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Is this text convo with another girl innapropriate?

mmmbounce

By mmmbounce
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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mmmbounce New Member

mmmbounce

Posted
Posted

Hi there, I'm new here and I have a question that I need some help with. First of all I would like to say that I have been dating a guy for a few months and he just last night asked me to be his girlfriend. I have some trust issues from previous relationships but have felt that this current guy has given off some vibes that make me feel suspicious regardless. We have talked about it and each time we discuss issues, it ends with both of us willing to work together to make things work.

 

However, I made a mistake today when he left his phone to go pick up his son and I was at his apartment. I checked his texts which I know was a bad idea and disrespectful. I apologized to him after, but am now concerned over the conversation that I found between him and a coworker (they are both bartenders). The following is a conversation he had with her yesterday morning...

 

Her: If any of you want thursday/ friday/ saturday ( I have promos till 7 that day) lemme know asap. Thanks!

 

Him: I want thursday :)

 

Her: Off?

 

Him: Are you offering to work thursday at **** for me?

 

Her: Yeah. But you said you want it. Ok ok like you claim that I work that for you. Right?

 

Him: R u drunk? Lol t mac if you don't have any prior engagements will you please work at **** for me thursday? Aka tomorrow?

 

Her: Haha yes **** I would love to. 4 correct sir?

 

Him: Yeah b*tch cause diddy says so :) jk is 7 the earliest u can go in?

 

Her: No that's on Sat. I can be there by 4

 

Him: Hell yeah you're the ****!!!!!!

 

Her: No worries boo. Thank you I'm broke as ****.

 

Him: You need a sugar daddy? :) hmm hmm lol jk. I get to take my son to b ball practice now... I owe lunch whenever u wish to redeem :)

 

Her: No worries man

 

Him: That's no worries "big cock man" to you t mac jk lol have a good day friend.

 

Her: Your crazy. You too :)

 

Anyway, I told him that I would not and have not had a conversation along those same lines with other guys but he claims that I am overreacting and that he doesn't feel like this is a flirtatious conversation at all. Am I being silly to think that him asking "jokingly" if she needs a sugar daddy, inviting her to lunch, and calling himself "big cock man" is innapropriate?

Porn_Guy Established Member

Porn_Guy

Posted
Posted
, but am now concerned over the conversation that I found between him and a coworker (they are both bartenders). The following is a conversation he had with her yesterday morning...

i'm more concerned about why you were snooping on his phone. you obviously have some serious trust issues going on here.

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mmmbounce New Member

mmmbounce

Posted
  • Author
Posted
i'm more concerned about why you were snooping on his phone. you obviously have some serious trust issues going on here.

 

Yes I know. I stated that I do have some trust issues. Part of my problem is that he had a previous conversation with this girl in front of me when we were all out together one night. He jokingly asked me to confirm for her that he has a big dick because I guess they had had a previous conversation about it.

 

In the beginning of the relationship he stated that he thinks he might be a swinger at heart. But now he is saying that he no longer feels that way and that he only wants to be with me.

 

My concern is that he actually does still want to be with other girls, but that he doesn't want me to know about it because he knows it would hurt me.

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

Posted
Posted

No it's not inappropriate, yes you are overreacting. Stop snooping.

 

People from work regularly have flirty sounding banter like this with nothing whatsoever untoward going on.

OnlyJake Established Member

OnlyJake

Posted
Posted

I would be more concerned that his banter, if it can be called that, is lame and not at all witty.

Gingy New Member

Gingy

Posted
Posted

Very inappropriate, I would assume if a conversaation like that went on between you and someone else he'd be pretty upset. Although I do know this bring it up and making a HUGE DEAL about it he'll make sure to delete the evidence now that you know and then youll never know if its just a play thing between them or if its serious. Talk about your days conversations you've had. He should talk to you too. Try not to sound upset at things like this if he's being honest because it'll make him not want to tell you things for fear you might get upset...trust me :( Its better to know and take precautions later then getting upset and being uprepared

Ilovehim Established Member

Ilovehim

Posted
Posted

i think his actions are innapropriate and if i found my bf doing that, i would leave him.

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mmmbounce New Member

mmmbounce

Posted
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Posted
i think his actions are innapropriate and if i found my bf doing that, i would leave him.

 

I am headed over there now. I want to move past this... Is there hope if he doesn't really think its bad at all?

make me believe Established Member

make me believe

Posted
Posted

I think that exchange is inappropriate. Joking about offering yourself up to a female as her sugar daddy, and referring to yourself as "big cock man" to her is crossing the line with you have a girlfriend. And I agree with OnlyJake the lameness is also concerning.. lol.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

It sounded like they were just joking around mostly. I think the only part that seemed :eek:, was the "big cock man" comment. It is most likely a reference to some inside joke someone made at work; like something someone heard a comedian say and repeated on the job. But I could see how that might straddle the line of inappropriate.

