OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Apparently giving my number to a guy who picked me up in the condom aisle gave him the wrong idea about me. Silly, optimistic me!
Stung Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Too bad. Would've been a good 'meet cute' story.
meerkat stew Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Not near enough detail, not by a long shot Cough it up.
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You'd probably feel differently if he had been buying magnum's
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 What, you mean you aren't the ultra-conservative, super-duper-uptight prude that he originally took you for?
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 OK, Condom Guy called me for a date the other day. So far so good - +point CG for calling instead of texting. We agreed on drinks & apps for tonight, but left the venue open. +2 pts, for suggesting my fave first date and for flexibility. He texted me this afternoon asking where I wanted to meet. There's this awesome bistro that was about halfway for both of us, little bit closer to him, but I've been working my way through their martini list (so far my favorite is the Saketini, the best part of the date), and they have this awesome "go-go bread" (warm garlic bread with gorgonzola fondue). Anyways, I digress. I just have very warm, fuzzy memories of those martinis and go-go bread. So I get there early, but he was earlier. I was just about to add a + to my mental tally when I noticed that he was chatting up the girl sitting next to him at the bar. Possibly, it would be a good thing that he's so friendly and social, but when I walked up to the bar there was an awkward moment of silence between CG and the other girl; then she started to put $ on the bar and CG said not to worry, he'd get her drink. So that was kind of a turn off. Not sure what to make of it, but it doesn't really matter. Other dick behavior: He made 3 REALLY lame jokes about those stupid condoms, except I'm not sure they were jokes. Maybe he was just nervous. Implying you're going to screw at the end of a first date is tacky though, especially since we didn't have any rapport established.He kept touching my arm, as a weak excuse to "mistakenly" feel up my left boobHe spanked me when I got up to go to the rest room Other than that it was a really good date though
meerkat stew Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Does your left boob snake down your arm or something? How was he working that boob grab into the arm touch? I'd love to be able to manage that. Can you give us a diagram? No +1 for the spanking? Stingy grader. Food sounds good though!
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Does your left boob snake down your arm or something? How was he working that boob grab into the arm touch? I'd love to be able to manage that. Can you give us a diagram? No +1 for the spanking? Stingy grader. Food sounds good though! He was sitting on my left; he would go for a boob/arm stroke when I was leaning forward with my arm on the bar. Most people would've taken it for closed body language (blocking him out). Normally I like being spanked, but this was more of a pat than a smack. If he can't even spank me the right way fully clothed in public, he's probably a beta in bed, don't you think? 0 points. He should thank me though. When I went to the bathroom I bought a condom for $.75, made an oragami envelope out of a cocktail napkin, wrote his number on it, put the condom inside and gave it to the girl he bought a drink for earlier. I have my fingers crossed that she calls him, not that I would ever know what happens.
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 He should thank me though. When I went to the bathroom I bought a condom for $.75, made an oragami envelope out of a cocktail napkin, wrote his number on it, put the condom inside and gave it to the girl he bought a drink for earlier. I have my fingers crossed that she calls him, not that I would ever know what happens. hahahahahahahahahaha did you poke a hole in it ?
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 hahahahahahahahahaha did you poke a hole in it ? I didn't think of that!
meerkat stew Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 He was sitting on my left; he would go for a boob/arm stroke when I was leaning forward with my arm on the bar. Most people would've taken it for closed body language (blocking him out). I see now! You should treasure this one. Frottage is one of the cooler sexually deviant practices because they are always rubbing up against you and keeping you warm in the winter. Normally I like being spanked, but this was more of a pat than a smack. If he can't even spank me the right way fully clothed in public, he's probably a beta in bed, don't you think? 0 points. Ah, knowing it was just a "pat and grab" as opposed to a true "spank," I see your point now. He should thank me though. When I went to the bathroom I bought a condom for $.75, made an oragami envelope out of a cocktail napkin, wrote his number on it, put the condom inside and gave it to the girl he bought a drink for earlier. I have my fingers crossed that she calls him, not that I would ever know what happens. Hahaaha good one! You have a career writing screenplays ahead of you.
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 I see now! You should treasure this one. Frottage is one of the cooler sexually deviant practices because they are always rubbing up against you and keeping you warm in the winter. Ah, knowing it was just a "pat and grab" as opposed to a true "spank," I see your point now. On the one hand, maybe I should give him credit for being so "alpha" - you know, going after what he wants, being so overtly sexual, etc. On the other hand, I don't think I was giving ANY flirtatious signals, and clearly he's too self-absorbed to correctly interpret dirty looks or body language. Probably this is further evidence that he's bad in bed. Hahaaha good one! You have a career writing screenplays ahead of you. I already wrote Gerard Butler as the male lead, opposite me, of course.
meerkat stew Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Aw, don't lie to us, you were droppin low at the table when he spanked that ass! Just thought of something, what if that girl you gave the condom to was his cousin? You may be responsible for a case of hemophilia.
Clep Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 He should thank me though. When I went to the bathroom I bought a condom for $.75, made an oragami envelope out of a cocktail napkin, wrote his number on it, put the condom inside and gave it to the girl he bought a drink for earlier. I have my fingers crossed that she calls him, not that I would ever know what happens. LMAO. That is priceless!!!!!!!!!
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Aw, don't lie to us, you were droppin low at the table when he spanked that ass! Just thought of something, what if that girl you gave the condom to was his cousin? You may be responsible for a case of hemophilia. It's that damn saki! It brings out my inner ghetto fab self. At first I was really mad at his behavior, and was just going to end the date and maybe be a little passive aggressive about it. But then I thought how much more satisfying it would be to tell him how disrespectful he was, so I did. I was just like "Dude, your moves are not at all smooth, in fact they're disrespectful. Does this usually work for you on a date?"
Satisfaction Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 He should thank me though. When I went to the bathroom I bought a condom for $.75, made an oragami envelope out of a cocktail napkin, wrote his number on it, put the condom inside and gave it to the girl he bought a drink for earlier. I have my fingers crossed that she calls him, not that I would ever know what happens. wow. you are fearless. Never would have occurred to me to do that. Nice one!
frustr8ed Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Normally I like being spanked, but this was more of a pat than a smack. If he can't even spank me the right way fully clothed in public, he's probably a beta in bed, don't you think? 0 points. See, this is why I always carry a paddle.
torranceshipman Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 wow. you are fearless. Never would have occurred to me to do that. Nice one! I agree thats hilarious!
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 and what did he say? Nothing noteworthy. I was so geared up for a blunt, honest exchange and instead he continued to be cocky and annoying and said something about how I had seemed so much cooler when he met me Like I care what he thinks!
Mr White Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You're totally drooling over this guy. He played it just fine - you're repulsed, but also intrigued (and mostly intrigued), and so you can't stop babbling about hin . Maybe he could improve his spanking technique, but otherwise not such a bad job from him
Author OnlyJake Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 You're totally drooling over this guy. He played it just fine - you're repulsed, but also intrigued (and mostly intrigued), and so you can't stop babbling about hin . Maybe he could improve his spanking technique, but otherwise not such a bad job from him Na that **** only works on girls with low self-worth and drama queens.
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