dlzjmpr Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I started a relationship too early after my previous one. After three-ish months I've realized that this was too early. However, I really care about her, so I feel extremely bad for even thinking about dumping her. I know that it's the right thing to do though. I'm not necessarily looking for advice -I think I know what I'm doing- but I just need some encouragement, I guess. Quite nervous about this, that's all.
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You'll be doing both her and you a favor by not dragging the relationship any further. Just be honest with her.
Ronni_W Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I started a relationship too early after my previous one. After three-ish months I've realized that this was too early. However, I really care about her Is it that she's placing too many and/or too high expectations on you at this point? Or that you're stressing yourself out because you're not taking the time away from this new relationship that you need to sort out the crap from the previous one? If the former, yeah...you gotta dump her. She's not being good for you. If the latter...well, it's up to you to express what you need in terms of time and space apart; and to do your grieving and healing work on your own. It can be done. (You will need her understanding and support, though.) More importantly, you need to know what you need from yourself, and you need to set boundaries around that.
Author dlzjmpr Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Is it that she's placing too many and/or too high expectations on you at this point? Or that you're stressing yourself out because you're not taking the time away from this new relationship that you need to sort out the crap from the previous one? If the former, yeah...you gotta dump her. She's not being good for you. If the latter...well, it's up to you to express what you need in terms of time and space apart; and to do your grieving and healing work on your own. It can be done. (You will need her understanding and support, though.) More importantly, you need to know what you need from yourself, and you need to set boundaries around that. Not the former. I thought that the relationship was a good idea and that it was time to move on. I've had doubts along the way though and I'm 99% sure that I need to end this now. I need time to be on my own and figure out what I want in life on my own. I feel bad for ending it, because she's a great person, but I also know that it will only be harder if I wait. In the short-term we'll both feel bad, but this is the best thing to do in the long-term, in my opinion.
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 How long had you been broken up with the ex? How long were you NC?
Author dlzjmpr Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 How long had you been broken up with the ex? How long were you NC? Three months. NC around the same. Well still mostly NC, but talk on msn every now and then. Not very often though. We had been together for two years.
dyzfunctioned Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I was recently dumped for similar reasons... It hurts and all you can think about is trying to make it work, giving the other person space, etc. Do I think it's the right call? Probably, but that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with. Best you can do is be honest I think.
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Well if you say NC then that means NC what so ever. Talking to her on MSN is breaking NC. Which is why you are having a harder time getting over it. You should have let her go completely and moved on in your mind. If you kept contact with her, feelings come back and confuse you. Which is the situation you are in now. I would be honest with you current gf and tell her about the situation with your ex and how you are not over it. Once you break up with her, don't be available to her because she will hurt and need to heal on her own as you will too. You will need to do NC with both ex's now and just take that time to figure out what you want. Your gf should not get upset at you if you are honest and she sees that you are not jumping in another relationship with someone else.
Author dlzjmpr Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 I had doubts far before breaking NC. The msn talking has been fairly meaningless anyway. I feel that I've gotten over that, but I just don't feel ready for another relationship yet. Hope that makes sense.
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You have to be honest with current girl. It's only fair, it may hurt, but would hurt her more if you drag it out unneccasarily. Who's to say you and current girl won't be back together in the future. If you ain't ready for it, then let it go. For both your sakes.
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 And if it was pointless conversations then what was the point of it? Apparently to you they were pointless but Im sure she felt better because you were there to talk to her. I would keep away from that ex and really think about what you want to do. Don't wait too long if you are not sure what to do, because your current gf will be blindsided and then she may get upset for your actions.
Author dlzjmpr Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Ok maybe pointless was the wrong word. It was nothing more than friendly chat.
Recommended Posts