singlemom19 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i dont knw wht to do...i really need help....my ex n i broke up 3 wks ago n he started seeing someone new n thts when our troubles began....he txted me one morning saying how he didnt have any money or gas to come get our daughter but i saw him driving around town wit his gf the nxt day but he told me ill come n see her on my way home...txted n called all day to find out when he was coming...nothing...come to find out tht he spent the night wit her at school...i confronted him n we got into this big fight n he said tht he wanted to sign all his rights away to me cause he couldnt deal wit me anymore...he has been dropping our daughter off way before the time tht we agreed on just to see his gf....and this isnt the first tht he didnt want to see her to...top everything off he hasnt even called or txted or emailed me to see how she was in almost three wks...we didnt plan on becoming parents but i feel as if he isnt ready to be a dad...advice please!!
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 You're letting this guy totally dictate your life and he's got your undivided attention. If he doesn't want to see his daughter, then that's his choice. He'll regret it someday but, still, it's his choice. Is he paying child support? He may want to sign his rights over to you because he thinks he can get out of paying child support. Make sure you don't let that happen. Whatever his problem is, let him bow out if he wants to but I'd tell him not to bother about signing rights over, and let him know that if he doesn't want to see his daughter anymore then that's fine with you. You might want to stop chasing him around and watching his every move. You can't make him see her. I don't know how old your daughter is but if not seeing her dad hurts her, then it's still nothing you have any control over. Just be a great mom for your daughter and ignore her father.
Author singlemom19 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 he hasnt paid me child support but my lawyer is working on it now n my daughter is 6 months
melodymatters Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 If you are in the US, no judge will " bastardize" a child as my lawyer put it. There is NO SUCH THING as signing your rights away. If he doesn't want to be a part of her life, screw him. Hopefully you'll get child support, he HAS to pay that or he'll lose his license and possibly go to jail.
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 he hasnt paid me child support but my lawyer is working on it now n my daughter is 6 months Good. Then your daughter won't notice that he's not around. If he isn't interested in being a dad, he's better off not being in your daughter's life. It's possible that he just can't deal with her being so young. He may reappear one day when she's older. Just stop hounding him about it and live your life. Get the child support and move on. I know it would make your life easier if you had some help, but you're apparently not going to get it from him.
KikiW Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 He DEFINITELY isn't ready to be a dad, but too bad, he's a dad. You won't be able to MAKE him be a father to your little girl, but you can at least make him support her. Focus on making sure he helps you financially and don't bother with trying to make him be a good father. Focus on taking care of your baby, and making sure she has all the love and support she needs. She will grow up disappointed that her father is a loser, but hopefully you have good male figures in your life (your dad, brothers, male cousins, male friends?) who can help ease that difficulty. But the main thing right now is to make sure he knows even if he doesn't want to be physically responsible, he will still have to be financially responsible.
Clep Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I would consider myself blessed and your child blessed by his willingness to sign away his parental rights. By him doing that he still has to pay child support and you do not have anyone to fight with on how he is raised. If he is not interested in being a father I feel strongly it is best for your child to have him gone. I have had my son with therapists for the last year of his six year old life. His abandonment issues with dad popping in and out have created so much devastation in his life. I feel it would have been better if his dad was never around. At least he would have only had to deal with the shock of the loss once and then healing starts. As it stands now he has to deal with the shock and loss over and over, making healing slow and long. His dad now has no access via the courts until he get's himself together and I will not budge on it one bit. Our son has come a long ways since dad has been gone. I believe it is always in a child's best interest to have both parents involved, except when they are incapable or unwilling to be a parent. I would count my lucky stars, get those papers signed immediately and get the support for your child. You can't make him be a father or want to be.
2sure Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If you are in the US, no judge will " bastardize" a child as my lawyer put it. There is NO SUCH THING as signing your rights away. Yep, its a myth. Some neglectful or broke parents get this wonderful idea that they will not have to be financially responsible for children that they dont see or dont care to support. Or cant, whatever their reasoning. Life isnt like that. If you are receiving any kind of state or federal aid in the way of health care, day care, etc etc...they will garnish his wages. He will owe them the money...and they will collect now or ten years from now. Child support will not be difficult to have ordered, but possibly more difficult to collect if he is unemployed...nevertheless, he will owe you the money. You do not have the option of having him sign away his rights unless the child is being adopted.