 

Blow it off and stop snooping. He mentions his kid and called her friend. He isn't hiding his life's priority (son) from her. He only offered to buy her lunch, not take her out to dinner and a movie. You make a stink over this and you will come off as the stinker.

jnd2009 Member

jnd2009

Posted
Posted

I think it's just harmless flirting.

Jersey Shortie Established Member

Jersey Shortie

Posted
Posted
I would be more concerned that his banter, if it can be called that, is lame and not at all witty.

 

:lmao: That cracked me up because I thought the same thing.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Part of my problem is that he had a previous conversation with this girl in front of me when we were all out together one night. He jokingly asked me to confirm for her that he has a big dick because I guess they had had a previous conversation about it.

 

This guy is an asshat. Lose him :)

SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

Posted
Posted

I think he has a crush on her...

 

Otherwise, I agree that he sounds very lame.....and not the brightest tool in the shed.

Des Established Member

Des

Posted
Posted
i'm more concerned about why you were snooping on his phone. you obviously have some serious trust issues going on here.

 

Says "Porn_Guy".

 

 

There are obviously reasons to have trust issues here.

New_Life08 Established Member

New_Life08

Posted
Posted

Yeah, it is inappropriate. My bf has also been informed how I feel about the sexually inappropriate conversations with other women. Whether they are joking or not...it says something about their character that sends red flags.

 

You are right to bring it to his attention. Maybe it is something he is so used to doing that he didn't even think of it as flirtatious. Time will tell, and you will know if this is a character issue or just some goofing off that went a little to far.

 

Hang in there.

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mmmbounce New Member

mmmbounce

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yeah, it is inappropriate. My bf has also been informed how I feel about the sexually inappropriate conversations with other women. Whether they are joking or not...it says something about their character that sends red flags.

 

You are right to bring it to his attention. Maybe it is something he is so used to doing that he didn't even think of it as flirtatious. Time will tell, and you will know if this is a character issue or just some goofing off that went a little to far.

 

Hang in there.

 

Thanks a bunch for that! We did discuss the issue, in fact he posted his own question in this section, its the one entitled "What do I do?" or something along those lines and his user name is drumstix.

 

He feels that I turn everything in a negative direction. I can understand where he's coming from too because I do have some trust issues. I think we both have valid points on either end and hopefully we can move forward. He definitely knows how I feel about flirtatious texting and I know how he feels when I am overly suspicious.

 

You are right, time will tell and I believe that time can make good relationships stronger.

Chitowngirl Established Member

Chitowngirl

Posted
Posted

Uh yeah that convo is disgusting on so many levels.

 

 

Hi there, I'm new here and I have a question that I need some help with. First of all I would like to say that I have been dating a guy for a few months and he just last night asked me to be his girlfriend. I have some trust issues from previous relationships but have felt that this current guy has given off some vibes that make me feel suspicious regardless. We have talked about it and each time we discuss issues, it ends with both of us willing to work together to make things work.

 

However, I made a mistake today when he left his phone to go pick up his son and I was at his apartment. I checked his texts which I know was a bad idea and disrespectful. I apologized to him after, but am now concerned over the conversation that I found between him and a coworker (they are both bartenders). The following is a conversation he had with her yesterday morning...

 

Her: If any of you want thursday/ friday/ saturday ( I have promos till 7 that day) lemme know asap. Thanks!

 

Him: I want thursday :)

 

Her: Off?

 

Him: Are you offering to work thursday at **** for me?

 

Her: Yeah. But you said you want it. Ok ok like you claim that I work that for you. Right?

 

Him: R u drunk? Lol t mac if you don't have any prior engagements will you please work at **** for me thursday? Aka tomorrow?

 

Her: Haha yes **** I would love to. 4 correct sir?

 

Him: Yeah b*tch cause diddy says so :) jk is 7 the earliest u can go in?

 

Her: No that's on Sat. I can be there by 4

 

Him: Hell yeah you're the ****!!!!!!

 

Her: No worries boo. Thank you I'm broke as ****.

 

Him: You need a sugar daddy? :) hmm hmm lol jk. I get to take my son to b ball practice now... I owe lunch whenever u wish to redeem :)

 

Her: No worries man

 

Him: That's no worries "big cock man" to you t mac jk lol have a good day friend.

 

Her: Your crazy. You too :)

 

Anyway, I told him that I would not and have not had a conversation along those same lines with other guys but he claims that I am overreacting and that he doesn't feel like this is a flirtatious conversation at all. Am I being silly to think that him asking "jokingly" if she needs a sugar daddy, inviting her to lunch, and calling himself "big cock man" is innapropriate?

sid3 Established Member

sid3

Posted
Posted

The words big cock man? while talking to another girl, besides tactless, should piss you off. It's disrespectful to you, the gf. Sorry but he sounds like a tool.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

First off why would you even be attracted to a guy like this. I have a friend like you who finds herself with bad guys and seriously you are only hurting yourself. Just because you have trust issues give you know right to snoop through his phone... I mean you already knew he was a jerk you didn't need to confirm it. I don't even need to snoop through his phone to predict a future of more rude msgs. When he flirted with a girl infront of you by asking you to confirm the size of his dick that was rude. Seriously just use redflags like that.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

yes, it's inappropriate and he knows it... that's why he's defending himself so much. if there was no harm - there would be no need to justify or defend.

