TwilightSky Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 So, I think I made a similiar thread a while ago, but I really don't remember much from it. Anyway, on to the reason why I am posting: I have no confidence with women and am not sure how to correct that, or if I really have any right to correct it. Women have struck up conversations with me, so I guess that really isn't a hurdle. I suppose holding a convo is/finding new things to say etc. That's one aspect that effects my confidence. Another is my inexperience in that area. I haven't had ANY physical experience with a women, verbally not a whole lot more. I've been called physically attractive, but I don't feel like it and really don't talk to women because I'm afraid they will be repulsed by me. I don't want to be misninterpreted, I don't loathe women at ALL, they are a mystery to me and I really don't know how to proceed. Any suggestions?
FieryDream Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I'm not trying to offend you in any way with this link but I try and help everyone who hasnt had a reply. I don't know much about suffering confidence levels so I sent you this.....I've read through it and it gives you handy tips as such http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/sitemap.htm
Author TwilightSky Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks for the reply, I'll look into those links, not sure why you thought they would offend me. And I dunno, maybe my situation is too "odd" for a lot of people to understand.
alphamale Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I've been called physically attractive, then women should be flocking to you
Author TwilightSky Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 then women should be flocking to you They've started conversations with me, and I've heard from others that their friends thought I was "cute" (and the girls in question would be smiling at me, so I don't think it was a joke, but I could be wrong?). I guess there is a lot of lingering doubt, and as I said, low confidence due to inexperience.
alphamale Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I guess there is a lot of lingering doubt, and as I said, low confidence due to inexperience. well you just need to jump in and get experience
Author TwilightSky Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Heh, I don't think that would work out to well
Author TwilightSky Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I just mean without knowing the right things to say, I'd probably just sound like a fool. And gauging a more reserved woman's level of attraction towards me would probably be much more difficult. Bascically I think I am screwed lol
USMCHokie Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I just mean without knowing the right things to say, I'd probably just sound like a fool. And gauging a more reserved woman's level of attraction towards me would probably be much more difficult. Bascically I think I am screwed lol I've highlighted the problem with your approach...it isn't about having canned topics of conversation or knowing exactly the right thing to say...it's about saying anything...situational awareness... To illustrate with example, last Halloween, I was one of those idiots who waited until 4 PM on Halloween day to find a costume...so I was waiting in the ridiculous line, and there was this girl standing in line next to me. All I did was make a comment to her about how it sucked that we waited til the last minute and how bad the lines were. And then we just kept talking for about half an hour or so about our Halloween plans and other random stuff. The point is that you need to be able to improvise conversation. Simple stuff. Nothing too heavy. Trust me, one thing will naturally lead to another...just keep the conversation flowing with related questions and topics...like in my example, we talked about which costumes we wanted in case our first choices were sold out, which led to what we were doing for Halloween, how long we'd lived in the area, etc. etc. Natural flow... These are the kinds of conversations that are comfortable for women...and men... There are no weird or heavy topics...no interrogations or interviews... It's simply just talking with another person...and it's good to add some humor here and there...
Author TwilightSky Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Yeah, I see your point. I suppose it is just hard for me to improvise on the spot. Organizing my thoughts is a bit of an obstacle during social situations for me, especially with women. I dunno I guess I'll just have to try, and prepare to fail a lot.
Jeff1962 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Yeah, I see your point. I suppose it is just hard for me to improvise on the spot. Organizing my thoughts is a bit of an obstacle during social situations for me, especially with women. I dunno I guess I'll just have to try, and prepare to fail a lot. I agree with USMOchokie. You do not have to organize your thoughts. Let the conversation flow. Don't analize everything. Notice how the word analize begings with the word anal? Don't be so anal. Let it happen. If you prepare to fail a lot, then you will fail a lot. Good luck.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Yeah, I see your point. I suppose it is just hard for me to improvise on the spot. Organizing my thoughts is a bit of an obstacle during social situations for me, especially with women. I dunno I guess I'll just have to try, and prepare to fail a lot. Improvising and spontaneous flirting have historically been a challenge for me as well, though I've sometimes been able to do it successfully. (The night I met my current GF was one such time.) This may sound a bit cheesy, but one thing you could try is to memorize a few "stock openers". Questions to ask women that are trivial and non-threatening in nature, a little bit playful, and that get the conversation going. E.g.: "Hey, could I get your opinion on something? My buddy's new GF doesn't want him to maintain contact with any of his previous GFs. Do you think she's being unreasonable?" "Who do you think are more 'complicated' generally: men or women?" If you think a bit, you should be able to come up with a few more. Memorize them. Who cares if you use the same three openers on fifty different women? The idea is to get practiced and develop confidence.
terra Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Maybe make it a goal to become friends with more girls. I find that starting up friendships is a lot less stressful but you still practice the same sort of skills - small talk, ect. Then perhaps you will click with a new friend OR you will have more confidence and practice for when you ask out a woman.
threebyfate Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Women are just people, like men are people. Talk to them without trying to impress them. Relax.
