Loss 4 words Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 So my ex and I broke up about a month ago after being together for almost a year and a half ( and engaged for almost 8 months) and had been through alot (sickness about a year ago was a real stresser to say the least) but we made it through...until December...then one night it all went to dirt. The short of the long is this: She broke up with me (saying to the effect that sometimes she doenst know if she loves me like a fiance anymore, but more like a friend..... ) and was bound and determined to NEVER speak to me again, but I kept trying to convince her that we could at least be friends, until i pretty much did what she wanted...I didnt text, nothing...but she kept up "the game"...and FINALLY she changed her mind and so here we are...(did I mention that she pulled the guilt trip on me...her daughter was sick and acted as if i would even still care..(which of course i do)..... Much is the same as when we were together...she keeps tabs on where I am, with whom, and what in general im doing...at least sometimes it seems like she is...just like before...BUT sometimes when I ask her, she accuses me of being nosey, or digging...when I'm simply doing the same thing she does to me...although some days she doesnt text/call me at all first... Recently, I found out she sent some pics to a friend of hers, and inside i felt like screaming my head off, but i kept cool because we are both "single"....and when she asked me if i'd sent any to anyone, she included the line "and be honest..." it's like she doesnt/didn't trust me....but who is she to care because we are no longer together.. Truth be told, I would like to get back together with her, but not if she's gonna KEEP doing this garbage even when we are single...I can't take much more of it until i just erupt and say NO MORE!!! I'm a VERY patient person, sometimes too much....but a part of me still loves her...even though my gut says that she's ready to move on....and that she's just playing the game to keep me wrapped around her finger... I'm human and I have needs....but it hurts to think about spending time with another woman that isnt her...even though WE are both single... Any ideas, questions, reflections, thoughts, or ideas??
Author Loss 4 words Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 She tried to get back with me the next day, but for the first time, I stuck to my guns...so far so good...i guess....it's starting to effect me negatively at work sometims...esp durring down time...when my mind begins to wander... Also, for those who may know....is this relationship worth working on OR is it just easier to look back with smiles and move forward...and just go NC to keep the stress out of my life...
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Ummm...NC DUDE!!!! This girl is trying to make you her training wheels. I don't mean to be harsh, but you have two options: 1) Continue to be the DOORMAT, which eventually she will end up hurting you worse as you continue to hang around and gobbling up any little crumb she decides to give you. OR 2) GO NC - Now, you fall off the face of the planet, but you don't ignore her when she contacts you. You just give her nothing. It's gonna' be hard to do, but man you need give her a real strong dose of her damn medicine. I promise you, it'll make her wonder and it will serve YOU better in the long run my friend. Grab your balls from her and go for the ride of your life. It will be tough, but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you can look back one day and say I didn't let her get away with ****. It's your choice, but #1 will not get you what you want. If you do #2, and she might believe you are playing a game until she realizes you have really left (that's why it's very important to stick to NC)...and that's when they start realizing they no longer have that safety net. It may not get her back, but it sure as hell will make it a lot harder to move on and they will analyze their situation a little more seriously. It shows you can live without them and that's a powerful motivator. BUT, you must realize that if she doesn't come crawling back (which is very probable) you will already have been far enough out of it, that you will have already been moving on. NC man...NC! Just my two cents. GOOD LUCK!!
gaudi Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Well she's back and forth more than a tennis ball this one don't ya think. I also think you need to let go. Avoid contact with her. Think about yourself for a change. Work on you. Move on up. Never mind what excuse she has for getting in touch with you. Leave her to it. And you go do it.
Author Loss 4 words Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 I really like the idea of NC...not giving an inch, cause she'll take a yard. I have a VERY hard time saying NO....but (prime examlpe) she pulls the guilt trip for anything....HOW does one get over feeling guilty for saying NO and then sticking to their word??
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) She will only show signs of wanting to get back together when you start showing signs of slipping out from under her thumb. I don't know that it is so much of her wanting to get together as it is her keeping you around in case she can't find anyone else. In other words, you aren't the 'one' - you are the default in case the 'one' doesn't come along. I suspect that the minute new guys hear that she has a kid, they ditch her and that is when she comes around making sure you aren't going anywhere. What to do? Tell her that what she is doing is putting you through hell, and you aren't ready to be friends with her is she can't be your girlfriend. Then, stay single for a while so that you can get your head and heart back together. With time and distance you will be able to think more clearly and decide then whether or not to be her permanent backup plan (and future 'betrayed significant other' if you do get back together - girls who throw you the 'friend' line are almost guaranteed to cheat on you if they hadn't already before throwing you that line.) How to get over a guilt trip? By being proactive and stopping it before it starts. You say your piece, don't give her any room to 'discuss' things - there is nothing to discuss at this point. Then, simply avoid any and all contact with her, or any 'messages' sent through friends. If someone comes over and says 'I need to tell you what is going on with GirlX' simply say 'not interested' and change the subject. You can't feel a guilt trip if one never makes it to you. Edited January 23, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
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