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Why did she go cold?


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Posted

Hi everyone. I really could use some advice involving my situation. Thanks in advance..

 

So I met this women online ( she messaged me ) and we started exchanging messages and then exchanged numbers. Shes 26 a single mother of 2 kids and im 30 with no kids. We texted and talked on the phone for a while it seemed like we were a good match so we meet up for drinks and a movie.. I thought the date went well and she told me she had fun as well. So we talked and texted all week and made plans to see each other the next week. We met at a bar had a great time again and I stayed at her place that nite ( No sex just kissing and cuddling ). We kept talking via text and phone but something started to seem like it wasnt right. Basically she started to seem distant and she stopped texting and calling as much as she did before.. It was holiday time and I know that can be tough on people dealing with family stuff so I gave her a break and backed off a little.. So anyway after about 3 weeks after our second date we make plans for me to come over on a friday nite. I talked to her in the morning and told her I would be there at 630 and call her at 6 when I left for directions. She texted me at about 3 and said she "had to run out for a while and would text me when she got home" in which I said "ok thats fine".. My gut tells me she not going to get back to me so I make other plans and go out with my buddies.. At this point Im saying to myself that Ill never talk to her again.. The next morning she texts me good morning and I don't reply and at about 9pm she texts me hey I dont reply again. So she never says anything about standing me up.. Come sunday after noon she texts again "Hey baby".. I went out and watched some football and got a little drunk and finally texted back "Hi" she replys in a 1 min saying "come see her" and I say "no Im busy sorry".. So now its monday and I dont hear from her all week untill saturday when she texts me " hey u" I dont respond. Sunday rolls around and she texts again saying " so now your not talking to me?" I respond saying "yeah im talking to you, whats up?" we exchage a couple more texts and that was it for the nite.. We then start talking all week and I invite her to a basketball game on friday and she accepts. As we were talking thursday she invites me over and we hang out all nite and I go to work in the morning and cant wait to see her for the game. She cancels on the game saying she cant get anybody to watch her kids ( lame excuse ). That was this past friday and She hasnt talked to me all week. I texed her yesterday and she didnt answer.. I feeling pretty down about this cause I really like her and thought we got along great..

 

A little backround about her: Her and the kids father still talk and I think he wants her back.. She just got out of a year and a half realationship with a differant guy.

 

Why do I feel so down about this?? Is it the rejection factor?? Why is ok for her to get in touch with me whenever but when I try she doesnt answer??

 

I erased her number and will never contact her again..

 

I know this is really minor compared to the other peoples situations but I just had to vent and get it off my chest... Any advice will help.. Thanks..

Posted

Well first of all, it sounds like you were the one not responding to her. You only texted her once (at the end of all this) and didn't get an answer.

 

Secondly, the first time she bailed on you for a date, it sounds to me like you gave her the cold shoulder by not responding to her later texts. Eventually you did respond, yes but still it gives the impression you've completely lost interest in her.

 

The next date she cancelled and said she couldn't get a babysitter - hey, it could very well have been the case. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Most moms only feel comfortable with certain people watching their kids and maybe those people were unavailable at the time.

 

She probably hasn't contacted you since she cancelled last friday because she felt bad about it and since you ignored her after the last time... well, she probably figured it was pointless to try.

 

So next time, nix the mind games!

Posted

she blew you off, rude and disprespectful, but what's worse is that she never mentioned why. If she contacts you, I would ask her why?

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for responding guys.. I dont know if you read it right TWIS she stood me up on the 3rd time we were going to hang out.. Basically no call no show..

 

Sid, thats exactly what I was thinking but I felt like giving her a second chance cause I was into her and still am..

Posted

Okay, I guess I didn't really pay too much attention to the first time she stood you up. That right there was a big ol' red flag. I've had that happen once where I made tentative plans with a guy and then he never called or texted. The next day he texted like nothing was wrong. I practically had to pry whatever excuse he had out of him (really bad excuse too). And of course I let it go. Three weeks later he fell off the face of the earth. So... with that in mind, she might not be worth the effort. Of course with every person there's a different story.

 

It is also possible that she was seeing someone else too and was more interested in them (like you mentioned her ex)

Posted

A little backround about her: Her and the kids father still talk and I think he wants her back.. She just got out of a year and a half realationship with a differant guy.

 

 

What more do you need to know, get out of there fast. This is bad news.

 

I erased her number and will never contact her again..

 

 

Smart man, smart man :).

Posted

I think picking people off the net is kind of like fishing near a sewer run off. Occasionally you might pull out a trout, but not before you pull in a bunch of mutant slimey things as well.

She's a total flake and probably still sleeping with the one guy.

 

Now I will probably get flamed for this, but why the heck do these young women already have two kids and make no effort to stay with the progenitors of their little spawn.??? Not only that, they are already on to the next, and then the next... It is one thing if you are truly single and carefree, but these women who carry on with guy after guy and they've got young kids. Lousy life choices obviously...

  • Author
Posted

Yeah I guess you missed that part cant blame you Im not the best writer... HAHA. I guess I really never should have spoke to her agian but I blame it on the alcohol.. Some people just like to play with other peoples heads I guess. The funny part is that im the person who has everything going for them good job, own house, tons of friends, great family.. Dont know why I fell this way..

Posted

She went cold because she's not interested. Sorry dude.

