consume Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Sry for the long post. I opened up old wounds... bad idea... I dated this girl (my ex now) for 3 years, and in the fall of 2008, we broke up. We are both 28. During the 3 years, when times where good, they were beyond good, but unfortunately the times were more then not bad. At the time, she had a bad addiction to smoking pot, and when she ran out, watch out. Eventually, I started to fall out of love with her for that reason, because there's only so many times a person can be yelled at, called things before the relationship breaks. Before we officially called it quits, I cheated... and so we went our seperate ways. She moved out of town, but we still hooked up (usual reason) about 1-2 times a week, from Spring 09 until later summer 09. Hooking up brought back a lot of feelings, however many times she made it clear she did not want to enter back into a relationship. But I kept my hopes up and nothing came of it. Late summer, I decided to call it quits to the hook ups because it messed with my head too much. In the fall, I met a new girl, who I'm still with and love. Where I messed up though, is that I kept in contact with the ex, and I don't think there's ever been closure... at least not for me, and feelings are still harboured... For the past few months I havn't been in contact, which was good. ...until today, I talked with her, and she went into detail about a new guys she's been dating at her work, how he's the best thing since sliced bread, her perfect match, they plan to marry within 2 years, and now she tell's me she's moving again "somewhere". She talked a lot about how well she's doing... healthy eating yadda yadda.... and legitimatly, I know she is doing very well now because I hear details from my mom since her parents are still friends... something I wish not to have happened. I guess there's two things to this. One, is that it makes me angry a bit, that I had to put with all the mood swings, and smoking pot, and bad times, and now she's got her life together, good job, the new perfect match boyfriend, etc... I feel almost cheated. She's admitted countless time's the way we could be and felt around each other she's never had with anyone else, so it does hurt. A lot actually, because we could act like total goofballs around eachother. The second thing, is that talking with her, has stirred up all the old emotions that I was trying to bury, and it's been hard to get really close with my current GF because... I feel like the last 3 years is still unresolved for me. I went with my Ex to europe, and just all the memories I have, are all coming back... it sucks. Any suggestions? Advice. Thanks in advance.
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 In the fall, I met a new girl, who I'm still with and love. Put it this way, your past has now passed. Let it go. Your future is whatever beautiful things you can do with your life from now on. And this girl who you're with now is your present. Your here and now. The present is the only thing that matters in anyone's life because it's where we ALWAYS are. Please don't overlook the girl who you are with right now. Otherwise you might just end up posting on here about HER being your EX and you just didn't realise what you had when you had it. Good Luck mate.
Author consume Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I am trying to move on, though sometimes it's harder then other days. I tend to think about he past with my ex quite a bit... there was a lot of neglect of attention on my part, and emotional anger towards me on her part... but when times were good, they were beyond good, we could act and feel a certain way around each other, which I've never had with anyone. I guess that is why I think about her a lot. I do a lot of romantic things with my current gf, sit down by the docks etc.. but it's during those times I think about the ex a lot, wishing she was there, even just to talk you know? It's hard to stay in the present and move on,... I feel like if I don't stay in contact that I loose her 100% for ever... but then if I do... it only hurts me, and my current relationship.
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You accept that she's part of your past, which is a start. Now you need to leave her there.
Author consume Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 How do you push yourself to that no contact point? That's one of the hardest things... the thought of pushing her completely out of my life for good, is a hard thought.
lastnight Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 consume, your thoughts and the way you feel sound similar to me. But trust me, no contact is the only way. Every day I think about my ex, and I'm moving away tomorrow to get on with my life and not be surrounded by the memories in my old apartment and the streets where we created some memories i'll cherish forever. Packing up my stuff I found a box of our relationship memories, and it nearly broke me clean in half. I wanted to reach out to her,even though she left me.....TWICE. This girl really got a hold of me, and treated me in ways I knew were wrong and would probably resent and not tolerate from anybody else because the highs were so high. But you know, eventually, I do honestly believe this, that you'll find those higher than highs, but without the drama and lowest of lows, you'll find the harmony and balance of a great relationship and all doubt, reminiscing about a relationship that has past, but is broken and done, because you're not with that person anymore........will fade away, slowly but surely. Believe me too, I also had a second chance with my ex, people don't change they grow and shift slightly either way, but they never trully change all that much. Remember all the times you wanted something less hassle when the bad was bad with your ex, heres your chance with your new gf. Hell I don't know your current situation, but if it doesn't set you free, then the new girl might not be the one but she sure deserves better than your mind on your ex who clearly, you were not meant to end up with.... peace man x
Author consume Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thanks for the replies, put's better light onto things. My new gf does deserve my full attention, and I hate that I havn't been giving it to her. I live in a big city, and my Ex and I had some of out highest memories downtown, so it does definately make it hard to focus when I'm down there with the current gf... The other thing is the dreams, I hate them... been non stop for for the last 6 months. Hopefully the saying is true, that time heal's all. Thanks again for the replies.
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