Blueberry7691 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Brief recap...this past Monday, I saw my ex-bf as we stopped at the same red light. He waved, I smiled. I texted HI, He said he was okay. That was the end. I felt fine. Didn't want him back, and I still don't want him back. But holy cow!! For the past 2 days, I've been missing him like crazy and have been sooo tempted to call him. Didn't think I'd feel this way since I haven't felt this way since the break up 6 weeks ago. I think seeing him, triggered something in me even though it took 3 days to feel. I haven't called him because I keep thinking what all you say..if I don't want him back, don't do it! I just want this feeling to pass. I'm even surprised I feel this way. Why do I feel this way?
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Don't know why it happens. But I had the same thing. Seen my EX at work having not seen her for about 6 weeks. The next day I was in turmoil, like a sort of delayed response or something. BIG BIG set-back as you say. It's like an old wound has been slowly opened, and the pain only kicks back in after a day or 2. I have started to realise I couldn't carry on the way I was. I was thinking about her far too much. What good was it doing me ?? None. The same goes for you. The more you think about him, the more hurt you feel. i understand how difficult it is to not think about them. But it has to start. Try getting all your feelings for them out of the way in the morning, very first thing, get them out of your head straight away, then hopefully you can concentrate on other stuff for the rest of the day.
Serena2009 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Brief recap...this past Monday, I saw my ex-bf as we stopped at the same red light. He waved, I smiled. I texted HI, He said he was okay. That was the end. I felt fine. Didn't want him back, and I still don't want him back. But holy cow!! For the past 2 days, I've been missing him like crazy and have been sooo tempted to call him. Didn't think I'd feel this way since I haven't felt this way since the break up 6 weeks ago. I think seeing him, triggered something in me even though it took 3 days to feel. I haven't called him because I keep thinking what all you say..if I don't want him back, don't do it! I just want this feeling to pass. I'm even surprised I feel this way. Why do I feel this way? Hey Blueberry, Read your two conflicting statements bolded above. You miss him and have been repeatedly expressing a desire that you do want him back in your life, in some context anyway. So, the question becomes, why do you want him back in your life and in what context. And I really think . . . since you are the dumper . . . in fairness to him . . . that you need to leave him be and not contact him until you develop complete self awareness of exactly where you stand in relation to him. Since you were the dumper, it's only fair to him that you work to discover what you want want from him and the relationship before you initiate any contact. Then, after full examination of yourself and your motivations, if you do decide its fair to initiate contact, you need to be completely honest with him about what your terms are regarding reestablishing a relationship with him. Don't be disingenuous with him or yourself. Above all, be honest, first with yourself, and second with him.
nobmagnet Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 we all have them honey! The key is to realise they are not with you for a reason..........you in turn are not with them for a reason. Gaudy is right.........scouse git......try to get it all out and then enjoy your day. Plan yourself a night out and make sure you look amazing and shine. (gaudy is the KING of going out!!) Nobby xx
Author Blueberry7691 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Hey Blueberry, Read your two conflicting statements bolded above. You miss him and have been repeatedly expressing a desire that you do want him back in your life, in some context anyway. So, the question becomes, why do you want him back in your life and in what context. And I really think . . . since you are the dumper . . . in fairness to him . . . that you need to leave him be and not contact him until you develop complete self awareness of exactly where you stand in relation to him. Since you were the dumper, it's only fair to him that you work to discover what you want want from him and the relationship before you initiate any contact. Then, after full examination of yourself and your motivations, if you do decide its fair to initiate contact, you need to be completely honest with him about what your terms are regarding reestablishing a relationship with him. Don't be disingenuous with him or yourself. Above all, be honest, first with yourself, and second with him. Not sure if missing someone and wanting them back are the same. I think I miss him but still don't want him back. I don't know.. I want to hear his voice. Actually, I can hear it in my left ear. (weird why it's only that ear). I feel like I want to hear his voice and then tell him how I feel. 'I miss you but, I don't want to see you again'. Ugh!!! It's terrible, I know. Everything you've said above is true. I have to examine myself first. I won't call him because it's not fair. Thank you!!!
Serena2009 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Not sure if missing someone and wanting them back are the same. I think I miss him but still don't want him back. I don't know.. I want to hear his voice. Actually, I can hear it in my left ear. (weird why it's only that ear). I feel like I want to hear his voice and then tell him how I feel. 'I miss you but, I don't want to see you again'. Ugh!!! It's terrible, I know. Everything you've said above is true. I have to examine myself first. I won't call him because it's not fair. Thank you!!! Hey again BB, I'm trying to say this in the gentlest of all forms because I knw you're in pain. Look at your statements that are bolded above. The statements are incongruent. Normally, if you miss someone, you do want to connect with them!! It's only terrible if you choose to be inconsiderate of his feelings. I don't think that's at all what you're doing at this point. Instead, you're examining your own feelings. It takes strength to do this so give yourself some credit as you continue to do this.
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