Ncb89 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Hi all, I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 3 1/2 years. I have dated other guys but they just do not compare, and the same goes for him. We both haven't met anyone we love as much as each other. My friends, family, co workers etc. are always on my case about how stupid the situation i am in is. I try to ignore but it does get to me, and i know they are valid in their points of how a relationship just isn't complete if you can't see your partner more than 3 weeks out of every 6 months. Not only is my boyfriend long-distance but he lives in England. I met him while he was working in the states on a visa, and while he was here it was easier to see him. We saw each other as much as we could while he was working here during the 6 months. We Skype and video chat almost every night. He came to see me 4 times, and I have gone to England twice in the past year. I love him so much, I am so comfortable with him, and I feel so happy being by his side. I just came back from England on Jan. 14th and since then I have had this feeling of emptiness, and have been getting rushes of jealousy and its becoming apparent. I trust him, and I am confident, but I can't help feeling a little threatened by other girls over there. There is a 4 year age different, i am transferring to a different school, while hes already done with college. I would love to go visit for the summer, but my parents won't allow it. I do not want to end it and then find out ill never love someone the same, or regret it later on in life. What should I do? The thought of him being happy with another girl is tremendously painful. any advice would be great appreciated!
Lovin a scrapper Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Long distance relationships are almost always a bad idea. Not only do they rarely end well, but they are fraught from beginning to end with anxiety and fear and lonliness. This holds true regardless of how well-suited the people are for each other, or how much they want the relationship to work. And your BF will cheat on you, if he hasn't already. And not because he is a terrible person, but because he is human and needs more intimacy than a LDR can possibly provide. Unless you two can find some way to close the distance between you--and quickly--your relationship is very unlikely to survive. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. You may want to read other LDR threads in this forum and look how many LDR's are successful before you make unwarranted blanket statements like this one.
KikiW Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Ditto what scrapper said. It's hard work, but there are plenty of success stories.
ADF Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You may want to read other LDR threads in this forum and look how many LDR's are successful before you make unwarranted blanket statements like this one. I have read other threads, and the overwhelming majority are about failed LDRs. Sure, there are some exceptions. A few. But that doesn't change the basic fact that LDR tend to be very stressfull for the people involved and suffer a very high rate of failure. Your accusing me of making "unwarranted blanket statements" is also typical. People involved in LDR want so badly for them to work, need so badly to believe they can, that's they get hostile and defensive when people point out they usually don't. That's okay.
Author Ncb89 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 And thats a bad thing when people want them to work badly? Thats called effort, maybe you've have a bad experience, because you seem to be AWFULLY bitter. believe me i've had my stresses, but all relationships are extremely stressful at points. i honestly did appreciate your opinion, but it only fueled me to work harder. good day.
ADF Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 And thats a bad thing when people want them to work badly? Thats called effort, maybe you've have a bad experience, because you seem to be AWFULLY bitter. believe me i've had my stresses, but all relationships are extremely stressful at points. i honestly did appreciate your opinion, but it only fueled me to work harder. good day. Well, that raises another important question: does anyone actually take advice when it comes to relationships? In my experience, most people don't. They ask for it. They might even resolve to take a given course of action, based on what their friends recommend. But when the moment of truth arrives, they just do whatever they were going to do anyway.
zebracolors Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 ^^Well said Ncb89! Please don't listen to people who say LDRs can't work. The purpose of this board is to provide moral support to people who are in that kind of relationship. Same for the other board categories. So really would be nice if nay sayers would not come here and try to change people's minds about it, by presuming things about people they don't even know. I'm sure no one in their right mind would prefer an LDR, if they can help it. It's much nicer when you can physically be together with the other. Any of us would grant that, but sometimes it just happens that way that two people who love each other have to be physically separated for a while. And Ncb, very good points in your last post. You've got the communication part but you just need to trust him to stay faithful to you. Trust is vital in any kind of relationship. Also don't let yourself stress over it, you've got to try and occupy your mind positively during the times you can't talk to him. There are any number of things you could do, but you have to find something that you'd enjoy, a hobby or activity perhaps with friends. Just don't let worrying thoughts consume you. All that said I wish you and your guy all the best.
Lovin a scrapper Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) Your accusing me of making "unwarranted blanket statements" is also typical. People involved in LDR want so badly for them to work, need so badly to believe they can, that's they get hostile and defensive when people point out they usually don't. That's okay. If that is a typical statement to you then so be it. I was neither defensive or hostile. I was making a point. I expected you to know the difference. I suppose I was wrong. By the way. My girlfriend is visiting me as we speak and we have been house hunting all week in preparation for her move here sometime after June. Some failure huh? Edited January 22, 2010 by Lovin a scrapper
ADF Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 If that is a typical statement to you then so be it. I was neither defensive or hostile. I was making a point. I expected you to know the difference. I suppose I was wrong. By the way. My girlfriend is visiting me as we speak and we have been house hunting all week in preparation for her move here sometime after June. Some failure huh? Know what? You've convinced me. LDRs are a great idea. I'm gonna go out and try to find me one right now.
