alg24 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Hi- If you read my other posts you will think I am drama/in this crazy relationship with a MM. I am 21 he is 38. I have been done with it. We have been civil- haven't started NC yet. Yesterday the W (heading for divorce) contacted me. We have had contact before, and civil/nice towards each other. At this point she doesn't care and just wants to move forward. Anyway, we spoke then exchanged text messages. She has been letting him stay in her guest room, but needs him gone by the end of the month. Before he was living with me. She told me when she breaks the news to him she will give me the heads up. Anyway, I am home and about to head to dinner with a friend. I left my cell phone in my bedroom on the charger. I get home and my cell phone is missing... I call it from the house and don't hear it... A minute later my house phone rings- its him freaking out at me. He can't believe so many text messages blah blah blah. I panic, I actually go to the Ws house (I asked a friend where they lived and they told me the street they thought) I knock on her door, she was surprised but let me in and we spoke. She called him he denied and denied. After he came over, saw me at the house, he left and I left a little later. I go to his work (at a farm) his truck is open and his wallet is in it. I grab the wallet and since I know the pin I went to ATM and took money. Not the smartest move... This morning he called me freaking about wallet... I guess his W got notice that the account was overdraft a little. (not the smartest move on my end) He came to the place I am at nearby, freaking out at the owners (I had left- he saw me on the road) I saw his boss and said I do not want problems and explained a little. I then decided to take the wallet back to his farm-- left it in a jacket, could not find my keys, and took some of my stuff back.. He owed me money so I took that all well-- sorry, maybe stupid. He left me a voicemail--- your phone is back on. Big problems for you and your friend last night.. I saw you, my friend saw you... My W saw the $400 taken out of my account (Its his account, but I guess she gets emails) Big problems blah blah. He then texted me my fathers number, and told me in 3hrs he will call him. (That freaks me out but I can't control it) He has kept calling and calling my friend. Its just a mess.. Funny thing was yesterday after speaking to the W I was like its time to start NC with him. He makes me ill and I am so upset. I guess he called and called yesterday to find a place to sleep, then came over-- used the key given to him a long time ago? Then found I was not there but my phone was. Looked at my phone and all the messages to W... I am truly done this time. He has been texting me big problems, he is calling police. I told him to look in puma jacket-- just wrote puma jacket (thats where I put wallet) And its over and done. Lets stop this drama and move on. Pretend we don't know each other and its done. I just hate this... Part of me still has feelings for him.. Then I question was I crazy, both, or just him. I just don't understand why we couldn't be normal and make things work out. It hurts so bad. He told me on the phone last night I am so fat, disgusting for sex, (Everything he knew I was insecure about he went after) How do these things calm over? This is the first "Relationship" I have been in. Now that he has the wallet will he leave me alone?
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Wow, I can tell you, this is NOT LOVE at all. It's crazy dramatic screwed up, unhealthy behaviour by everyone in this situation. The best thing you can do now is get help, move on and never EVER contact him or his wife again. And, if they try to contact you, ignore them both. You are 21 years old and have so much life to live. Oh, one more thing - Don't say "I think", say I KNOW.
torranceshipman Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Wow, the man truly is a disgusting pig. Ignore the hurtful things he said - coming from slime like him it means nothing. Get a new phone number and change your locks immediately, and cut off all contact.
