mikeymad Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) I'm not pushing the product, but it has some good ideas, similar to the "homer" method that is discussed here. Take the time to watch this, it's about 30 minutes. It has helped me out, and it helps us to think about things in an analytical, logical fashion, rather than a purely emotional one. It's too bad I and so many of us are already in the "traps not to fall into" by the time we get here http://www.savethemarriage.com/howtostartsavingyourmarriage.html Would like some comments on it if you take the time to watch it. Have a blessed weekend SKOL VIKINGS! Edited January 23, 2010 by mikeymad
mimidarlin Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Watching the video right now. I have been given the advice by my counselor but there are a lot more details in the video. I'm past a lot of the panic. Still feeling it inside but better about not showing it to him. I can function in my daily life, work and still enjoy things. I've been fairly calm under the circumstances which is something he has commented on before. He knows it is tearing me apart inside but I'm working on being strong and moving forward. Now...I thought I wasn't trying to manipulate or coerce him. Didn't want him back if I was playing a game. However, I have been putting him on the defensive. I'm suspicious of his behavior and want him to make more moves towards working on the relationship. Lord I have to be patient. My worst quality...impatience. Now...now...now. I have restrained myself a lot with respect to being impatient but looking back I can tell it was seeping through the cracks by me putting him on the defensive. Many people recommend NC but I haven't done that. Trying to keep our time together pleasant and enjoyable. Not easy...ugh. I'm trying to be understanding of the demand on his time from his business but I can feel the bitterness and anger eating at me. I want him to move towards me more but I can't pressure him. How long am I willing to deal with this anxiety? I don't know. I think I will regret it if I don't work at this relationship. I did lose sight of me. I realized that the moment I caught him cheating on me. I felt the freedom to be angry...really angry. Having a temper is part of my personality. I have worked hard at restraining it over the years but to the point of not expressing it for fear of him leaving. I express it now but I realize I still need to be careful. Ranting here is probably better though I get disheartened when I read the stories.
Author mikeymad Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) mimi it's ok to be angry. it's part of the process, especially if you have been cheated on. just use that anger in positive ways. you can state your feelings calmly, but just know that "going off on him" isn't likely to improve your situation. I've found exercise as a great vent. if you can exhaust yourself, you don't have the energy to be as angry. plus you don't have the time to sit and stew about things, which in my experience, lead us to making mad decisions about what to do. And we can want the other person to "make the move", but we can't try to do anything to control their behavior. it's out of our fear of the situation we try to control everything, which makes it worse. we can only hope to get them to realize the effects of the actions, and THEY have to make the changes themselves, otherwise it isn't true change. be strong. I am a very similar situation as you. I was hurt as hell, but I rolled over and let her think i would overlook it for the marriage. little did I know that her just saying "sorry" and doing things for her and God, had little impact on how she acted towards me. they are afraid to feel sorry for you, because it would show them as being weak themselves. I know, it's effed up. Edited January 23, 2010 by mikeymad
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