Cougars......Cubs Prowl too

[coconutcupcake]

I'm using the "Cougar" term to attract attention to this thread, but I don't have much affection for the term.

 

I am interested in talking with other women who are quite a bit older than their man. We are both married, and our affair is into the 8th year. I am 58. He is 40. Physically, I am an Eurasian woman who is blessed with great genes and a youthful spirit. Still, the 18 years is a big number.

 

This started out as a casual attraction. He pursued, he felt guilt, withdrew and over the years we have fallen in love. Ups and downs, but very strong connection with an incredible bond and sexual chemistry.

 

I'm thrilled he turned 40 as the 30s sounded sooo young. The flip side, of course, is I'll hit 60, and good genes or not - I'll be old. The film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, brought a painful realization to me that there may be "perfect moment" of this relationship - but that it is "brief." My younger man dismisses that thought. He is definitely a person who "lives in the moment."

 

He has no problem at all with my age. He has always been attracted to women who are older.

 

Anyway, Mature Ladies, Youner Men...Your thoughts on these May/December romances?

[GAchasen]

I'm using the "Cougar" term to attract attention to this thread, but I don't have much affection for the term.

 

I am interested in talking with other women who are quite a bit older than their man. We are both married, and our affair is into the 8th year. I am 58. He is 40. Physically, I am an Eurasian woman who is blessed with great genes and a youthful spirit. Still, the 18 years is a big number.

 

This started out as a casual attraction. He pursued, he felt guilt, withdrew and over the years we have fallen in love. Ups and downs, but very strong connection with an incredible bond and sexual chemistry.

 

I'm thrilled he turned 40 as the 30s sounded sooo young. The flip side, of course, is I'll hit 60, and good genes or not - I'll be old. The film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, brought a painful realization to me that there may be "perfect moment" of this relationship - but that it is "brief." My younger man dismisses that thought. He is definitely a person who "lives in the moment."

 

He has no problem at all with my age. He has always been attracted to women who are older.

 

Anyway, Mature Ladies, Youner Men...Your thoughts on these May/December romances?

 

Yeah, get a divorce and marry each other!

[meerkat stew]

Anyway, Mature Ladies, Youner Men...Your thoughts on these May/December romances?

 

You're going to find that most posters here will concentrate on the "affair" part, rather than the May/December romance part, and rightly so. The probability of this ending unhappily is multiplied because there are four parties involved, not just two, several possible bad outcomes, and without more detail added, it would seem a bad idea to continue with your younger man.

[dazzle22]

You're going to find that most posters here will concentrate on the "affair" part, rather than the May/December romance part, and rightly so. The probability of this ending unhappily is multiplied because there are four parties involved, not just two, several possible bad outcomes, and without more detail added, it would seem a bad idea to continue with your younger man.

 

 

Agree totally. I am married to a man 12 yrs younger and it is great. But what is with the 8 YEAR affair here? If you really love each other, and have any respect for your spouses, divorce and be together. What do his wife and your husband know of all this? My bet is, if you would do that, he would not come through for you....

[Lizzie60]

Hum... this is tough... it's not a regular relationship...

 

My last ex was 12 years younger.. we lived 5 years together.. it was amazing.. we probably would be together still .. if I had not leave.

 

I am now in an A with a much younger man (31 years younger)... I'm 57, he's 26. It's been 5 years now.. and he always say he will always love me.. even when I use a walker.. but I'm realistic... he's full of crap.. .

 

In your case.. I say.. go with the flow.. if you're quite comfortable with your H.. don't leave.. because chances are that it won't last with your younger guy if you move together... but I could be wrong..

 

I personally don't beleive in long term when the age gap is too big.. (+15 years)

[coconutcupcake]

Yeah, get a divorce and marry each other!

 

 

I am sure you are correct - on both counts. Thanks for your input.

[coconutcupcake]

Agree totally. I am married to a man 12 yrs younger and it is great. But what is with the 8 YEAR affair here? If you really love each other, and have any respect for your spouses, divorce and be together. What do his wife and your husband know of all this? My bet is, if you would do that, he would not come through for you....

 

 

I've read a few of your posts, and I was curious if you would respond to mine. I am sincerely glad that you are happy in marriage to your younger man. All the best.

 

What's with the 8 yr EMR you ask. Marriage is not the answer. Divorce from my spouse - yes.

