cassiecharlie Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) Okay I just posted my first post titled; "How did I fall in love so fast" Now Im looking for advice from those who has been doing this for some times on how to keep it discreet, meaning, How and when do you meet up? using money that doesnt show up on accounts? give me all your advice please!!!!! I didnt plan to fall in love but it happened and I don t want it to stop. I miss her when I m not with her now. at 41 years old I didnt see this coming!!! Thanks gang for listening!!! Edited January 22, 2010 by cassiecharlie
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Okay I just posted my first post titled; "How did I fall in love so fast" Now Im looking for advice from those who has been doing this for some times on how to keep it discreet, meaning, How and when do you meet up? using money that doesnt show up on accounts? give me all your advice please!!!!! I didnt plan to fall in love but it happened and I don t want it to stop. I miss her when I m not with her now. at 41 years old I didnt see this coming!!! Thanks gang for listening!!! Dude, are you out of your mind??? You're not going to get that kind of advice here. Just divorce your wife. Then no one will care if you're with someone else. This post just makes you sound so slimey!
bentnotbroken Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 How do I keepit under wraps? You are wrong and you know it. Tell your wife so she can get a f-buddy too?
fooled once Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I guess the phrase "with age comes maturity" doesn't come into play here because your main concern is not getting caught and being able to slide the woman money -- money that belongs to YOU and YOUR WIFE. Nice.... nice that your wife is contributing to your household so you can buy love from the new girl... how about giving your new girl money and see how long she keeps you around? How about being honest with your wife about what you really want to be doing (spending time with new girl) so your wife can either find a guy on the side or kick your cheating rear to the curb? I will never understand why people have to stoop to cheating. If you are that unhappy with your wife and marriage - GET A DIVORCE.
Brokenlady Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Despite the fact that there are so many of us OW and formerOW here, I doubt any in good conscience will give you tips on hiding your affair. Most of us discovered that the longer the affair went on, the harder it was to deal with when the MM inevitably threw us under the bus( when the A was discovered). It would be like asking us how to shoot someone else, and in this case one of "our own". Why do you feel compelled to cheat and have both women rather than choose one or the other? It's not fair to either one of them. If you truly love this OW, you will make a choice, act on it, and not keep her strung along. I noticed that you mentioned giving your OW money because she faces financial troubles. That is so classic. My xDM used to do that to try to alleviate the guilt he had for not being there for me. The money was essentially supposed to substitute for what I really wanted, a full-time relationship. Strangely, this continued after he moved out and divorced his xW. I think he really had intimacy issues and giving money rather than emotions was a way to keep people at arms length. Think about why you're motivated to do what you are doing. And while we're on that subject, I can't stress enough that you should get into individual counseling to help you sort this stuff out. Sooner or later, you will have to choose, and hopefully you'll know what you want and how to implement it BEFORE you get caught. Also, there's a book by Mira Kirschenbaum that may interest you called "When Good People Have Affairs".
Woggle Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Get a seperate Email address just for this affair and make your it has a password that is not easy to guess. Never leave your cell phone laying around Get a fake gym membership, a new hobby or something you can use as an alibi Continue to act how you always have with your wife.
NowhereToHide Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Dude... there are other sites to get the answers you're looking for. These boards really aren't for tips on how to hide an affair. They are more getting help while in the midst of one or after one ends (which trust me, you will be back for sometime soon).....
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Get a seperate Email address just for this affair and make your it has a password that is not easy to guess. Never leave your cell phone laying around Get a fake gym membership, a new hobby or something you can use as an alibi Continue to act how you always have with your wife. LMAO @ Woggle... You forgot to tell him to get a throw away phone, and always leave it hidden in his car. Make sure he gets at least one good male friend who is willing to be his alibi, and will occasionally call and talk to the W and bring up things like "last night when X was here at my house watching the game.." when we all know that X was out with his OW. and ... always make sure you carry gasoline with you to hide the smell of OW.. a good spritzing of gasoline will cover the strongest of perfumes.. just be sure to walk in the house "p!ssed off" about "that damned petrol pump leaked gasoline all over me. I am sure I spilled alomst a gallon on my hands and clothes before I was able to get it shut off!!"