Posted
Yeah I guess you missed that part cant blame you Im not the best writer... HAHA. I guess I really never should have spoke to her agian but I blame it on the alcohol.. Some people just like to play with other peoples heads I guess. The funny part is that im the person who has everything going for them good job, own house, tons of friends, great family.. Dont know why I fell this way..

 

 

It happens...Aww....Just move on...She wasn't the pick of the litter,anyway.

Posted

It happens, we fall for some people for reasons we fail to see, or just deny. You can and will do better, better off single than the playmate to another person's mind games. Look at the positives as to why your better off moving on, rather than taking the victim mentality. Besides, at 30 with good things going for you, you really are better off without the baby momma drama.

  • Author
Posted

Onlyjake, Why would she keep texting and talking to me if she not interested?? I dont get it..

  • Author
Posted

Hey dazzle thanks for the insight.. Yeah your probably right about her still talking to she says she hates her ex but still talks to him.. Why go on dating sites if your not "really single"?

Posted
Onlyjake, Why would she keep texting and talking to me if she not interested?? I dont get it..

 

To be honest, you wrote a wall of text that I didn't feel like trying to edit in my head, so I only skimmed it.

 

Sounds like the same reason guys do it to girls - to string them along. Either she had very lukewarm interest and was keeping you as a backup, or she liked the attention and validation you gave her. Maybe a combination of both.

 

Does it really matter why? The end result is the same...

 

As someone esel commented, she's not exactly the pick of the litter. Actually now that I think of it, that might make the rejection even harder to take.

  • Author
Posted

Sid, yeah it does happen.. I had more in common this one then all the other girls Ive dating including my ex of 2 years. We got along great, maybe its the fact that shes really hot I dont know.. Im a pretty attractive guy and really have no problem getting women its always the one you cant have..

  • Author
Posted

Onlyjake, I think your right about stringing me me along.. No it really doesnt matter cause its over and done with now.. Yeah it might be a little harder to take but it is what is.. I just dont get why people string you along and get your hopes up..

Posted
Onlyjake, I think your right about stringing me me along.. No it really doesnt matter cause its over and done with now.. Yeah it might be a little harder to take but it is what is.. I just dont get why people string you along and get your hopes up..

 

That's easy. It's because many people are self-interested.

 

Self-interest is the enemy of all true affection. I think FDR said that.

  • Author
Posted

GAchasen, thanks for reading and responding. Yeah I think your right what a waste of time.. I dont know why I waste my time with these crazy women

  • Author
Posted

Onlyjake, I guess your right.. Thanks for the advice.. I know shes eventually going to text or call me I cant wait to not answer..

  • Author
Posted

Hi everyone!! I have a couple more questions any answers would help..

 

 

I can't stop thinking about this girl, how do I get over it and move on?

 

Ive been going out and can't stop comparing other girls to her, how do I stop that?

 

I could have a date with this cute girl tonight but I just dont feel up to it for some reason.. Should I do it anyway?

 

If and when she texts/calls should I answer it??

Posted

Youre completely infatuated with her. That will take time to go away. In the meantime you have to conciously try to not think about her. Keep flirting with new girls. But go out with the new girl in the meantime, she could take your mind off the old girl completely.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for replying boogieboy.. Yes I am infatuated with her dont really know why but it sucks.. Ok sounds good I think I will go out with the new one. Shes a cutie and 8 years younger then me so I hope that will help me relize that not all women are bitches..

Posted (edited)

You never shared how you responded to her when she cancelled because she didn't have a sitter. Did you get mad at her? Your response may be why she hasn't spoken to you since then. She may be thinking "I can't date a man who isn't understanding about my children."

 

Also, did you ask her why she flaked the first time? You shouldn't have talked to her about anything until she explained her behavior.

 

She may be no-good but it sounds like both of you started playing power games instead of talking about the issues.

Edited by txsilkysmoothe
  • Author
Posted

Hi txsilkysmoothe.. Thanks for responding. The game was on a friday and we made plans on monday she said her sister would watch her kids. I saw her the night before (thursday) and had a great time and stayed the night at her place.

 

She texted me friday while I was at work and says

 

Her: Hey babe I have to bail on the game tonight my sis wont take both kids and my ex wont either.. Have fun!!

Me: Aww thats sucks.. Ok i will do..

Her: She said something about work and then said "sorry I cant go tonight"

Me: I just responded to the work comment.

 

I was kinda mad but I dont think it seemed like I came off that way.. She has done this in the past so.

 

No I didnt ask way she flaked I just ignored her with no intention of talking to her again. I know I should have said someting but like I said I was really into her and couldnt stop myself..

 

Yeah your probably right about the power games on my part but I dont think she was playing them.. I think she probably just lost interest or is back with her kids father.

 

My question is after she flaked, why did she keep texting?

  • Author
Posted

Oh yeah I forgot to add this.. After she canceled on friday she didnt contact me at all the rest of the weekend. So I texted her on sunday nite just to say hi.

 

ME: Hey babe How are u?

Her: ( an hour later) Hey how was the game?

ME: Good how was your weekend?

Her: OK

ME: Aww wish you could have to come to the game.

 

She didnt respond to that.. So I waited a couple days and texted her on wednesday "Hey whats up? Hows it going? She didnt answer that and havent heard from her since.

 

I guess shes just not interested and I know i have to accept that and move on but its just bothering me. I feel like texting her but cant casue I dont have her numer ( which is probably good ). I know I feel better in some time and be thanking myself that I didnt get invloved with this crazy chick..

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