relationship break

[adelaide10]

I was in a long distance relationship with someone from America for almost 1.5 years. He came to see me here in Australia for two weeks.

 

Prior to visit, I wasn't eager as we were having some problems: trust, insecurity, ineffective communication. We had plan for me to move there, which my parents disapproved unless we get engaged. He wouldn't dare think of marriage, our future; only cares about sleeping arrangement and getting into grad school. In the midst of this, my parents started to gamble and I gave a lot of money to my mum to sponsor my cousins and half brother from overseas to come here.

 

I have been depressed and wanted to die. I was torn between my parents and boyfriend. I was mad that my boyfriend didn't want to have a talk with my parents together, as he presume that it was my responsibility. We constantly flight over trivial things - which was properly an exercise of my anger... Such visit would only escalate these problems.

 

We somewhat had a nice time while he was here. We explored Sydney and it was sort of like the old times... Until my insecurity became more apparent each day, especially when we had dinner with my attractive friend. We even had a fight about cooking! I don't like someone telling me how I should cook, clean. It reminds me of my dad. "This visit", he says, "demonstrate that we can't be happy together ( unlike how we were in the beginning). Most healthy couples are usually happy regardless of their problems". Sometimes, I think he idealise how we were in the past too much.

 

Eventually... he had enough and said that we should take a break and be friends as we still care for each other. I agreed because he didn't want to solve our problems together since he says they cannot be controlled!!!! He says all is important is to have some time apart to see how we feel about each other in the end and these problems shouldn't be the focus on our relationship. He doesn't want to date other people. I have a feeling that he knows that the breakup is inevitable and want me to have time to re-adjust to this friends transition, as it was my first relationship.

 

ANyway, now I am the crossroad. Because we are friends now, the problems don't exist anymore. I don't know how to feel now.. All that worrying about moving to America, and my parents disapproval for nothing. He hasn't responded to his email for over a week.

 

This is not the only time this happened... He had to enforce limited communication for two months as he was figuring his grad applications because my depressed mood made him unable to focus! I am questioning whether I should be with someone at all.

Edited January 23, 2010 by adelaide10

[GoneButNotForgotten]

Just don't be with him. It's one guy. You weren't meant to be together. It happens. That doesn't mean that there is no one out there for you. It's a large world, someone exists that you can be happy with. It is just a matter of working though all the ones that are not worth it to find that person. From the sound of it your still fairly young. (just a guess considering you were dating a guy apping to grad school) You just have to take what lessons you can from this and more accurately create a checklist of what qualities you liked and what you didn't about him. Then use it to find the next guy.