[dazzle22]

Hum... this is tough... it's not a regular relationship...

 

My last ex was 12 years younger.. we lived 5 years together.. it was amazing.. we probably would be together still .. if I had not leave.

 

I am now in an A with a much younger man (31 years younger)... I'm 57, he's 26. It's been 5 years now.. and he always say he will always love me.. even when I use a walker.. but I'm realistic... he's full of crap.. .

 

In your case.. I say.. go with the flow.. if you're quite comfortable with your H.. don't leave.. because chances are that it won't last with your younger guy if you move together... but I could be wrong..

 

I personally don't beleive in long term when the age gap is too big.. (+15 years)

 

 

My God, Lizzie, how do you pull that off? I thought I was doing pretty good snagging a man 12 years younger, but holy cow, 31 yr difference! Is that your real picture? Do you have a love potion, or fountain of youth??

[dazzle22]

I've read a few of your posts, and I was curious if you would respond to mine. I am sincerely glad that you are happy in marriage to your younger man. All the best.

 

What's with the 8 yr EMR you ask. Marriage is not the answer. Divorce from my spouse - yes.

 

 

Are you contemplating divorce? My husband is eurasian and is hotter than hot. Good genes no kidding!

[Lizzie60]

My God, Lizzie, how do you pull that off? I thought I was doing pretty good snagging a man 12 years younger, but holy cow, 31 yr difference! Is that your real picture? Do you have a love potion, or fountain of youth??

 

Well.. to be honest.. I don't know..

 

I've had that age difference (31 years) twice... once in Cancun.. (gosh.. I still daydream about this)... he was 23, I was 54...

 

I often had from 18 to 25 years difference..

 

My avatar is not my picture.. I have posted my pic before.. I have good genes I guess.. I don't smoke, or drink.. never go in the sun.. I take care of myself.. and I have to say that my boobs have something to do with it..

[dazzle22]

Well.. to be honest.. I don't know..

 

I've had that age difference (31 years) twice... once in Cancun.. (gosh.. I still daydream about this)... he was 23, I was 54...

 

I often had from 18 to 25 years difference..

 

My avatar is not my picture.. I have posted my pic before.. I have good genes I guess.. I don't smoke, or drink.. never go in the sun.. I take care of myself.. and I have to say that my boobs have something to do with it..

 

 

Have you ever thought of writing a book? Sounds absolutely fascinating. I'd snap it up in a second!

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm using the "Cougar" term to attract attention to this thread, but I don't have much affection for the term.

 

I am interested in talking with other women who are quite a bit older than their man. We are both married, and our affair is into the 8th year. I am 58. He is 40. Physically, I am an Eurasian woman who is blessed with great genes and a youthful spirit. Still, the 18 years is a big number.

 

This started out as a casual attraction. He pursued, he felt guilt, withdrew and over the years we have fallen in love. Ups and downs, but very strong connection with an incredible bond and sexual chemistry.

 

I'm thrilled he turned 40 as the 30s sounded sooo young. The flip side, of course, is I'll hit 60, and good genes or not - I'll be old.

 

As a man, I have to laugh at the men that go for the much younger women. Because when they do start looking like the woman's grandpa, and she is still a hot 40, do these men really think that their much younger women don't want to better deal them?

 

I'm 40 and I want someone my own age. I'll never consider dating anyone plus or minus about 4 or 5 years. I want someone I can grow old with. I can't grow old with someone born in a different decade with nothing in common.

[Lizzie60]

Have you ever thought of writing a book? Sounds absolutely fascinating. I'd snap it up in a second!

 

Funny that you say that... I've been told that many times.. even from real life friends... and most don't even know 1/10 of my real story...

[dazzle22]

As a man, I have to laugh at the men that go for the much younger women. Because when they do start looking like the woman's grandpa, and she is still a hot 40, do these men really think that their much younger women don't want to better deal them?

 

I'm 40 and I want someone my own age. I'll never consider dating anyone plus or minus about 4 or 5 years. I want someone I can grow old with. I can't grow old with someone born in a different decade with nothing in common.

 

 

Oh, never say never. Haha! I would have said the EXACT same thing, before I met my husband.. But we have a lot in common, look at the world the same way, same sense of humor. When I first started dating him, I thought, oh he's much too young to ever take seriously, but not so! I have decided, men really never grow up anyway, so may as well go for a younger looking one!! (Now don't anyone flame me, this is joking around..)