fooled once Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Hi- If you read my other posts you will think I am drama/in this crazy relationship with a MM. I am 21 he is 38. I have been done with it. We have been civil- haven't started NC yet. Yesterday the W (heading for divorce) contacted me. We have had contact before, and civil/nice towards each other. At this point she doesn't care and just wants to move forward. Anyway, we spoke then exchanged text messages. She has been letting him stay in her guest room, but needs him gone by the end of the month. Before he was living with me. She told me when she breaks the news to him she will give me the heads up. Anyway, I am home and about to head to dinner with a friend. I left my cell phone in my bedroom on the charger. I get home and my cell phone is missing... I call it from the house and don't hear it... A minute later my house phone rings- its him freaking out at me. He can't believe so many text messages blah blah blah. I panic, I actually go to the Ws house (I asked a friend where they lived and they told me the street they thought) I knock on her door, she was surprised but let me in and we spoke. She called him he denied and denied. After he came over, saw me at the house, he left and I left a little later. I go to his work (at a farm) his truck is open and his wallet is in it. I grab the wallet and since I know the pin I went to ATM and took money. Not the smartest move... This morning he called me freaking about wallet... I guess his W got notice that the account was overdraft a little. (not the smartest move on my end) He came to the place I am at nearby, freaking out at the owners (I had left- he saw me on the road) I saw his boss and said I do not want problems and explained a little. I then decided to take the wallet back to his farm-- left it in a jacket, could not find my keys, and took some of my stuff back.. He owed me money so I took that all well-- sorry, maybe stupid. He left me a voicemail--- your phone is back on. Big problems for you and your friend last night.. I saw you, my friend saw you... My W saw the $400 taken out of my account (Its his account, but I guess she gets emails) Big problems blah blah. He then texted me my fathers number, and told me in 3hrs he will call him. (That freaks me out but I can't control it) He has kept calling and calling my friend. Its just a mess.. Funny thing was yesterday after speaking to the W I was like its time to start NC with him. He makes me ill and I am so upset. I guess he called and called yesterday to find a place to sleep, then came over-- used the key given to him a long time ago? Then found I was not there but my phone was. Looked at my phone and all the messages to W... I am truly done this time. He has been texting me big problems, he is calling police. I told him to look in puma jacket-- just wrote puma jacket (thats where I put wallet) And its over and done. Lets stop this drama and move on. Pretend we don't know each other and its done. I just hate this... Part of me still has feelings for him.. Then I question was I crazy, both, or just him. I just don't understand why we couldn't be normal and make things work out. It hurts so bad. He told me on the phone last night I am so fat, disgusting for sex, (Everything he knew I was insecure about he went after) How do these things calm over? This is the first "Relationship" I have been in. Now that he has the wallet will he leave me alone? You better watch out because what you did (stealing money) is a federal crime. Quite honestly, if I was him, I would call the police and have you arrested. You aren't done. You keep saying you are done, but you aren't done. You thrive on the drama. This is not a relationship - it has never been a relationship. People aren't abusive (both of you) in a healthy relationship. This is your first experience --- and quite frankly, the further you can get away from this the better. You and he aren't going to work out, you and he aren't going to be in love and live happily ever after. You are 21 years old. You honestly don't even know yourself. All you know is for some reason, you thrive on the drama of all this. You are playing games with him and you just may have crossed a line you can't jump back over. You need to repay the money you STOLE - yes, you STOLE it. You had no right. You chose to not get your key back from him. Doesn't give him a right to enter your home, but you - YOU - are choosing to stay in all this. IF you really - REALLY - want to be done, you will: Change your locks. Change your phone number. Not answer the door if he shows up. Stop playing this petty game of "he has my coat" or "he has my shirt" or whatever excuse you can come up with to get him to see you. Seriously - you need some counseling. You really do. Leave his wife alone. Quit contacting her, quit texting with her. She must be thrilled to be done with him and you. Focus on figuring out why you won't let go, why you stole money from him, why you thrive on the drama. I am not kidding, you really need some counseling. I do wish you luck. You have a lot of growing up to do before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone. I hope you take some time to examine yourself and your behavior. I think you will find that it is quite childish and embarassing. Start over and let him go once and for all.
Author alg24 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 You are right... I returned the wallet with money--- left it for him to find, he keeps calling me and threatening me(I don't think he found it yet)Everything he had of mine is back in my possession, and his stuff was given back awhile ago. I truly don't enjoy this.. As I said he and I have had minimal contact.. I haven't start NC because it was easier to deal with him a little than put up a fight of leave me alone. Yesterday and the day before we did not speak. I have come to the point where it hurts without him (I miss his face, his smell, etc.) but I am tired of the pain. When its so good its amazing, but when its awful its deadly. Thats why I have been quiet, etc. Yesterday I left my phone in MY house because in a million years I never thought he would come in. I asked him about two weeks ago if he still had the key to my house-- he said he lost in awhile ago. (He rarely used it) and I left it at that. Stupid me. I never thought he would use it and come into my house... Looking at my phone this AM it looked like he called a couple times then I guess came over... Either looking for a place to crash for the night or looking for answers... Doesn't matter. The locksmith is coming now... After that I am heading to verizon. I can't change my house line yet, my dad controls that and he is not around at the moment, but I can disconnect it so I don't hear it. I am pathetic. I can't believe what I have done, what I have allowed... Its so out of control. I am so out of control. I truly have never behaved in such a way. I am disgusted with myself.