Howitzer Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I agree with terra. Just start talking to women as if they were going to be your friends. Treat them like normal people...because that's what they are! Once you get comfortable with that, you can move on to seeking them to date.
Itzo Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 So, I think I made a similiar thread a while ago, but I really don't remember much from it. Anyway, on to the reason why I am posting: I have no confidence with women and am not sure how to correct that, or if I really have any right to correct it. Women have struck up conversations with me, so I guess that really isn't a hurdle. I suppose holding a convo is/finding new things to say etc. That's one aspect that effects my confidence. Another is my inexperience in that area. I haven't had ANY physical experience with a women, verbally not a whole lot more. I've been called physically attractive, but I don't feel like it and really don't talk to women because I'm afraid they will be repulsed by me. I don't want to be misninterpreted, I don't loathe women at ALL, they are a mystery to me and I really don't know how to proceed. Any suggestions? Let me see, if I got you straight. You are a virgin, you do not have any emotional & physical experience with a woman before ... and you cannot have normal conversation with women in general, and especially with the one you really like. You are afraid to not show any interest to her, because she may reject you. You want to understand more about women and their nature, because in the way they act & react fascinates you in some way and you want to learn the path to become successful with women. Do I understand you right?
Itzo Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 See this thread, it will help you a lot. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219481/
Author TwilightSky Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 You are mostly right, yes. That link you provided was interesting, but I don't think it provided much insight into my individual problem. Thanks anyway though.
Green Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I'll tell you about myself and maybe that will help. Through out High School I felt like I was taking steps back with women, like in my mind I was actualy more popular in middle school. I went through college and often just spent the night watching Adult Swim a Cartoon network thing... When I graduated from college I had never really been kissed. So there I was a man who was some what sucessful in other parts of my life but when it came to women I felt like a loser who had never been kissed. I felt like I would end up the 40 year old virgin so out of touch I would have to pretend I had a life. But then something pretty magic happened after college, I got more confident. Back in college and HS I would usualy just freeze up if a girl started talking to me, I was so afraid of rejection. But the summer after I graduated college I ended up asking a girl out, a beutiful girl and to my surprise she said yes, heck even seemed excited about it. After dinner with this girl we went out for drinks and I got drunk and just kissed her mid sentance, well things got pretty serious between me and this girl. When our relationship ended a few months later I cried infront of my family and friends like a little baby. But when I was done crying I was a new man, breaking the physical barrier with one girl made me more confident with all girls and from that point on I never felt like I had a problem again. I think the realization that I was the same person before that I was after helped me alot. I felt inferior to everyone else like they were special and I wasn't. After having that first relationship I relized who cares if a guys been with a girl or not it doesn't change you. I also felt more entitled to talk to a girl I found attractive. I used to be so worried about being labeled a creep or being rejected by some girl I didn't even know. After that I stoped carring if a girl thinks im a creep or rejects me so what. My advice is ask girls out, don't be afraid to flirt and act creepy, and always just go in and kiss the girl some time before the end of the date! good luck.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I'll tell you about myself and maybe that will help. Through out High School I felt like I was taking steps back with women, like in my mind I was actualy more popular in middle school. I went through college and often just spent the night watching Adult Swim a Cartoon network thing... When I graduated from college I had never really been kissed. So there I was a man who was some what sucessful in other parts of my life but when it came to women I felt like a loser who had never been kissed. I felt like I would end up the 40 year old virgin so out of touch I would have to pretend I had a life. But then something pretty magic happened after college, I got more confident. Back in college and HS I would usualy just freeze up if a girl started talking to me, I was so afraid of rejection. But the summer after I graduated college I ended up asking a girl out, a beutiful girl and to my surprise she said yes, heck even seemed excited about it. After dinner with this girl we went out for drinks and I got drunk and just kissed her mid sentance, well things got pretty serious between me and this girl. When our relationship ended a few months later I cried infront of my family and friends like a little baby. But when I was done crying I was a new man, breaking the physical barrier with one girl made me more confident with all girls and from that point on I never felt like I had a problem again. I think the realization that I was the same person before that I was after helped me alot. I felt inferior to everyone else like they were special and I wasn't. After having that first relationship I relized who cares if a guys been with a girl or not it doesn't change you. I also felt more entitled to talk to a girl I found attractive. I used to be so worried about being labeled a creep or being rejected by some girl I didn't even know. After that I stoped carring if a girl thinks im a creep or rejects me so what. My advice is ask girls out, don't be afraid to flirt and act creepy, and always just go in and kiss the girl some time before the end of the date! good luck. Great story Green! Inspirational for us all when we feeling down. A little bit of liquid courage with a f@#& it attitude can go a long way.
