dyzfunctioned Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Maybe this isn't worthy of a new thread as everyone knows the basics of getting over someone... time, keep occupied, etc. and all that. The thing is, I was with a girl for about 3 months (I know, not that long) and while I in no way feel like she was "the one" or anything, she's the first person I've ever been with that I was actually happy with. The thing that makes it worse is that I'm the type of guy who doesn't want the single life, I want to be with someone I care about, and have always had difficulties meeting people I was interested in. Then she came along, and I was happier than I've ever been. Now I need to get over her and all that but here's maybe my biggest problem.. Despite how happy I was with her, she does have some issues. Not going to take the time to go into them, but they are something that I was one of the only people she trusted to tell and therefore am pretty much the only person she can talk to. I get that it could be torturing myself, but I feel that I need to be her friend and be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. So basically long story short... She needs someone to be there as her friend, and I'm really the only one who can, so how do I get over wanting to be with the only person I've ever been happy with, and furthermore, do it somewhat quickly?
broncosfrk83 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 If she broke up with u then...u need just to drop her. She made her choice. Leave her alone and if she truly needs u then she will be back, but u gotta be gone for her to realize this
bananaboat11 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Let her miss you, first of all. Don't be clingy. Women don't want to be with a guy who is co-dependent. Guys don't want a woman who is co-dependent... unless she's AWESOME in bed... let's face it. We're guys... we're shallow pigs at times. It sucks, but it's true. Work on yourself first. If you can't go to bed alone with a smile on your face and your dick in your pants... alone... how can you expect to get someone to join you? Be confident... be true to yourself... and be happy with yourself first. Don't RELY on someone else for comfort. Seek and find it within. bon chance
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 She needs someone to be there as her friend, and I'm really the only one who can, so how do I get over wanting to be with the only person I've ever been happy with, and furthermore, do it somewhat quickly? Step 1: Get fitted for a pair of running shoes. Step 2: Buy those running shoes. Step 3: Start running... Step 4: Don't stop running... 3 months really isn't a long time...and luckily you haven't gotten too attached to her emotionally...but DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT stick around to be her friend...even if you're over the breakup, there's no reason to be there for her... I know this sounds terrible and I know you're probably a good person that wants to help people in need, but you need to look out for yourself and not develop weak character traits... You obviously still have romantic feelings for this girl, and if she wants a friendship while you still want a relationship, it is not fair that she can have what she wants while you're stuck with being her friend. You will be happy again.
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Work on yourself first. If you can't go to bed alone with a smile on your face and your dick in your pants... alone... how can you expect to get someone to join you? Be confident... be true to yourself... and be happy with yourself first. Don't RELY on someone else for comfort. Seek and find it within. Yep. You need to be able to be completely happy living the single life...don't force a relationship just because you enjoy the companionship...it will lead to a lot of crappy relationships... We tend to overvalue our first relationships because they are our first experiences of love and companionship...so of course we'll feel "happier" than we ever had been in our lives...and when we lose that after breakup, we feel like we can't be "happy" again... It'll happen again. Be patient and enjoy the life you've been given.