Clep Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I You do not have the option of having him sign away his rights unless the child is being adopted. I'm not sure where you live but where I live a parent can legally sign away their parental rights. I already went through that. A parent can not do that to get out of child support where I come from though, or else every dead beat parent would be doing it. Every parent still has to pay child support whether they have signed away their parental rights or not. Both parents have to agree or in cases of severe abuse the judge can make the call. I live in Alberta Canada.
Clep Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Haha. Guess it was in the US. I didn't catch that till now.
Angel1111 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'm not sure where you live but where I live a parent can legally sign away their parental rights. I already went through that. . That's really interesting. I'm just curious, what would be the purpose in a person wanting to sign over their rights?
In_Repair Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 That's really interesting. I'm just curious, what would be the purpose in a person wanting to sign over their rights? In most of the cases I have heard about, it is done to either side-step your parental responsibilities or to allow the child to be legally adopted by someone else. I'm not sure about the specifics of the law, but I do know that there is a process in place for doing this.
fooled once Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Yep, in many, if not all US states, you cannot just sign away your rights. Like someone said, every deadbeat parent would be lining up to do that to get out of paying child support Stop texting him or calling him. He obviously has other priorities, his girlfriend. Unfortunately, you laid down with him and now you two share a child. both of you need to grow up now and be parents. You two will be tied to each other for the rest of your lives. If he chooses to stop seeing her, that is his right. There is no law that says he MUST see her. Consider it a blessing that you don't have to deal with a controlling, pain in the butt "co-parent". Continue to raise your child and make sure you are the BEST mom you can be to her Ignore him. Go through the courts for child support AND visitation. Just remember though, he may choose (like my ex) to not take his visitation and there isn't anything you can do about it. If you make plans when he is supposed to have his visitation time, always have a back to watch your DD since he has shown he isn't that interested. Also remember that you are entitled to a 'break' every now and then and lean on your family/friends to help you. Being a single parent IS VERY hard. Good luck!
Clep Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 That's really interesting. I'm just curious, what would be the purpose in a person wanting to sign over their rights? When my son's dad was going to sign over his rights it was so he was not required to be a parent. As long as he had rights his signature was required for therapy, medical things etc. If he was no longer legally the parent, he was not bothered by any parental duties even the smallest ones. My lawyer drew up the paperwork for all of it, but then dad went to rehab, got himself together and became a parent again. Well he relapsed and did his own thing again for six months, but is now doing better than ever. Lucky for our son.
fooled once Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 When my son's dad was going to sign over his rights it was so he was not required to be a parent. As long as he had rights his signature was required for therapy, medical things etc. If he was no longer legally the parent, he was not bothered by any parental duties even the smallest ones. My lawyer drew up the paperwork for all of it, but then dad went to rehab, got himself together and became a parent again. Well he relapsed and did his own thing again for six months, but is now doing better than ever. Lucky for our son. The bolded part is not accurate in my experience. I asked for/demanded and was awared sole custody. I didn't want to have to have his permission/signature on medical or emergency situations. I had trouble tracking him down married, I sure as heck wasn't going to go through that divorced. As I told my ex one time ... my son would go visit my parents in the summer for 4-6 weeks (which was great for my current marriage because my son lived with us full time and we finally got some 'alone' newlywed time ) -- any way, each year, this was a fight with my ex. He didn't want to pay me C/S when my son was away. I told him he still had to pay it but if it was too much for him to write the check to me , he could send it to my parents. He said "Well, you need my permission to send him" which caused me to have a fit of laughter because as I reminded him, I had sole custody and I didn't need his permission for ANYTHING relating to our son as he gave up that right when he agreed to me having sole custody. Idiot. I hope it works out well for you!
Tayla Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 If you are in the US, no judge will " bastardize" a child as my lawyer put it. There is NO SUCH THING as signing your rights away. If he doesn't want to be a part of her life, screw him. Hopefully you'll get child support, he HAS to pay that or he'll lose his license and possibly go to jail. Yes there is such a thing. A parent can waive their rights and surrender such. They can sign over such so an adoption may transpire or the child is entered into a ward of the court. Any lawyer that doesn't know that needs to go back to LawClass 101.
fooled once Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Yes there is such a thing. A parent can waive their rights and surrender such. They can sign over such so an adoption may transpire or the child is entered into a ward of the court. Any lawyer that doesn't know that needs to go back to LawClass 101. Yes, for adoption or to become a ward of the court; but I know for a fact in my state, those are the ONLY 2 ways a father/parent can sign away their rights. If there is no person to adopt the child, the rights cannot be signed away.
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