misskat Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 ok this may get long but i really need some help a little over 2 years ago i met blake and fell absolutely in love with him....the problem was that he was engaged. however he felt the same for me. we just seem to understand each other and clicked right away. we started a relationship despite his being engaged and saw each other whenever we could. in the meantime i dated other guys and he stayed engaged. as you would expect this didnt work out well he asked me to stop dating and i begged him not to get married since i didnt stop dating he ended up getting married even after i begged him not to. even after his marriage we continued our relationship. eventually i gave up but we chose to stay friends. we still hung out with groups of friends but not alone. i ended up meeting his cousin nate and we flirted and ended up hitting it off and i told blake i was interested in him. he didnt like this...but at this point i didnt care. nate and i have dated for over a year now. during this time blake and i have had sex off and on a few times there is just something there that neither of us can walk away from....he is now getting divorced and has moved into his own place. however it has been since july since we have been together and things seemed to have calmed down and we decided it needed to be over. we also both know that no matter what happens we can never be together...it would kill nate. i am now 5 months pregnant with nates child. i thought it was all over with blake until the other night i had a very vivid dream about him and have not been able to get him out of my head. he also came up to me and started flirting again. so now the feelings that i have for him have come out again. he knows the feelings i have been having for him. we have not been together yet but i can sense that it is heading there. i love blake very much and can not help feeling that i made a big mistake by getting involved with nate even tho i do love him it is just not the same kind of love. i dont feel passion with nate the way i do when i am with blake. nate and i have been fighting alot lately and we dont see each other much except on the weekends because we work different shifts we both know that things are not good between us but want to stay together for our baby. nate does not know that blake and i have ever had any sort of relationship other than friendship i really need some advice on what i should do please dont judge me too harshly there is alot that i didnt put in here and alot that other people wouldnt understand about blake and myself.
imagine Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 When you met Blake, he was engaged. For the many people who do not understand engagement, it means that you are promised to be married. There is no reversal in decision. Once he asks and she answers positively -this is a binding contract. Marriage is a commitment based on decision to love that person while you are alive. Marriage is not a feeling based phenomenon whatever the romantic novels say. Marriage should always be based in honesty. Blake was not. Explain to Nate the exact nature of your association with Blake. Take whatever is due to you. Be apologetic. Remember that the information can come out at any time and your credibility will be thoroughly taxed. Enter your own marriage with absolute honesty. Leave Blake alone and let him restore his marriage. YOU are the cause of breaking it down.
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 A good friend of mine gave me some very good advice not so long ago. I had been seeing a guy I was head over heels with a few years ago. He met another girl at the same time, she lived closer to him, and he decided to date her. Recently, after 3 years, they broke up and he contacted me wanting to pursue things with me. My friend told me something that made total sense when I asked him if I should pursue things. He said "NO WAY- if he truly ever liked you, he would have chosen you in the first place" Blake would have left his fiance for you in the first place if you were truly the love of his life. Now that you are having another mans baby- it's time to get your priorities straight!
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 He said "NO WAY- if he truly ever liked you, he would have chosen you in the first place" At the risk of a mild derail, I don't agree with this. 3 years ago I was dating two women casually at the same time. The flashy, super hot one was all over me with attention, multiple calls and texts every day. The other one was the real deal, smart, we had the same tastes, she just wasn't all into me as much as the flashy one and wasn't as flashy or hot in a traditional sense. As you may guess, I chose poorly, and it was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. Two years later, I put out a feeler to the one that got away. She completely ignored me. I deserve that, but had my head been clear, I would have chosen her to begin with. I learned from my mistake, but it cost me. So what your friend told you, though it may be the case most of the time, is not always. My mistake is proof. OP, you have been letting your affair with Blake siphon off emotional energy that should have been directed to your and Nate's relationship. Is it any wonder you don't feel the same about him? Blake is fantasy land, with none of the day to day ups and downs of a real relationship. Nate is the one you have had the real thing with, warts and all. Your first step is to stop being a cake eater in life and realize that you have done Nate a horrible injustice before anyone here can help you. Once you have truly realized that, and it is very obvious you have not yet, you may be able to change over time. You and Nate never had a chance due to your cake eating "have it all" attitude. That's what needs fixing.
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