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Stop..and breathe.. I am pathetic. I can't believe what I have done, what I have allowed... Its so out of control. I am so out of control. I truly have never behaved in such a way. I am disgusted with myself. As of RIGHT NOW you have a choice. 1)Just do NC (I think it'll be ALOT easier for you than you realize, you just have to WANT to do the NC) and tell yourself it is over..NEVER again will you see/talk to him. Begin your grieving, so you can heal and let go. 2)Continue playing a game with him, you will continue to get hurt and feel uneasy, and messed up. The choice is yours. You are old enough to take control and know what's right and what's wrong. If you are so disguisted with yourself, your choices and behaviour, RIGHT NOW - Just STOP that particular behaviour. If you cannot cope, or handle this on your own, seek counselling. The choice IS yours. Think about it before you doubt yourself, or before you break NC. What do YOU want out of life?
fooled once Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 You are right... I returned the wallet with money--- left it for him to find, he keeps calling me and threatening me(I don't think he found it yet)Everything he had of mine is back in my possession, and his stuff was given back awhile ago. I truly don't enjoy this.. As I said he and I have had minimal contact.. I haven't start NC because it was easier to deal with him a little than put up a fight of leave me alone. Yesterday and the day before we did not speak. I have come to the point where it hurts without him (I miss his face, his smell, etc.) but I am tired of the pain. When its so good its amazing, but when its awful its deadly. Thats why I have been quiet, etc. Yesterday I left my phone in MY house because in a million years I never thought he would come in. I asked him about two weeks ago if he still had the key to my house-- he said he lost in awhile ago. (He rarely used it) and I left it at that. Stupid me. I never thought he would use it and come into my house... Looking at my phone this AM it looked like he called a couple times then I guess came over... Either looking for a place to crash for the night or looking for answers... Doesn't matter. The locksmith is coming now... After that I am heading to verizon. I can't change my house line yet, my dad controls that and he is not around at the moment, but I can disconnect it so I don't hear it. I am pathetic. I can't believe what I have done, what I have allowed... Its so out of control. I am so out of control. I truly have never behaved in such a way. I am disgusted with myself. Sweetie, you go through this every few weeks. You say it is done, but you go right back into it. You say you want more for yourself, but you let yourself be dragged back into it time and time again. I won't believe it is REALLY over until you go NC and STAY NC for at least - at least 4 weeks. You DO have the power -- you really do. It is quite easy - you tell yourself NO MORE. He has hurt you - physically and emotionally. He calls you names. Yet you continue to try to get him to love you. He doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't hurt you or call you names. that isn't love -- that is obsession and obsession isn't healthy. Please want more for yourself. There is so much more to life than this back and forth game you two play. One day, when you are treated with the class and dignity you DESERVE, you will look back and be ashamed that you allowed yourself to be treated so horribly. You will be astounded by the difference between LOVE and obsession. Obsession is not healthy. Please get some counseling -- call first thing Monday. Please.
Author alg24 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 I have not replied to anything he has sent. A very close/older friend of mine called him and told him to please leave me alone. its not healthy and it needs to be over and done for both. Please don't call me etc. He called her after work and at first thought she was someone else... He started saying please please help me... Then realized it was a different person and he changed his tone a little. She said he wasn't rude but bullying. He played off he was a hard working family man, his wife and him were going to the bank tomorrow (played the happily married card), and blah blah. Conversation didn't last long because then he said I need to go my wife is coming, good-bye. Also mentioned I might be pregnant?? WTF?? I gave him back the wallet, and almost all the money (he owed me for a few things...Stupid perhaps) He sent me a text saying at 22:22hr you took money out of my account. You owe me $400 dollars. You have one day. I called the local branch and they said it is impossible to show the clients a camera of the drive through-- don't offer that. If he said to me you owe me $100 dollars I would have put it in an envelope and had my friend deal with it, but $400.. No way... When I gave the wallet back I put the cash in... What do i do? I won't response. I want to start/keep NC. I have no desire to speak to him or deal with him. Leave me alone and I will leave you alone. I know I committed a crime. I took the wallet without thinking, and thought well you took/threw out my expensive phone I will take your wallet. Stupid and immature not to mention a crime. But now he is claiming he has gotten no money back. Not to mention he does not have proof it was me. Could have been someone else, or even him. I truly am trying to put this drama to an end, move forward, and start the healing.
Recommended Posts