hoping2heal Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Hi all, I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 3 1/2 years. I have dated other guys but they just do not compare, and the same goes for him. We both haven't met anyone we love as much as each other. My friends, family, co workers etc. are always on my case about how stupid the situation i am in is. I try to ignore but it does get to me, and i know they are valid in their points of how a relationship just isn't complete if you can't see your partner more than 3 weeks out of every 6 months. Not only is my boyfriend long-distance but he lives in England. I met him while he was working in the states on a visa, and while he was here it was easier to see him. We saw each other as much as we could while he was working here during the 6 months. We Skype and video chat almost every night. He came to see me 4 times, and I have gone to England twice in the past year. I love him so much, I am so comfortable with him, and I feel so happy being by his side. I just came back from England on Jan. 14th and since then I have had this feeling of emptiness, and have been getting rushes of jealousy and its becoming apparent. I trust him, and I am confident, but I can't help feeling a little threatened by other girls over there. There is a 4 year age different, i am transferring to a different school, while hes already done with college. I would love to go visit for the summer, but my parents won't allow it. I do not want to end it and then find out ill never love someone the same, or regret it later on in life. What should I do? The thought of him being happy with another girl is tremendously painful. any advice would be great appreciated! Okay, I am also in a bi-country LDR. I also have gotten all the hodge posh from family. Like CONSTANTLY. However, while I have had a handful of "love's" in the past so this isn't my first RS, It is the best one I've ever had. It's like a warm, fluffy, giant cloud that smells like marshmallow . Our Rs between the two of us is VERY deep and wonderful and I am so so sooo very in love with this man. I've never had anyone in my life that inspires me so very much to the extent he does. I'm at my best with him. Okay, before I turn this into a mush fest about MY Rs... I think it's an utter load of crap for your family or friends, but even WORSE for you to agree with them on all the nonsense they talk. I don't know about you but I know all the people talking mine down either don't have a Rs or don't have a good one; so they are hardly the authority. Anyhow, friends and family can have a huge influence once they get inside your head and even if they are wrong; the day you think they are right and end your RS you could really really regret it. The only thing that concerns me is the age difference. Not because it's Four years but I get the impression one of you is a minor and the other is not? Anyway maybe this Rs will last forever, maybe it won't but if it doesn't work out it shouldn't be because your friends or family had a say in it.
Author Ncb89 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Okay, I am also in a bi-country LDR. I also have gotten all the hodge posh from family. Like CONSTANTLY. However, while I have had a handful of "love's" in the past so this isn't my first RS, It is the best one I've ever had. It's like a warm, fluffy, giant cloud that smells like marshmallow . Our Rs between the two of us is VERY deep and wonderful and I am so so sooo very in love with this man. I've never had anyone in my life that inspires me so very much to the extent he does. I'm at my best with him. Okay, before I turn this into a mush fest about MY Rs... I think it's an utter load of crap for your family or friends, but even WORSE for you to agree with them on all the nonsense they talk. I don't know about you but I know all the people talking mine down either don't have a Rs or don't have a good one; so they are hardly the authority. Anyhow, friends and family can have a huge influence once they get inside your head and even if they are wrong; the day you think they are right and end your RS you could really really regret it. The only thing that concerns me is the age difference. Not because it's Four years but I get the impression one of you is a minor and the other is not? Anyway maybe this Rs will last forever, maybe it won't but if it doesn't work out it shouldn't be because your friends or family had a say in it. Ah i know but it is so hard because I still live at home, so I do need to abide by some rules. I am very close with my mom, and I know it'd break her heart to see my leave to go there. He is older than I am. I am 21 and he is 25.
hoping2heal Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Know what? You've convinced me. LDRs are a great idea. I'm gonna go out and try to find me one right now. Maybe you should. Maybe you would be less hostile and condescending yourself and have something to smile about.
hoping2heal Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Ah i know but it is so hard because I still live at home, so I do need to abide by some rules. I am very close with my mom, and I know it'd break her heart to see my leave to go there. He is older than I am. I am 21 and he is 25. OH, Okay you aren't 15 WHEW. Okay, listen I too am close with my mom and in some ways an unhealthy extent. She isn't really thrilled about me going to my honey's country either but I am 25 years old and this is the man I am going to marry. I'll always love my mom and of course we will come see her and stay in touch with her all the time, but I'm a grown woman and I have to think about my OWN family too. I started my LDR letting my mom have a lot of influence and over time grew up and matured and starting taking responsibility for my own person. You may or may not be able to do this at this point in your life, I don't know. Every person is different. All I know is, having past Rs and what I thought was "love" to compare it too, something this good doesn't come along every day and you never know if it will even come along twice. I know that it isn't abandoning or turning my back on my family, just because I get married and have my own family elsewhere. That my family will still be a part of my life and we will do what we can to see them, cam with them (ha ha!) etc.
hoping2heal Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Oh, have you two talked about marriage? Because there is always the option of bringing him here.
Rollercoasterr Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Ah i know but it is so hard because I still live at home, so I do need to abide by some rules. I am very close with my mom, and I know it'd break her heart to see my leave to go there. He is older than I am. I am 21 and he is 25. Umm...yeah. I'm 21, my SO is 23. I still live at home. You're over 18. While it's a good idea to abide by your parents rules, I think it's stupid to let them dictate what you can and can't do if you're making your own money, and are a fairly responsible adult. If not now, when?? When you're 30? 40? Like it or not, sooner or later you're going to have to branch out and make your own life for yourself. That said, my fiance is Canadian and I'm American. We've always been LDR, as we met on the internet 6 years ago. Our relationship freaking rocks because we make time for one another, we communicate, and we do it well. He tells me when I'm being an ass, and I tell him when I want to pop his head off. It works better that way. You need to seriously think this through. You've got either 2 options. He moves to you, or you move to him. Either decision will be earth shattering and a massive adjustment. Everything isn't always unicorns and butterflies all the time, although I wish it were. I love my man more than anything in the world and I'd walk through fire(or petition the government, like I am) to be with him.
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