Nikki Sahagin Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 So it seems that time can do 1 of either 2 things: 1) absence makes the heart grow fonder or: 2) out of sight out of mind What happens if one of you only grows to love the other person more? And the other only grows further apart? It seems no matter what my ex does I love him. As time passes I'm growing fonder of him. I don't know what he feels but I can only assume he is moving further and further from me. This pain is unreal Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 The pain is a natural feeling that would come with the break-up. Allow yourself to grief. But, absence makes the heart grow fonder? This is because you miss him. Don't think that you are growing in love for him It doesn't matter how he feels. It's about you now. Stay strong and don't contact him. Feel free to post for details about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 The best way to get through it is to assume and convince yourself that your ex is in the "out of sight, out of mind" train...they may very well be putting you behind them...they might not... Dwelling on the possibility that they are growing more in love with you while you're apart is both: (1) Highly unlikely...and (2) Will not help you let go and move forward. By convincing yourself that they've let go, there's no reason for you to hold onto something that is no longer there...and it will allow you to move on more assuredly... As counterman said, it doesn't matter how he feels...but if you must attach something to him, then assume he's done'ski with you...it'll hurt now, but it'll help in the long run... Link to post Share on other sites
shopgirl7907 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I feel you... After a year apart I think my feelings have intensified whereas his seem to be fading... it really does suck. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I personally have never experienced my 'heart growing fonder' with time and distance. I have experienced love and emotional connection that spans decades, but not 'fonder', if by that you mean a strengthening of the emotion of love. In nearly all cases, IME, the 'flame goes out' due to cause rather than time and distance. IOW, the time and distance are the result/reaction to the causal factors. Lastly, IMO, love can be 'recycled' and mutate into a different, yet equally satisfying dynamic over time, as both individuals, separately, grow into 'new' and different people. The basic connection is augmented by a new, perhaps more compatible, dynamic. And so it goes Link to post Share on other sites
cheeze Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 So it seems that time can do 1 of either 2 things: 1) absence makes the heart grow fonder or: 2) out of sight out of mind What happens if one of you only grows to love the other person more? And the other only grows further apart? It seems no matter what my ex does I love him. As time passes I'm growing fonder of him. I don't know what he feels but I can only assume he is moving further and further from me. This pain is unreal Strange coincidence but I thought about the same two quotes when my ex left! In a failed attempt to get him back I even asked him which one he believed in . I think there will come a time sooner or later when we just have to give up the past and move on. Just the journey till that point (and maybe beyond) is too tough. >>hugs<< Link to post Share on other sites
gaudi Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Yeah I have heard both of these phrases here and there. Usually when someone wants to know if there EX is coming back. I speak from experience, because when my EX broke up with me, everytime I heard the "GROW FONDER" quote, I would think "YES !! She's gonna eventually come back". However, now I think in absence that the heart does grow fonder, but it's only when you know for a fact that you are both going to be reunited, ie) one of you go's away on business/have to visit family/away with friends for long periods of time or whatever. I truly believe that in the course of a breakup, then it's the out of sight out of mind that applies, it has to. They break up because they want you "out of mind". That's not to say that a dumper will never come back (lots of them do). But when a dumper returns, I can guarantee they haven't been pining for you every second of when they've been away. You just pop back into their heart/head for whatever reason, and then they show their face. it's up to us how to deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
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