mortensorchid Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I had written about this situation a few weeks ago that I was in a state of confusion about, but looking back I think I'm glad I didn't go forth with it. Let me explain ... We had met on Match. He seemed quite nice, he was an Englishman living in the States. He is/was listed as divorced, and I wasn't going to ask him about what happened with his marriage. He did eventually volunteer that he came to live in this part of the world because his ex wife was from here. They have been divorced approximately six to nine months, he said "We were better off as friends". I just left it at that, it's none of my business after all what happened with his marriage. Then, at our second get together, he said that he had to leave because his ex wife is out of town and he had to go feed her cat for her. Maybe I was just being paranoid, but I thought that's a bit odd. Was he telling the truth? Well, I guess that could be true, but I thought it was a bit weird. Eventually we just tapered off in terms of communication, he said he met someone else via text message. But, I guess it's for the best.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 So is there a question or an issue, or was this just thinking "out loud"?
OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Was he telling the truth? Well, I guess that could be true, but I thought it was a bit weird. Eventually we just tapered off in terms of communication, he said he met someone else via text message. But, I guess it's for the best. I think "I have to go feed my ex's cat" was a euphemism for "I'm not that interested" or "This date isn't going that well." Supporting evidence is the tapering off of communication and then that he met someone else, rather than a 3rd date with you... Cats don't need to be fed at a specific time, and if he'd been feeding her every day there was definitely no urgency. Sorry to be blunt.
Stung Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I think "I have to go feed my ex's cat" was a euphemism for "I'm not that interested" or "This date isn't going that well." Supporting evidence is the tapering off of communication and then that he met someone else, rather than a 3rd date with you... Cats don't need to be fed at a specific time, and if he'd been feeding her every day there was definitely no urgency. Sorry to be blunt. In light of the communication tapering off and his subsequently revealing he'd met someone else, I basically concur that this was probably a clue that he was not that into it. However I would like to point out that taking care of a pet they presumably held in common until recently is not that odd, and that actually there are a few situations where a cat would need to be fed on a schedule, other than simply the cat's preference. If the cat were on medication, for example, or was let out during the day and then lured back in at night at a usual time with a tin of food. If not for the subsequent actions I (as a longtime cat-owner) would have mentally given this a pass with no real red flags, although I might have wondered briefly just how under his ex-wife's thumb he might turn out to be.
OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 In light of the communication tapering off and his subsequently revealing he'd met someone else, I basically concur that this was probably a clue that he was not that into it. However I would like to point out that taking care of a pet they presumably held in common until recently is not that odd, and that actually there are a few situations where a cat would need to be fed on a schedule, other than simply the cat's preference. If the cat were on medication, for example, or was let out during the day and then lured back in at night at a usual time with a tin of food. If not for the subsequent actions I (as a longtime cat-owner) would have mentally given this a pass with no real red flags, although I might have wondered briefly just how under his ex-wife's thumb he might turn out to be. True, true. Though he could've made the date for a time when he wouldn't have to cut it short to take care of the cat...Just more evidence supporting what was already stated.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 This was more or less just a "thinking out loud" kind of story. I do have many of them, those that fortunately didn't always happen to me, but this was just a train of thought. Still, it just wasn't meant to be I guess. Whether or not he really had to go and feed his ex wife's cat or not.
Angel1111 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Just speaking generally, guys from England can be VERY arrogant and a lot of them think they're superior to everyone else. This seems to be a male thing, not a female thing. My English ex was constantly putting Americans down to the point that it got on my nerves. They can be very negative and ill-mannered. Plus, when they come to the States, they're usually overwhelmed by the way women are attracted to them because of their looks and accent. My ex's married friend came to the States for business and they went to a strip bar where, according to my ex, his friend spent most of the night having sex with a stripper in the back room. The guy you dated probably cheated on his wife and guys often say things like that - 'we were better off being friends' because they screwed up so badly. Don't romanticize him, because you don't know what he was really like. My experience with Englishmen hasn't been stellar. Maybe he wasn't that interested in you but giving you a lame excuse like that was just dumb. You probably didn't lose much.
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