mimidarlin Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Does anyone feel like life picks on you sometimes? I'm having a hard time with the separation from my husband. I'm still dealing with my father's death and I need comfort. I hate being alone. I hate crying alone. I hate being a f***ing burden on others. I shutdown...withdraw...and start to collapse on myself. Sometimes my emotions overwhelm me and I start to have a panic attack. It's pitiful. Can you be my 800 pound gorilla? Edited January 23, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Chingaling Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Does anyone feel like life picks on you sometimes? I'm having a hard time with the separation from my husband. I'm still dealing with my father's death and I need comfort. I hate being alone. I hate crying alone. I hate being a f***ing burden on others. I shutdown...withdraw...and start to collapse on myself. Sometimes my emotions overwhelm me and I start to have a panic attack. It's pitiful. Can you be my 800 pound gorilla? Oh, Mimi darling I know when I lost my dad that I took it so hard - he was my rock and I withdrew from my family and friends while I grieved. It's odd, but when I lost my mom, I felt so bad for her - she died fairly young after an unhappy life, and never got the chance to grow old and content. When I lost my dad it was completely different - my world collapsed. But after a while I realized that my having him for the time that I did was a precious gift, and one I am grateful for. I can now think of him and smile, remembering the good times we had, andhow safe he made me feel... (okay, I have some tears right now and its been 10 years) but trust me - he is never far from you and always in your heart. My marriage is crumbling now, and the question I ask myself is: What would Dad say to me?" And the answer: "You go dolly. You just leave that idiot and get out there and live your life". I hope that someday soon you will be able to smile through your tears, and know that you are strong and will make it through this... Hugs, Edited January 23, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author mimidarlin Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thanks, I had forgotten how much of a Daddy's girl I was until he got sick. When I grew independent we grew apart. In the end he respected my independence. He was strong and put up with a lot from my mom. Still in the end he worried about her because he didn't think she was strong. He was the rock...typical old school male but I loved that hard working and loyal nature. I tried to be his rock in the end. He was scared but I wanted him to know that he could tell me anything. He didn't need to worry about how it would affect me. He gave me strength.
Chingaling Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Thanks, I had forgotten how much of a Daddy's girl I was until he got sick. When I grew independent we grew apart. In the end he respected my independence. He was strong and put up with a lot from my mom. Still in the end he worried about her because he didn't think she was strong. He was the rock...typical old school male but I loved that hard working and loyal nature. I tried to be his rock in the end. He was scared but I wanted him to know that he could tell me anything. He didn't need to worry about how it would affect me. He gave me strength. Me too! He is still giving you strength - you can do this!
Gunny376 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 (edited) Little girls never know how much their Daddies love their little girls, the tears we shed over them, how much we worry over and for them! I wasn't the best husband, father, Marine, person that I could have been? But I was far from the worse! I did and gave the most I could and knew to do and give at the time? I feel guilt over that I didn't give enough ~ although at the time I gave all there was to give? Had I known thirty years ago what I know now? I would have been much, much better in all of those roles. Life is about living and learning! Most of us live our lives somewhere between a laugh and tear. WE swing back and forth between the two? All we can really do is suck it up and to do the best we can do? That and live and learn. Seriously work on simplifying your life, and keeping it as un-complicated as possible! Don't live to work, but work to live! Live your life first for yourself, then your children, and then for your family and friends. And that means getting back to the beginning ~ getting back to who you are. That means to getting back to you and to who you are and what your all about! That means rediscovering yourself and who you are? That means re-defining yourself ~ becoming the you ~ you were always meant to be! Divorce isn't an ending? Its the end of your current marriage. Its a beginning! Its not the end of your Life! Its the beginning of your new life! The new you! The chance to re-invent yourself, to re-make yourself, to create a new you! Your older, wiser, more experinced now! Don't dwell on the past nor your past mistakes! Dwell on the present and future! Its the beginning of your new life, the new you, Edited January 24, 2010 by Gunny376
sumdude Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) Hi mimi, I know how it can be. In three years I lost mom to cancer, my wife left me then my dad passed away. When it comes to grief, especially compounded grief there's only one way and that's through it. There's no time limit. You'll get mad at yourself for feeling weak and think "dammit I should be past this now." The most important thing to remember it to give yourself a break sometimes. Give yourself permission to feel awful, go ahead and live in your PJ's for a week and cry, rage, tell the world off.. whatever you need to feel. It's natural human emotion. If you felt nothing then I'd be worried. These are just about the biggest life changes most adults will go through. No wonder you're a bit of a mess.. you know what? What else can anyone expect... right? Just know that at some point you get on with life. Keep sloggin away. There will be good days and bad ones and only time, help from people who will listen and your own drive to finally get through will help. Yes, Gunny is right about this being the time to reinvent yourself. But you also have to allow the grieving to happen. Some friends will be there for you and others won't want to listen much. Times like this you get to know who you're friends really are and you'll be surprised both pleasantly and not. If one can't take it that's OK, someone will. Keep leaning on some folks around you every once in a while. You need them, no one is that strong to deal with this alone and shouldn't. I'm sorry you're going through this, my condolences. Edited January 26, 2010 by sumdude
Author mimidarlin Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Sumdude, Thank you. Your comments are making me cry ...again. That's okay though. I've been crying a lot which isn't a surprise but I can laugh at things as well. Some dark moments catch me off guard. I'm sure you know how it can feel to be reminded of an unpleasant moment when you least expect it. I haven't hid in my pajamas yet but I might during spring break. Trying to think of a vacation to take but it's so damn depressing to go alone.
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