Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 ok, forgive if this gets a little long..it's just that this concept has been so annoying to me lately..i was wondering what you guys thing about these occasions... ***i have a friend (girl) who has a job and is paying her own bills etc..so she comes off as "independent" i guess in the economic area..but just because she is independent money wise, people tend to believe that she is independent in everything..however she never stays without a boyfriend and has told me that 3 of her ex'es, she dated WITHOUT liking them sinply because she couldnt stand being single...however when i introduced her to my friend (guy) he said she seems so independent,,,he meant emotionally as well.. **also another friend of mine is always dating somebody even when she only knows them for a little bit or doesnt really like them..she met someone and made him her bf after a week...hasnt been single in 5 years because she cant stand being single..like before she'll break up with someone, she makes sure there's someone else to receive her with open arms..yet she got me very mad because she was saying how she is so independent..but yet you don't work, you havent been by yourself in 5 years..and you're now 19...soo why do you brag about something when its not true?? she talks about being single with so much opinion such as "i wouldnt care if i was single" but yet she's never been single and when she was 14 all she talked about 24/7 was about how much she wanted a boyfriend.. opinions please?? im not trying to bash anyone, im just very confused of the whoel independent concept...what exactly does it mean?
bananaboat11 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Really? Hm... Even though I am just getting over a heartbreak... I'm single now and not looking. I'm actually ok with going to bed by myself... yeah, I would love to have someone to love me the way I love them... to kiss... to hold at night, but I can live without it until the time is right. Does that make me emotionally independent? I'm financially stable... have my own place... my own car... pay my own bills.. I'm a graduate student researcher with a fellowship for research and a teaching assistantship ($$$)... yeah I'm underpaid for the hours I put in, but it's still a good salary. (Not a 7 figure like most gold diggers want)... but it's modest for a graduate student... eventually, in the given field I'm in... then there's real money and I'll be financially stable. I have a CC w/ a low balance that is paid off every month... make my electric, cell, car, insurance, water, heating bills on time.. still have plenty of $ to live comfortably and eat + pay for a gym membership... And Honestly.. I do not feel I'm independent. Yeah. seriously.
Author Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Really? Hm... Even though I am just getting over a heartbreak... I'm single now and not looking. I'm actually ok with going to bed by myself... yeah, I would love to have someone to love me the way I love them... to kiss... to hold at night, but I can live without it until the time is right. Does that make me emotionally independent? I'm financially stable... have my own place... my own car... pay my own bills.. I'm a graduate student researcher with a fellowship for research and a teaching assistantship ($$$)... yeah I'm underpaid for the hours I put in, but it's still a good salary. (Not a 7 figure like most gold diggers want)... but it's modest for a graduate student... eventually, in the given field I'm in... then there's real money and I'll be financially stable. I have a CC w/ a low balance that is paid off every month... make my electric, cell, car, insurance, water, heating bills on time.. still have plenty of $ to live comfortably and eat + pay for a gym membership... And Honestly.. I do not feel I'm independent. Yeah. seriously. you seem independent..but i honestly have no idea what that truly means. i made this thread because i truly want to know.
Author Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 i mean personally when i was heartbroken i went through so much and didnt like being single..when you're in pain you would like for someone to be there more than if you're okay...however i never dated anyone that i didnt like simply because "its boring being alone"..i know this sounds silly but some (not all lol) of my friends will make somone their boyfriend simply becaus ethey like being in a relationship..they like the dinners, movies and having someone to kiss and cuddle with...does this make them dependent??