broncosfrk83 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Step 1: Get fitted for a pair of running shoes. Step 2: Buy those running shoes. Step 3: Start running... Step 4: Don't stop running... I would go with this advice
Author dyzfunctioned Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) Step 1: Get fitted for a pair of running shoes. Step 2: Buy those running shoes. Step 3: Start running... Step 4: Don't stop running... 3 months really isn't a long time...and luckily you haven't gotten too attached to her emotionally...but DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT stick around to be her friend...even if you're over the breakup, there's no reason to be there for her... I know this sounds terrible and I know you're probably a good person that wants to help people in need, but you need to look out for yourself and not develop weak character traits... You obviously still have romantic feelings for this girl, and if she wants a friendship while you still want a relationship, it is not fair that she can have what she wants while you're stuck with being her friend. You will be happy again. I intend to follow the running advice. The thing is, yea, she broke up with me, but I fully supported her reasons (which I'm not going to go into). And some of the reasons why she broke up with me are some of the reasons why I need to still be around as her friend. I'm not trying to get back with her by any means, as I know this is for the best, I just need to get over her so I can be just friends and stop wanting to be with her as more than that. To add further clarification... neither of us wanted to break up and we both wanted to be more than friends, breaking up was just something we had to do. Maybe I should add this to the main post. I know this isn't making my life any easier, and that this isn't the best way to deal with things, but I need to be there at least somewhat for her, hope you guys can understand. Also, just to clarify. this isn't my first relationship or anything, it's just the first one I've been happy in. thanks for all the kind words and advice. Edited January 22, 2010 by dyzfunctioned
Author dyzfunctioned Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 So I've been up and down constantly since this happened. Was pretty devastated when it first happened, then surprisingly was pretty okay that night although I couldn't sleep much. Next day I was feeling alright, just really empty and then later that day I broke down worse than I had since it happened but then felt pretty good later that night. Now I'm feeling alright, not great, but alright, although I can't stop thinking about her. I had a talk with her as friends and it went okay although it obviously wasn't the same, but it didn't make me feel sad or anything and I feel pretty much the same now as I did before the talk. Just taking it day by day I guess.
HLP234 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 If she left you and you still have feelings you don't need to stick around for a friend. Even tell her that you still have feelings if you think she will get upset if you can't be there for her. She should understand that. Don't worry about other people right now, once you do that, you tend to go from one person to the next and later that will bite you in the butt because you will never find what you want that way. Keeping yourself busy gets your mind off of her but doesn't get you over her. Time will get rid of that in conjunction with doing other things.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 So since we broke up I've been doing significantly better every day... hit my first snag today. Was looking at new places to live and ended up getting a place, I was really excited about it at first. And then after the excitement faded a little, I started hurting and realized all I really wanted was for her to see the new place and share the feeling with me. Life goes onn.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 So I just found out a lot and rediscovered rock bottom... turns out I'm basically just a rebound and it didn't mean anything. she's getting back with her ex. on top of that i now have several guys looking to kick my ass.
crazy4you Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Forget about her and whatever guys are trying to kick your ass. You just bought a new place, you're living your life without her. Move on and don't look back. I'm guessing if these guys want to kick your ass it's because you're still in contact with her. Cut that out and you'll be good. As for being a rebound.. it depends.. you said you were with her for 3 months. Although that isn't a long time, it's still just about 90 some days. That's a long time to be exclusively with someone. Whether you were a rebound or not, she stayed with you for 3 months, so there had to have been something there. Don't hurt yourself over the fact that she's back with an ex. I'm guessing this ex is the rebound. I'm guessing she would've gone out with just about anyone else just to rebound with them. You can't be her friend though. 3 months may be enough time to have some feelings for someone, but it's also a short enough amount of time to have those feelings removed quickly. I would stop contacting her if I were you.
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 So I just found out a lot and rediscovered rock bottom... turns out I'm basically just a rebound and it didn't mean anything. she's getting back with her ex. on top of that i now have several guys looking to kick my ass. Bananaboat (Rob) will surely have a response to this...he just lived pretty much that situation...
Author dyzfunctioned Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) Forget about her and whatever guys are trying to kick your ass. You just bought a new place, you're living your life without her. Move on and don't look back. I'm guessing if these guys want to kick your ass it's because you're still in contact with her. Cut that out and you'll be good. As for being a rebound.. it depends.. you said you were with her for 3 months. Although that isn't a long time, it's still just about 90 some days. That's a long time to be exclusively with someone. Whether you were a rebound or not, she stayed with you for 3 months, so there had to have been something there. Don't hurt yourself over the fact that she's back with an ex. I'm guessing this ex is the rebound. I'm guessing she would've gone out with just about anyone else just to rebound with them. You can't be her friend though. 3 months may be enough time to have some feelings for someone, but it's also a short enough amount of time to have those feelings removed quickly. I would stop contacting her if I were you. Her ex is literally psycho... doesn't matter what I do he'll try to fight me. Although all of this was really devastating for me, it's finally enough for me giving up on trying to be friends. But even then... why am I not mad at her after all this? Edited January 26, 2010 by dyzfunctioned
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