Update - Trying a reconcilliation

[GoodDad]

Well things were all over the map recently until we finally had a breakthrough in MC on how we both got here and could move forward. My wife came to realize I truly understood and regretted how my withdrawing and shutting down hurt her and how it pushed her away. On her part, she finally came clean with everything and took full responsibility for her contributions to the breakdown in the marriage including the EA.

 

We came up with a plan to start to rebuild the broken trust in our marriage. Since then she has put back on her ring, broken it off completely with the OM, where I could verify and fully committed to working on the marriage. We both know we have a long way to being "fixed", but we are on the the long road to recovery. I know there are no guarantee's, but at least now I know we are both working on things and are giving it our best shot, BOTH of us, and if it fails it wasn't because one of us tried and the other dialed it in, but that we both gave it 100% and it just wasn't meant to be, which is a different thing altogether.

 

So, IC and MC will continue for a while at this point.

 

My trust levels need to be built back up, but that will take time and I know that. My wife understands it too. She is immediately open and honest when I ask questions or we talk, no attempts at justifying or dissembling. It just feels different, and good. She has to trust that I won't shut down again or withdraw from her instead of communicating my frustrations in a more healthy way.

 

I am working that issue as well as realizing I need help with a major problem I have with confrontation and when I don't express my frustration or needs I can bottle and it comes out in passive aggressive ways, and I see that now.

 

The thing I like about the way things are now is I feel more equalized with her, and like we aren't playing games anymore, things feel more open, and honest now. Nothing being hidden or held back. We agreed that we have to keep communicating, especially if things are going sideways so that we can prevent things deteriorating again.

 

I think its good that I don't take things for granted anymore. My biggest mistake was trusting unconditionally or thinking this couldn't happen to me, or an EA couldn't happen. I think its better to realize this can happen to any couple that lets communication die and takes things for granted and to be on guard for it and watch and bring things up early if it comes up again.

 

I am going to read more of Owl's story. Him and his wife recovered from her EA and were able to rebuild. There might be some good analogies there.

 

Here's hoping that we learned enough and keep working hard enough not to F it up a second time. One day at a time I guess.

 

Moving forward from any type of affair, whether EA or PA isn't something every couple can do and isn't right for some, but whether you reconcile during your seperation or call it quits and move on I wish my fellow LS'rs peace with whatever path they go down.

 

Take care,

 

GD

[floridapad]

Great to hear GD. I was routing for you. Tough road ahead but the toughest is behind.

[lovelydivorcee]

It is so good to hear your story. Each of you deserve 100% from the other. As long as you are both fighting for each other and remain focused it will work out. I wish you the best.

[2.50 a gallon]

GD

 

Perhaps a success story in the making. It sounds as if you are getting it together and you know it will take time.

 

I wish you luck