Green Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Great story Green! Inspirational for us all when we feeling down. A little bit of liquid courage with a f@#& it attitude can go a long way. personaly I think liquid courage is a bad idea, but I had nothing to lose and the liquid courage gave me the balls to steal a kiss. I'm glad she enjoyed it instead of slapping me. I don't need liquid courage anymore but that first time I did.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 personaly I think liquid courage is a bad idea, but I had nothing to lose and the liquid courage gave me the balls to steal a kiss. I'm glad she enjoyed it instead of slapping me. I don't need liquid courage anymore but that first time I did. I agree. I'm a social drinker and in no way am I telling people to rely on alcohol. I feel like its normal to need a little courage the first time. I was so very nervous my first time kissing.
Author TwilightSky Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 I'll tell you about myself and maybe that will help. Through out High School I felt like I was taking steps back with women, like in my mind I was actualy more popular in middle school. I went through college and often just spent the night watching Adult Swim a Cartoon network thing... When I graduated from college I had never really been kissed. So there I was a man who was some what sucessful in other parts of my life but when it came to women I felt like a loser who had never been kissed. I felt like I would end up the 40 year old virgin so out of touch I would have to pretend I had a life. But then something pretty magic happened after college, I got more confident. Back in college and HS I would usualy just freeze up if a girl started talking to me, I was so afraid of rejection. But the summer after I graduated college I ended up asking a girl out, a beutiful girl and to my surprise she said yes, heck even seemed excited about it. After dinner with this girl we went out for drinks and I got drunk and just kissed her mid sentance, well things got pretty serious between me and this girl. When our relationship ended a few months later I cried infront of my family and friends like a little baby. But when I was done crying I was a new man, breaking the physical barrier with one girl made me more confident with all girls and from that point on I never felt like I had a problem again. I think the realization that I was the same person before that I was after helped me alot. I felt inferior to everyone else like they were special and I wasn't. After having that first relationship I relized who cares if a guys been with a girl or not it doesn't change you. I also felt more entitled to talk to a girl I found attractive. I used to be so worried about being labeled a creep or being rejected by some girl I didn't even know. After that I stoped carring if a girl thinks im a creep or rejects me so what. My advice is ask girls out, don't be afraid to flirt and act creepy, and always just go in and kiss the girl some time before the end of the date! good luck. Hey there, sorry for the late reply, just didn't know how to respond I guess. It does seem like you used to be in a very similiar situation, and I suppose my problem is that I over-think to the point it paralyzes me. Not sure how to overcome that. "liquid courage" just makes me act like a fool, in general. Like I said I really don't know HOW to overcome that. I think I'm maybe a little better than I used to be, but not by much.
Green Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Hey there, sorry for the late reply, just didn't know how to respond I guess. It does seem like you used to be in a very similiar situation, and I suppose my problem is that I over-think to the point it paralyzes me. Not sure how to overcome that. "liquid courage" just makes me act like a fool, in general. Like I said I really don't know HOW to overcome that. I think I'm maybe a little better than I used to be, but not by much. I used to overthink everything in the moment. Like if a girl flirted with me(which was rare) I would just freeze up and come up with every excuse to just not do anything. One piece advice I can give you is don't masterbate... or atleast only once every 2 weeks. That means no looking at porn. The hornyness will build up in you and you can use that energy as fuel whether it be in the gym, at work, or most importantly overcoming your mind when it comes to women.
Author TwilightSky Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Well, someone was called the 40 year old virgin at work and they responded "I'm not (my name)." Apparently there is something wrong with me in order for them to think that as I haven't told anyone that I am.
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