Caleb Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 This is my second thread on here. If any of you don't know about my breakup, well it's been really hard and I suck at the whole thing. A long story short, my g/f of four years broke up with me about two and half weeks ago. She said she wanted to see what else is out there and feels like our chemistry is gone and she feels like she doesn't love me anymore. She is already talking to another guy and planning on going on a dinner date with him next weekend. Anyways... I've been doing pretty good with the no contact, only contacting her if she contacts me. Well the other day she asked if we could go out to lunch because she had some things to give me. I asked if she meant all my **** I left at her place, and she said yeah. I said well I can just come down there to get it. She said that would be fine, but she would really like me to take her to lunch. So I agreed. Pretty sure there is no hidden agenda, and she just honestly is bored and wants to try and hang on to any friendship we have left. I obviously still love her to death and want things to work out. I'm going to look my best today and be as happy as I can be. Not bringing anything up about the relationship. Any more hints on how I should handle this? And another side note... she has told me she can't predict the future and doesn't know if we'll ever be together again in the future. She just knows that right now she wants to date other people and enjoy her last semester of college. So that's exactly what I've been working on doing. Setting her free. But what do I do about today's lunch?
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I have noticed your other thread on here, was pretty long. I know you are still hurt and its good you have been keeping NC. If it was me, I would just go and get my stuff. If they hurt you, no matter how good and happy you act in front of them, inside you will feel like you want to explode. Its going to be tough. I did the same with my ex when we were on a break. She would always want to hang out and I would act like nothing was wrong. It was so tough..I think she knew because she always accused me of not being myself because I was indifferent about the situation and acted just like a friend she had met a few days ago as opposed to the friend I was for her for 5 years. This made her mad and she would then say while we were hanging out that I didn't have to come out if I didn't want to. Just act like you don't care but be yourself. If you are yourself and she makes a deal out of it, don't worry because you are not doing anything wrong, don't let her put blame on you. Talk about everything but the relationship, don't stay too long since you have been doing NC you don't want to have feelings coming back and opening up the wound more. Basically go into it as you are having lunch with someone you just met, pretend you are just an acquaintance and don't give in to anything she says. Stay strong and you will make it through. After that, continue NC and don't make yourself available to her. Its going to be tough but since you decided to take her out you have to do it now. Just don't give her attention she wants. You have to accept that what happened is done.
NopeNah Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Cancel lunch.. You're too busy living your life. Grab your stuff some other time.
RedDevil66 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 she wants YOU to take HER out to lunch. She dumps her and wants YOU to pay?! Listen, I think you're going to be really hurt seeing her. Go get your stuff and tell her lunch is off. Being a pushover will make her want you less. As she says she wants to see other guys and doesn't know of her future. Well let her do it and when she sees the slim pickings out there and reallizes you're not around to take her to lunch and maybe are meeting new women, she'll come crying for you back
Silver_star Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Tell her to bring her own wallet. You are not obligated to "take her out to lunch". Even a gentleman knows he doesnt have to pay everytime he goes out with someone who recently kicked him in the balls. Dont let her have your attention. She wants to date around and she wants you to pine for her. Dont let her. I know you are going to do it anyways (go for lunch) but remember to keep it casual. If she really had feelings for you she wouldnt use you like this and leave you to pursue other men. Trust me on this.
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 she wants YOU to take HER out to lunch. She dumps her and wants YOU to pay?! This is the bit I had trouble with as well. Forget that s**t. She wants to date others ?? Yeah ?? Well let the others take her to lunch !! You're doing too well to be getting pulled into this type of meeting, it's going to set you back quite a bit. Don't do it. Take someone else to lunch !!!
Author Caleb Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Good advice you guys. Thanks a lot. I can't cancel the lunch now... it's in thirty minutes. But I will keep it casual, keep it real, be myself. No relationship talk.
nobmagnet Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 its noooooooooootttttttttttt cancel DO IT nobby x
sunrae Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I'm sure it's to late, But I think she should pay for HIS lunch... After all it is 2010 and she brought up the subject of them going to lunch, so SHE should pay.... But, Honestly I dont htink he should have gone... But we'll see.. Hopefully it went well.
Author Caleb Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Well things went kind of how I expected. We were just casual talking and then SHE brought up the relationship. Told me she didn't expect to be moving on so fast, but the connection between her and this guy is something she has never experienced. They're going on some dates next weekend, she don't know what will come of it, but hopes that it will work out, obviously. Of course me, I hope it doesn't. I still don't want to loose her. It sucks.
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 She wants you to take her to lunch and then she tells you she is seeing some other guy..how do you feel about that? I would feel like crap. Don't even bother with her any more. Do not respond to anything she says anymore. She asks you to hang out only to make herself feel better. What about you? You should also be moving on as well. I would of canceled and said you had something to do. But let her figure out what she wants, even if you want her back. She left you, you should not want her back anyway.
