neverquit7 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 My girlfriend and I are going to get married. We are both college educated with good jobs and similar spiritual beliefs (late 20's and early 30's). Because I have been to prison in my past, her parents refuse to support our relationship. I am so very greatful that she can overlook my past, but it is becoming certain that her parents never will. We are currently engaged and trying to plan a wedding, but their refusal to participate is difficult for her and strains their relationship. Would it be foolish to disregard their feelings and proceed with the marriage as we both desire to do?
sally4sara Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 My girlfriend and I are going to get married. We are both college educated with good jobs and similar spiritual beliefs (late 20's and early 30's). Because I have been to prison in my past, her parents refuse to support our relationship. I am so very greatful that she can overlook my past, but it is becoming certain that her parents never will. We are currently engaged and trying to plan a wedding, but their refusal to participate is difficult for her and strains their relationship. Would it be foolish to disregard their feelings and proceed with the marriage as we both desire to do? What are their spiritual views about forgiveness and atonement? What were you in prison for?
IllMan Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 It's your wedding mate. Your spouse. When all important parties, you, her, and your families cannot agree, you both have to decide how much can you live with? At some point in the 1995 movie HEAT, Al Pacino talks about having the ability to walk away at a seconds notice and never look back. The rea life application is here. If her parents refuse to never accept you, can you live with it? Can your bride to be? If the answer is yes, you and your bride to be can accept it, then you can make it work and the wedding will happen, stressful as it may become. If the answer for one of you is no, getting married is not going to help, and you'll have to figure out what it will take for them to not damage your relationship. If I were you. I would fight for a dual answer of YES. an prove to her, and her family that your past means nothing - the future means everything.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I guess it would depend on what you went to prison for. if it was for something like rape, selling drugs, assault and battery....I probably wouldn't get over it either. But I know people who had the book thrown at them for losing their license and stupidly driving without one and having just a bit to drink. One case is of stupidity, other cases shows a pattern of behavior no parent would want to come back while married to their child.
NowhereToHide Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 This is a very educational "preview" for you to have BEFORE getting married. At the end of the day, when the two of you say your vows to each other, you are creating a new family. And it's a family unit that needs to stand on its own, regardless of outside forces, outside opinions and judgements. This really comes down to a heartfelt talk between you and your future wife. You need to understand where she stands. Is she willing to stand by you -- going against the feelings of her parents -- for the rest of your lives? Is she willing to stand up for you to them -- to align herself with you only? Because it is your wife, not you, that is going to get the brunt of this. SHE is the one that will be hit the hardest by their judgments. If she is in your camp, then I think you can proceed with confidence. If you sense hesitation, then more discussion is needed.
PinkKittyKat Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 if it was for something like rape, selling drugs, assault and battery....I probably wouldn't get over it either. I'm honestly perplexed by the lumping together of these three things. Rape? Sure. Beating someone within an inch of their life? Definitely. Selling drugs? WTF? You know you can go to jail for selling weed and LSD. Which aren't addictive. Which noone has ever overdosed on and died. Some of my closest friends sold/still sell weed/mushrooms etc. It is in NO WAY comparable to rape or assault.
mark982 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 agree with pinkkittykat, uaually i agree with dexter, but he's off base with that one.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 agree with pinkkittykat, uaually i agree with dexter, but he's off base with that one. thast because you took her definition of "selling drugs". not that someone should be excused for selling pot, but then again, what the hell does being addicted have to do with the fact its illegal? when I think of selling drugs, I think of coke, crack, stuff like that. so if I said "drug dealer" would that be more to your liking? putting it in the context of someone that makes a career of it rather than simply selling a bit to his friends?
Dexter Morgan Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Maybe he sells heroin and meth to high school kids. but...........as long as its not addictive.....its all good:rolleyes:
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