 

if it had been appropriate it would look like this:

 

hey, can you work my thursday shift at 4?

 

reply - would be a simple yes or no response.

 

nuf said.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

I had a part time waiting tables in a pub. As well, a few of my friends are bartenders. A few others are servers at restaurants.

I was a bit stunned at first by the demeanor I found, but in turn, THEY were stunned that I initially took it seriously.

If you remove all the tacky flavor, the conversation was mostly about switching shifts. Not so terrible when you boil it down to what was trying to be accomplished with their communication.

Having worked in a bar and heard how my friends talk with their coworkers - this is pretty normal. Lots of crass comments and jokes that are based off of the antics of their patrons rather than any literal meaning.

 

The guy was just being crass, who picks up women that way?

Bubblicious New Member

Bubblicious

Posted
Posted
Hi there, I'm new here and I have a question that I need some help with. First of all I would like to say that I have been dating a guy for a few months and he just last night asked me to be his girlfriend. I have some trust issues from previous relationships but have felt that this current guy has given off some vibes that make me feel suspicious regardless. We have talked about it and each time we discuss issues, it ends with both of us willing to work together to make things work.

 

However, I made a mistake today when he left his phone to go pick up his son and I was at his apartment. I checked his texts which I know was a bad idea and disrespectful. I apologized to him after, but am now concerned over the conversation that I found between him and a coworker (they are both bartenders). The following is a conversation he had with her yesterday morning...

 

Her: If any of you want thursday/ friday/ saturday ( I have promos till 7 that day) lemme know asap. Thanks!

 

Him: I want thursday :)

 

Her: Off?

 

Him: Are you offering to work thursday at **** for me?

 

Her: Yeah. But you said you want it. Ok ok like you claim that I work that for you. Right?

 

Him: R u drunk? Lol t mac if you don't have any prior engagements will you please work at **** for me thursday? Aka tomorrow?

 

Her: Haha yes **** I would love to. 4 correct sir?

 

Him: Yeah b*tch cause diddy says so :) jk is 7 the earliest u can go in?

 

Her: No that's on Sat. I can be there by 4

 

Him: Hell yeah you're the ****!!!!!!

 

Her: No worries boo. Thank you I'm broke as ****.

 

Him: You need a sugar daddy? :) hmm hmm lol jk. I get to take my son to b ball practice now... I owe lunch whenever u wish to redeem :)

 

Her: No worries man

 

Him: That's no worries "big cock man" to you t mac jk lol have a good day friend.

 

Her: Your crazy. You too :)

 

Anyway, I told him that I would not and have not had a conversation along those same lines with other guys but he claims that I am overreacting and that he doesn't feel like this is a flirtatious conversation at all. Am I being silly to think that him asking "jokingly" if she needs a sugar daddy, inviting her to lunch, and calling himself "big cock man" is innapropriate?

Hi

It depends how the rest of the relationship is as to your trust levels...this could be just taken as a bit of banter between co-workers and as he has only just asked you to become his girlfriend maybe it will take him time to adjust to being in a relationship. If there are a lot of other tell tale signs as shown in the top ten signs of a cheating partner http://www.spysupermarket.co.uk/spying-and-relationship-advice/top-10-signs-of-a-cheating-partner.html , then you have something to worry about. If it's like this so early on though, it's a bit of a worry. With your trust issues you have to remember you can't take them into a new relationship with you or it's doomed from the beginning. Good luck!

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

Posted
Posted

Secondly, anyone who calls themselves 'big cock man' has got to be a wanker, even if hes joking around, honestly who would call themselves that and think its hilarious???

 

This seems to be a common thread, the "big c*ck man" issue. Yet everyone assumes that he was saying it in reference to himself.

 

1. Manager gives the employees a dressing down. After he leaves, the girl says to your BF, "Well would you look at the big c*ck man!"

 

2. A customer comes in and gets drunk, starts telling the whole bar he has the biggest c*ck in town. It becomes a joke with the employees.

 

3. There is some media or music reference to "big c*ck man" that catches on around work.

 

4. Girl complains to your BF that her BF is acting like some kind of "big c*ck man."

 

Chances that a man would seriously use the phrase in an attempt to create attraction in a woman or flirt? I dunno, maybe 10-15%

 

Chance that a woman would use this phrase to make fun of a particular guy, it caught on at work, and is often repeated by her friends? 90%

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