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Caleb mate, do you feel any better for having gone ?? If not then keep that feeling in mind, because it sounds like she may well ask for your company again in the future. I do think she is only offering crumbs though. And it sounds a little like she's rubbing your face in it as well...
nobmagnet Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 ewwwwwwwwwww WTF???? thats a pretty rotten thing to do. Oh my. its sooooooo wrong on soooo many levels, see your shoe? look down........yes that one.....lift it back aim.......fire!!!!!!!!!1 no more my love. Nobby xxxxxxxxxx hugs
HLP234 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Just remember for next time, say you are busy. Don't even give in to anything she says. Before you know it if you keep this up, she is talking to you about this guy she is dating and inside it will just tear you up more.
McGrupp Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 aksed for the closure dinner back in september with my ex. pretty much begged and cried and stuff. was not pretty. best part: restaurant has a seasonal menu. she knew what to order. we hadnt been there in months. so i say how do you know whats on the menu? she says, "i went here with a co-worker the other day. hes 40 and has 2 kids. its not like that though" btw the other day was her bday. and then i paid for dinner. : \ awesome.
Author Caleb Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Yeah... you guys better believe I will not be making the same mistake again. Next time she text or calls.... it will be taking a few days to get back to her. And as far as going out with her anywhere... if that ever happens... it will only be to try and work things out. Nothing casual anymore. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of the pain.
ella23 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 she wants YOU to take HER out to lunch. She dumps her and wants YOU to pay?! Listen, I think you're going to be really hurt seeing her. Go get your stuff and tell her lunch is off. Being a pushover will make her want you less. As she says she wants to see other guys and doesn't know of her future. Well let her do it and when she sees the slim pickings out there and reallizes you're not around to take her to lunch and maybe are meeting new women, she'll come crying for you back I agree with this. I think she is just playing you along, and wants you to wait just in case her other options don't work out. What happened to the other date you were going to? Forget about your ex and meet other girls.
nobmagnet Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I am going to nominate her for sh*t of the month What a horrible painful experiance for you. I am open mouthed and amazed how she could be soooooooo cruel. Please kick her out of your head. Why would you want to be with someone who could be so insesitive???? hugs Nobby x
Author Caleb Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 I agree with this. I think she is just playing you along, and wants you to wait just in case her other options don't work out. What happened to the other date you were going to? Forget about your ex and meet other girls. The date went pretty good actually. We went out to dinner, I paid. We went to see a movie, I paid. Haha we went to see "It's complicated." Oh the irony. And at the end of the night on the way back to my car she was cold, I gave her my jacket like I would have anyone. And the simplest words fell out of her mouth that I haven't heard in years, "Aw, thank you." We hugged goodnight. And for those five hours I spent with her, I don't think I thought of my ex once. The pain is still there though. But I know there is nothing I can do. She has to go out there and see what she wants. Haha but as far as the date goes, we set another time to meet up again. My heart isn't open for another relationship, but I am trying to slowly move on, even though I would still love to work things out with my ex. But slow progress! Haha! Nobmagnet- she has my vote for **** of the month too! Haha oh man that just cracked me up.
HLP234 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Don't worry about a relationship right now. You don't even have to think of them as dates if it helps you move on better. Just focus on this girl now but don't give in too much. Be yourself and use what you learned from this experience and you will be fine. I haven't had any dates and I think it would help but again like you I am not ready for that yet. Hanging out with friends has been working out fine for me/drinking lol.
Author Caleb Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Haha yeah... I'm going out tonight to do a little drinking. Our college basketball is on... we playing Duke. So I'm going to get my first party after the breakup under my belt!
ella23 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 The date went pretty good actually. We went out to dinner, I paid. We went to see a movie, I paid. Haha we went to see "It's complicated." Oh the irony. And at the end of the night on the way back to my car she was cold, I gave her my jacket like I would have anyone. And the simplest words fell out of her mouth that I haven't heard in years, "Aw, thank you." We hugged goodnight. And for those five hours I spent with her, I don't think I thought of my ex once. The pain is still there though. But I know there is nothing I can do. She has to go out there and see what she wants. Haha but as far as the date goes, we set another time to meet up again. My heart isn't open for another relationship, but I am trying to slowly move on, even though I would still love to work things out with my ex. But slow progress! Haha! Nobmagnet- she has my vote for **** of the month too! Haha oh man that just cracked me up. Your ex has been listed in the **** of the month thread. Did you see it? You might not want to be in a relationship again, but there's nothing wrong with going out and enjoying yourself, especially if you like the girl. You might want a relationship later on or you might not. Either way, at least she took your mind off your ex. It's good to see you moving on, you deserve to be happy, not treated crap, remember that.
Author Caleb Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Haha wait what? **** of the month thread? Is this serious or you kidding?
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