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Really? Hm... Even though I am just getting over a heartbreak... I'm single now and not looking. I'm actually ok with going to bed by myself... yeah, I would love to have someone to love me the way I love them... to kiss... to hold at night, but I can live without it until the time is right. Does that make me emotionally independent? I'm financially stable... have my own place... my own car... pay my own bills.. I'm a graduate student researcher with a fellowship for research and a teaching assistantship ($$$)... yeah I'm underpaid for the hours I put in, but it's still a good salary. (Not a 7 figure like most gold diggers want)... but it's modest for a graduate student... eventually, in the given field I'm in... then there's real money and I'll be financially stable. I have a CC w/ a low balance that is paid off every month... make my electric, cell, car, insurance, water, heating bills on time.. still have plenty of $ to live comfortably and eat + pay for a gym membership... And Honestly.. I do not feel I'm independent. Yeah. seriously. Well you sound stable at the very least..... I think a lot of people say they are independent because of the hype around the idea....Especially younger people who listen to all the "miss independent" songs etc. but really they have no idea what that means. My question is...why does it bother YOU so much that girls who are not independent pretend to be and act like it at the very least so the current guy they are seeing actually thinks they are too? Now being "independent" can mean a couple of things. FInancially Independent = Being able to pay for everything you own or need without help of parents/husbands/wives/bf/gfs. Emotionally Independent = Being able to be in relationships both with friends and with SOs where there is inter-dependency but not enmeshment (as in people in the relationship meet the emotional needs of each other without being leeches). Also, it means to be able to walk away when the relationship becomes unhealthy or the needs of one the participants arent being met. It also mean to be ok with being on your own without having that urge to jump in a relationship just because you cant stand being alone. This also means that you dont need to use your friends as crotches (sp?) in order to be able to be single. I mean, yeah ofcourse use your support system but dont suffocate them. (LOTS of self labeled "independent" people do this) Now, as I said, a lot of people want to think of themselves as independent because the media has made such a big stink about this. However, its not supposed to be a "ohh look how cool i am! im "independent" sort of thing...its about having a healthy self esteem and being able to stand on your own two feet.
jw90063 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I think being independent, would mean you are strong enough to not always have to be in a relationship to feel content. Some people constantly have to be in relationships or they don't know how to function on their own. I knew this girl from high school who dated a guy for years. I don't think she was EVER single for any amount of time. They were going to get married, but didn't. It wasn't too long after that she met another guy and got married quickly. Apparently she is not very independent, but she has to jump right back into a relationship. I think it was more like a rebound for her. I think it's a turn off, when someone has to constantly be attached to a bf or gf in order to have a happy life. Of course, independent also means the obvious. Going to work or school, living on your own, paying your own bills and not depending on someone else for money all the time.
Woggle Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 It's just some phrase women spout to toot their own horn. It doesn't actually have much meaning behind it.
Author Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Well you sound stable at the very least..... I think a lot of people say they are independent because of the hype around the idea....Especially younger people who listen to all the "miss independent" songs etc. but really they have no idea what that means. My question is...why does it bother YOU so much that girls who are not independent pretend to be and act like it at the very least so the current guy they are seeing actually thinks they are too? Now being "independent" can mean a couple of things. FInancially Independent = Being able to pay for everything you own or need without help of parents/husbands/wives/bf/gfs. Emotionally Independent = Being able to be in relationships both with friends and with SOs where there is inter-dependency but not enmeshment (as in people in the relationship meet the emotional needs of each other without being leeches). Also, it means to be able to walk away when the relationship becomes unhealthy or the needs of one the participants arent being met. It also mean to be ok with being on your own without having that urge to jump in a relationship just because you cant stand being alone. This also means that you dont need to use your friends as crotches (sp?) in order to be able to be single. I mean, yeah ofcourse use your support system but dont suffocate them. (LOTS of self labeled "independent" people do this) Now, as I said, a lot of people want to think of themselves as independent because the media has made such a big stink about this. However, its not supposed to be a "ohh look how cool i am! im "independent" sort of thing...its about having a healthy self esteem and being able to stand on your own two feet. it doesn't bother me at all actually..i'm just very confused by the word. that's all. i dont care if people are dependent/independednt rich/poor etc...i like and accept people for who they are. all i know is that i hear about it alot girls and guys are always saying they want someone to be independent..im just wondering what exactly does it mean.
Author Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 by the way your guys responses make sense..basically financially, obvioulsy we all know what that means and emotionally it means to love someone and respect them and need them also, but if they disrespect you and treat you badly, being strong enough to walk away?? makes perfect sense.. the reason why i asked and gave the examples was because (as you guys saw) people around me have the wrong idea of what the word truly means...they almost look at it as though "not feeling hurt when someone leaves you and moving on right away with someone else=independent" so i was just a little confused.
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