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I guess pay cash for a lot of things. And throw away receipts. I do have to wonder why you don't just leave your marriage. I never understand this about married men. You fall in love with someone else, betray your wives, and then eventually break the OW's heart because you insist on staying in your marriage. Everybody loses. You have no idea how much you're going to end up hurting the OW. Not to mention your wife if she ever finds out. But, I mean, why even do this? You know you love someone else and you know that you don't even think enough of your wife to be faithful to her. Why not just get yourself free so that you can really enjoy this person you love? You know, I got to the point where I started losing respect for my xMM because after a point, he should've made the decision to either leave his marriage or end the affair. He didn't want to do either. So I ended it for him. If it were up to him, we'd still be having an affair. I don't think he knows how much it affected me to know that he looked at his wife every day and lied to her. To hear him talk to his employees about how much he valued family. I hated hearing him lie. Well, he did value family but he came across like a saint and I knew that he wasn't one. And that's what you'll be starting with this person you love - it'll start out based on lies and that will eventually tear at the fabric of what the two of you have.
Woggle Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 MM who cheat for the most part only want some side action. I am sorry for the pain OW go through but if you stick your hand in the piranha tank expect to get bitten.
Jeff1962 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Even if I knew how to hide an affair, I would not help you do so. You need to have more respect for your wife and for yourself by ending it with your wife if you are going to sleep around on her. Has she done the same to you? Let me ask you this. If you came home and kissed your wife on the lips would you be ok with the fact that a few hours prior to your kiss that your wife had another man's penis in her mouth? Something to think about.
pureinheart Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Even if I knew how to hide an affair, I would not help you do so. You need to have more respect for your wife and for yourself by ending it with your wife if you are going to sleep around on her. Has she done the same to you? Let me ask you this. If you came home and kissed your wife on the lips would you be ok with the fact that a few hours prior to your kiss that your wife had another man's penis in her mouth? Something to think about. Hey ahhhh, Jeff, don't hold back, tell how us how you really feel....lol....(((((((((((huggggs)))))))))
pureinheart Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I have to say, this post is very interesting...lol.... Having the background of being BS, WS and AP, I have to say when I was the WS I can't remember lying or hiding anything....anyone who knew me knew I did what I wanted...and knew I had a good reason for it. As a teen I lied to my mom for partying purposes.
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 If you love this other woman like you say you do, then read some of the threads here, before you destroy her soul.. read about the pain so many of us OW suffer. Read the threads over on the infidelity boards about how much pain the wives suffer at the hands of their cheating husbands who are too pu*ssy to make a damned decision. If you love either of these woman, then grow the hell up and either divorce your wife, or let go of this other woman before you tear apart the hearts of both women.
willowfields Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 i will answer your question on what you are looking for. my ap and i never used our cell phones to call one another, just work phones, no texting. if we did happen to text it was deleted, any call logs deleted. we always paid for everything in cash. if we did happen to get a room, our real names where never used. i started an email acct to for him that did not have my name attached to it, all emails deleted, i have never saved one. my IM, nothing is ever saved in the archives. no cards or gifts exchanged of a personal nature. if there was, again the cards would be thrown out. i also set my computer to automatically delete all browsing history. with my cell bill it is all paperless billing, so no bills ever go to my house for the times i have used my cell phone to call him. also my cell bill is pin locked with a password, no one, i mean no one can get into it. we never rode in each others cars. i know there is more, so if i come up with anything else i will let you know.
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 i will answer your question on what you are looking for. my ap and i never used our cell phones to call one another, just work phones, no texting. if we did happen to text it was deleted, any call logs deleted. we always paid for everything in cash. if we did happen to get a room, our real names where never used. i started an email acct to for him that did not have my name attached to it, all emails deleted, i have never saved one. my IM, nothing is ever saved in the archives. no cards or gifts exchanged of a personal nature. if there was, again the cards would be thrown out. i also set my computer to automatically delete all browsing history. with my cell bill it is all paperless billing, so no bills ever go to my house for the times i have used my cell phone to call him. also my cell bill is pin locked with a password, no one, i mean no one can get into it. we never rode in each others cars. i know there is more, so if i come up with anything else i will let you know. Sorry if this seems like thread jacking, but.. Willow, it sounds so clinical and planned... *sigh* I don't think I could be in My affair like that... we give each other gifts, we call each others personal cells, we text, I ride in his vehicle all the time (and smoke.. which is a big red flag to anyone who knows him, as he is allergic to the smoke, so doesn't allow anyone else to smoke in his truck), I save his emails, he saves mine.. he even recorded me snoring as a sound file on his phone ("cause it is cute and I can listen to it when I am missing you" he said) it makes me sad to think he wouldn't do all those loving things with/for me. Even though by doing them he is taking "risks", it is because he loves me that he is willing to take those risks... I forget your story, is your relationship PA/FWB only, without much emotional attachment? It just seems to me it would be hard to behave like that in a truly emotional affair.
Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Sorry if this seems like thread jacking, but.. Willow, it sounds so clinical and planned... *sigh* I don't think I could be in My affair like that... we give each other gifts, we call each others personal cells, we text, I ride in his vehicle all the time (and smoke.. which is a big red flag to anyone who knows him, as he is allergic to the smoke, so doesn't allow anyone else to smoke in his truck), I save his emails, he saves mine.. he even recorded me snoring as a sound file on his phone ("cause it is cute and I can listen to it when I am missing you" he said) it makes me sad to think he wouldn't do all those loving things with/for me. Even though by doing them he is taking "risks", it is because he loves me that he is willing to take those risks... I forget your story, is your relationship PA/FWB only, without much emotional attachment? It just seems to me it would be hard to behave like that in a truly emotional affair. My xMM used to be so careless with some things, like his phone or his appearance/smell after seeing me among other things, but he was careful with money. Never used a card - always cash. In a way though, I almost don't want to give you advice, knowing what might be ahead for you guys :-/
jj33 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) If you dont know how to have an affair and be discreet then you are WAY out of your depth here. Its like they say on the TV shows - dont try this at home. having an affair is a logistical nightmare. You obviously care about getting caught - so WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Do you love your wife? Do you want a divorce? What is your motivation (other than the obvious lust enjoying this woman's company) Where do you see this going? A few months and then it will peter out? What would you do IF you got caught? You need to REALLy think this through. We all get the hots for other people. We all find ourselves where our heart shouldnt be from time to time. But if YOU dont know (we dont know your life your job your commitments your W etc etc ) then we certainly dont. As a former OW I would say well if she really loves you too, she is in for heartbreak. Having an A with a man who is keen to have an a and is clueless as to how to proceed is like going to a tailor for heart surgery.... Yes he can cut and sew but the patient is bound to be seriously injured Not making fun of you but - what is really up here? If you have any deep feeling for this woman or your W, then step back and think this through ASAP OK I read your other post - you are really confused. Step back. Sometimes we want things, but we cant have them or we can but they come at a great cost (in this case this woman's heart or possibly your marriage). Are you auditioning for wife number 2? You have to figure out what you want. Have you considered counselling? Edited January 23, 2010 by jj33
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 My xMM used to be so careless with some things, like his phone or his appearance/smell after seeing me among other things, but he was careful with money. Never used a card - always cash. In a way though, I almost don't want to give you advice, knowing what might be ahead for you guys :-/ Mine uses his cards sometimes, sometimes not.. *shrug* I have sometimes wondered why he doesn't see it as being a red flag to his W that he uses his credit cards to buy things like toilet paper, cigarettes (he doesn't smoke) , dish soap, laundry soap, all the things he is constantly stopping and picking up for me, when he is supposed to be in a different town staying in a motel/hotel... but, really, it is not my place to worry about how he hides or doesn't hide our affair.. that is his burden to carry, not mine.
willowfields Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 you have to be careful, yes things use to have to be thought out. such as saving an email.it's way too dangerous. one day that email could be found. if you are careless this is how there could be a DD. now things for me are very different. i live on my own, mm wife moved out. we can call each other on our cells, and email and IM.
Got it Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I think there are sites that are more geared to helping the MP but it is pretty much what you would think, separate email addresses, separate phones, etc. I can tell you neither my MM or myself (when I was married) really hid anything. We used our phones, our computers, etc. Because how separate our lives were from our spouses there was/is very little hiding. I could not do the "stereotypical" affair by doing all of that. *Shrug* I had a very similar thing happen, fell in love very quickly and was shocked by it. For ME, I knew that meant my marriage was beyond done (as well as many factors unique to the relationship) so within 6 weeks I left. I could not continue with the two like that. That was me. My MM continued the affair for over a year while living at home. He did not really hide much, it was more lying by omission. He's goal, before me, was to leave. And he was getting his finances in order. Where are you with your marriage? Are you wanting to continue both of them? I did recommend to my MM to get therapy which he did. He helped him deal with a lot of different issues on WHY he would use that as a coping mechanism and helped him own his reasonings. I quite earlier than I think he should have but hopefully he will go back. I do recommend therapy to help you figure out your thought process. What do you want?
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