[brock25]

IMO age doesn't matter in a FWB / casual relationship. However I do think age matters in a LTR when the age difference is very large such as 20-25 yrs ago. The age difference may not be a problem right now. But it could eventually cause problems in the future.

[coconutcupcake]

Are you contemplating divorce? My husband is eurasian and is hotter than hot. Good genes no kidding!

 

Contemplating - yes. He was the love of my life until 10 years ago. He had an affair and made the mistake of telling me about it. So - now that my daughter is an independent adult, it is time. My younger MM has 3 school-age children. I can't ever see him divorced.

 

To answer your question - I am Eurasian; my husband is Caucasian. Maintaining a healthy life style doesn't hurt anyone...

[dazzle22]

It is unfortunate the love of your life did this to you. But why do you limit yourself to a taken man? Isn't that settling for less than you deserve again? Seems like you should move ahead with divorce and then date single men, given that you obviously have what it takes to attract someone else.

[citygal1]

I know several "cougars". Co-workers, neighbors, relatives etc. The general consensus among them is that this would depend of the amount of the age difference. For example, a 45 yr old woman might have a serious LTR with a 35 yr old man. But the same 45 yr old woman would only have a FWB relationship with a 25 yr old man. In other words, the larger the age difference is. The more likely it would be a FWB relationship with a younger man.

[coconutcupcake]

It is unfortunate the love of your life did this to you. But why do you limit yourself to a taken man? Isn't that settling for less than you deserve again? Seems like you should move ahead with divorce and then date single men, given that you obviously have what it takes to attract someone else.

 

 

Yes. It is settling in one way or another. Maybe I don't really want to be free...

[stillafool]

Hum... this is tough... it's not a regular relationship...

 

My last ex was 12 years younger.. we lived 5 years together.. it was amazing.. we probably would be together still .. if I had not leave.

 

I am now in an A with a much younger man (31 years younger)... I'm 57, he's 26. It's been 5 years now.. and he always say he will always love me.. even when I use a walker.. but I'm realistic... he's full of crap.. .

 

In your case.. I say.. go with the flow.. if you're quite comfortable with your H.. don't leave.. because chances are that it won't last with your younger guy if you move together... but I could be wrong..

 

I personally don't beleive in long term when the age gap is too big.. (+15 years)

 

I don't think he's full of crap at all. It is possible to love someone so much that you don't care what the physical looks like anymore, you see and feel that person's spirit and can still see them as no one else can.

[stillafool]

I love the movie "Harold and Maude".

[Lizzie60]

I don't think he's full of crap at all. It is possible to love someone so much that you don't care what the physical looks like anymore, you see and feel that person's spirit and can still see them as no one else can.

 

Although I know he loves me a lot.. he called twice today.. left a message that he wants to talk to me.. I know that it wouldn't last ... I also know that he's a serial cheater... he would cheat on me as well.. he will always cheat.. if it's not with me... it will be with someone else.. that I am absolutely certain.

 

He called several times this week... each time I was away. He left a few messages but I can't call back.. and I don't really want to... the last time he came over.. we had a little argument..

[Dexter Morgan]

so may as well go for a younger looking one!! (Now don't anyone flame me, this is joking around..)

 

well how much of an age difference are we talking about?

 

When you are 60 is he going to be 40? You don't think the obvious age difference will come out later?

 

Like for me, I don't want to be 60 with a 40 year old woman and have that woman not so attracted to me because I'm starting to look like a grandpa while she is still relatively young looking.

 

Its like a scene in Sex In The City where the one woman thought she could handle dating a man 20 years older than herself......until she saw his old man saggin ass.

[Dexter Morgan]

IMO age doesn't matter in a FWB / casual relationship. However I do think age matters in a LTR when the age difference is very large such as 20-25 yrs ago. The age difference may not be a problem right now. But it could eventually cause problems in the future.

 

I agree. because later is when one party starts to not look so hot any longer.

 

Not that looks are the end all, but how many people can honestly say they are attracted to someone that looks like a grandma/pa? (talking granny and gramps...not a grandma and grandpa that have an 18yo son or daughter that just had a kid)