daddypop1 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I really need a reality check or something. Not sure who knows my story, I havent been on here in awhile. My wife has been cheating on me off and on for the better part of 13 yrs, needless to say we have had major issues. I have had trust issues and had become jealous, insecure ..The last time it happened was about 5 yrs ago(that I know of) and after that episode supposedly she had changed. We seemed to get along ok but Im finding out now that there has always been issues with our relationship. I was always loyal to her and would pretty much do anything she wanted. I actually believed that she wasnt going to cheat on me again. She really seemed like she changed. Fast forward to Oct. I started getting that feeling again. I knew she was seeing another guy but she wouldnt admit it. Anyway i figured it out and she left me Oct 26 saying she needed to do it on her own, still saying it wasnt about this other guy. Well as time went on I had enough and filed for divorce on Nov.20 - I was pretty bitter and mad. We had a temporary divorce hearing and I got primary custody of the kids. Whenever she would try to call me, I didnt answer. Texting same thing. It was always about the kids or something like that, never about us. When she would come get the kids, I didnt really say much to her. Kept everything as low contact as possible, almost to the point of me being an *******. On Jan 19, she called and said she needed to talk to me about our daughter. So we argued and then talked for a couple hours and it turned into her missing me and wanting me to stop the divorce. So she came and picked me up and showed me her new house. She was acting nice and then a couple hrs later she started saying we needed to be friends and parents first. The next day I was talking to her and I went off on her about all the crap we have gone thru and how screwed up she is. She started crying and was begging me to go to counseling with her. I told her the only way would be if she called her boyfriend in front of me and told him they were done. She said ok. Then she calls me later and says she needs to go to counseling by herself and that she is really screwed up. In the meantime she is still with her boyfriend, and she tells me she loves him. She says our problems is that we were never friends and her and the new man have respect for each other. But she still loves me and has feelings for me. She is trying to figure out what those feelings mean. I am really pathetic and still hung up on this woman. I was doing really good up until a few days ago. Im having a hard time believing that these past 13 yrs, we have had no friendship or anything. What in the **** is wrong with me???????? I would of done anything for this woman and she acts like we have had such a bad relationship. She says regardless of this other guy or not, she still would of left me because we have no respect or friendship. I will admit I had issues and questioned her about things and got mad at her sometimes when I shouldnt of. Now this jackass gets her when she has her **** all figured out?? Since they have respect for each other and a connection they are going to have a good relationship??Wow Im glad she worked out all her **** on me...... Sorry, I had to get this off my chest.
phineas Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Oh yes. I got the "i and he are friends & we are not friends line." Anything & i mean ANYTHING she could think of to justify her cheating so she didn't have to admit to herself that she was a POS. Dude, don't stop the divorce. Move on with your life. She is toxic.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 "We can be friends" I hate that line, total BS. Friends don't cheat on friends. Nuff Said Respect, how can you respect a cheater? Nuff Said I second Phineas motion, do not stop the divorce. And hang on to the daughter. If she wants to go to C let her go, but nothing from you until she kicks the OM in the you know whats
Gunny376 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 The thing you need to come to grips with and understand is that in 2010? Most people, both men and women are simply NOT LTR nor marriage material. You need to dump the outright lies, fallacies, myths about what a marriage is? Marriage in 2010 is NOT what it was 70 years ago. Its just way too easy to get PO and run and file for a divorce. Marriage anymore is nothing more than "serial monogamy" ~ that is to say that "If this doesn't work out? I'll get out of it the same way I did the last one?" Even if it does become long term, the sex and intimate relationships drop off. She ends up watching the Home and Garden Network in one room, and you end up watching "the game" in the other. Half of all first time marriages end in divorce. Of the remaining half ~ only 13% report that they are "happily" married. Of the remaining 37% they're staying together because of the status quo, finances, the children, the grandchildren, etc. (Source: "CrazyTime")
someotherguy Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Jesus, sounds a lot like my own story, feel free to look up my threads if you're interested. Long story short: This woman will ruin your life, so continue with the divorce and get custody. You'll be much happier.
Author daddypop1 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks all for replying.. I read your posts someotherguy, and there are alot of similarities to our storys - cheating with the brother, great isnt it? It is really hard cuz my wife comes off as having her **** 2gether. She seems like she has it all figured out and she just wasnt happy with me. This new guy gets her and they have respect for each other - wtf ever... I keep trying to figure out what her motive was for telling me that she had a dream about me and has been praying alot. She says she gets the feeling that God is telling her to work on our marriage. But she isnt, she is still with this ****head. I hate when people use God and religion to act like they r doing the right thing. It makes me crazy that she has some sort of power over me, but I guess that is my fault for letting her. I think she likes to **** with head and pretend like she has love and feelings for me. She just told me that today and that she was confused about her feelings, but she has been with her boyfriend all day. What in the **** is wrong with people????????
seibert253 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 D her ASAP. No, you can't be friends with someone who lies and disprespects you at every turn. No matter what she says, she will NEVER change, period. She's broke, and frankly IMO she'll never be "fixed". You deserve better.
Author daddypop1 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Filed for divorce on Nov 20, have a 4 month waiting period. Its hard to believe that I almost stopped it a couple days ago. I need to keep my head on straight.
Author daddypop1 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Is it possible that she never thought of me as her friend??? Why do I want this woman back? We have been together for 13 years and have alot of good times. I keep feeling like alot of our problems have been my fault. It seems like she is so happy with her new guy. I cant help but feel like she worked out all her problems on me and now she is going to have a good relationship with her boyfriend. Sick of feeling depressed everyday.
jesslindy Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I cant help but feel like she worked out all her problems on me and now she is going to have a good relationship with her boyfriend. Sick of feeling depressed everyday. This thought used to really get under my skin as well. Dont worry, that isn't going to happen. IMO, you need to be by yourself and do some intense digging, and feel some pain to make constant and lasting change. You have no reason to change when someone is tugging on your heartstrings. She will decimate him when the feet get cold again. Don't worry.
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