Kristine Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Do I break it off even though I like him knowing I can't live without sex forever. Do we work through it and hope it's not as bad as he imagines it to be. Facts: The man has been cheated on in EVERY relationship. So now I realize the sexual thing is a problem. He fears getting hurt again, which would inevitable happen if we can't work through the sex problem. Which is either impotent or an abnormally small penis, he didn't specify what's wrong just said he can't satisfy me sexually. Why is the one guy I actually like out of the guys I've dated has to have a huge sex problem? That remark was a vent. Help me on this one. I need it.
Peter Attis Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Sister, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 He may have been compensating in other areas and trying to come across as the perfect/sweet/nice guy so you would be less likely to drop him when you found out he's impotent or sexually inadequate. I have experienced this in the past -- with a man who was not impotent, but who had sexual "issues". His hurts from past relationships have no bearing on whether or not it's acceptable to you to be with a man who is sexually nonfunctioning. Is it acceptable to you or not? If you don't care about sex much, maybe so. But most women would not be OK with this, and you have nothing to feel bad about if it's not OK with you. Personally, there is no way I would begin a romantic relationship with a man I couldn't have sex with. There's a word for relationships without a sexual component: friendship.
someotherguy Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Assuming you're under 60 years of age, I believe it would be a mistake to give up sex potentially forever because of someone you really hardly know.
Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Kristine is this about the same guy you've started your last 9 or 10 threads about in the last 6 days? If so, you should just stop seeing this guy. Too much drama.
Gcm Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 So you haven't slept with this guy yet? My advice is to try and find out what the problem is. If it's impotence, it can always be temporarily treated by certain drugs. If size is a problem, you're going to have to make your own judgement on how bad it really is. When you're sleeping with a new partner for the first few times, it can be a little intimidating as you don't know what gets the other person off; it's a learning thing. The thought of "Is he/she enjoying it?" may also be playing in the persons head, especially if their previous sexual encounters haven't been that great. Things usually get better once the person is more comfortable and relaxed around their partner. It's a tricky situation you're in, I mean, if you do end up sleeping with this guy and leave him due to the fact that he can't please you, you're only going to destroy him even worse. There are over ways to please eachother in the bedroom, but personally speaking, if a girl is a "star fish" or can't keep up in the bedroom, I probably wouldn't get too serious with her. Call it shallow, but I believe that sex is an important part of a relationship and should be enjoyed by both parties. I'm sure others will chime in with their advice, but in short, I couldn't be with someone who couldn't really please me in bed. Your call. All the best
Absolutely Curtains Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Even if it's just the last 3 threads.
Author Kristine Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks for advice. I'm going to call see if he'll share the problem and if it's something fixable or not. Which I believe it's not, we'll have to go our seperate ways.
CD111 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I once dated a guy who definitely could not satisfy me in the bedroom. I don't know if it was a health issue, mental issue, physical issue or whatever, but what it did become was a relationship issue. Basically I eventually realized that sometimes people are just not compatible sexually. Once both partners are aware there is a problem then one is anxious because of not being able to perform while the other is anxious because their sexual needs are not being met. I don't know how long you have been dating this guy, but you seem pretty interested in him. I think working through it is an option, but really how long are you willing to wait and how much are you willing to invest in working it out? Also as a secondary red flag, you both would not only have to work through his sex problem but also all the emotional baggage from his previous relationships which he hasn't completely worked through himself, to me a more daunting task then being anxious and nervous about sex. I have tried to work through the sex issues in the relationship I mentioned above. It didn't work and actually brought out his insecurity...third red flag... and a another issue to work through...(we are at 3 now). He says that he can't satisfy you sexually and so far he hasn't. Sometimes you just have to take their word and move on.
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