anne1707 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i dont think she considers losing her husband as a loss Unfortunately due to the lack of posts about her H, I think you are right. MBEG - there really does seem to be no real love for your H so do the honourable thing and get a divorce so that he can get on with his life. As for the ex-MM - he does not want a life with you yet you continue to maintain contact. You allow this. You are responsible for this just as much as him. If you really want to move on with your life, you have to go no contact - absolute 100% no contact. But it seems to me that you are still in the affair (even if the ex-MM isn't)
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 An obsession? Sounds to me like MBEG just might still be in love with her MM. Those emotions don't go away just because there is a Dday. She has been very hurt, however, when he threw her under the bus. I believe MBEG is going to counseling already. She is doing the best she can from where she is at. She isn't doing much to prevent the feelings from continuing. She is hellbent on hanging on and focussing on the exMM. I don't believe she's inlove with him, if she is, then she is in denial about it. Her thinking process and the way she's handling this is not working, maybe she needs to print out these threads and let her therapist read them. Something isn't working in counselling.
Samantha0905 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i dont think she considers losing her husband as a loss I don't think anyone can 100% make this judgment. Even if MBEG is not in love with her husband any longer, there is still a loss incurred when a marriage breaks apart. IC may help MBEG to understand why she is so focused on this other man even though he is not making any commitment to her. I like the idea of printing out the threads and taking them to a counselor.
Passion4Life Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I don't think anyone can 100% make this judgment. Even if MBEG is not in love with her husband any longer, there is still a loss incurred when a marriage breaks apart. IC may help MBEG to understand why she is so focused on this other man even though he is not making any commitment to her. I like the idea of printing out the threads and taking them to a counselor. i think u r right
NowhereToHide Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 MBEG and I started on these boards around the same time. We both had similar stories. We were both incredibly in love and addicted to our MMs. I look now at the difference of where we both are at. I have moved on from my xAP, we are NC, and I am over him. Now, that's not to say that my marriage isn't in jeopardy... it is. I guess the differences with us is that 1) she sees her xAP everyday, I don't and 2) she had a D-Day, I didn't. MBEG.... you really do need to spend some time alone figuring out yourself. Remember how we used to talk about how we were addicted to our APs? How hard the rejection was for us to handle? I think you are still addicted to him. You are fixated on him and getting some kind of resolution to this situation that really doesn't have one. I agree with the other posters. It's time to let your husband go. Go NC with your xMM. And as scary as it sounds, spend some time by yourself. Go to therapy. Work on yourself. Focus on your kids. Rebuild your life. And move on in a way that makes you feel healthy and proud. I have faith in you my friend. You can get past this.
Passion4Life Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 MBEG and I started on these boards around the same time. We both had similar stories. We were both incredibly in love and addicted to our MMs. I look now at the difference of where we both are at. I have moved on from my xAP, we are NC, and I am over him. Now, that's not to say that my marriage isn't in jeopardy... it is. I guess the differences with us is that 1) she sees her xAP everyday, I don't and 2) she had a D-Day, I didn't. MBEG.... you really do need to spend some time alone figuring out yourself. Remember how we used to talk about how we were addicted to our APs? How hard the rejection was for us to handle? I think you are still addicted to him. You are fixated on him and getting some kind of resolution to this situation that really doesn't have one. I agree with the other posters. It's time to let your husband go. Go NC with your xMM. And as scary as it sounds, spend some time by yourself. Go to therapy. Work on yourself. Focus on your kids. Rebuild your life. And move on in a way that makes you feel healthy and proud. I have faith in you my friend. You can get past this. if she sees her xAP everyday how come he is an ex then ?
White Flower Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i think what he has done to her is nothing compared to what she did to her husband . with him what she had was just an affair , but with her husband it was trust . It is so easy to say that. She had two men, two Rs in which to develop trust. You are placing value of one over the other because you believe in one over the other. She sees them more like equals, apart from their differences, and relied on trust from both.
NowhereToHide Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 if she sees her xAP everyday how come he is an ex then ? They work together.
jwi71 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 It is so easy to say that. She had two men, two Rs in which to develop trust. That's true enough. You are placing value of one over the other because you believe in one over the other. She sees them more like equals, apart from their differences, and relied on trust from both. This isn't. I think we can say her MM ranks LOWER than the stbxh because of his ACTIONS. Lets compare: H: fought, struggled and tried to save his family (ie BEG) MM: threw her under the bus so fast it left her head spinning. Who is "better" given those reactions?
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 MBEG... I am so sorry that you are still hurting so much, my friend ((hugs to you from me))
Angel1111 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 If xMM and I had a d-day and he threw me under the bus, he would only get the privlege of having one more conversation with me and that would consist of me chewing his a** out. I'm sorry this happened to you and I know it hurts but he has proven to you what he's capable of and of how he will turn against you. You shouldn't give him any more chances after that. It's the showstopper. 1
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