starscollide Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I've been broken up with the first guy I ever officially had a relationship with (everything else has been short term or just fizzled out quickly) for almost 5 years. I always saw cheating as black & white, but when he got into another relationship...we ended up hooking up casually. They were together 2 years, we hooked up about 5 times. I finally cut contact when he said that he'd said "I love you" to her because he'd never been able to say it in our relationship. We dated for a year, both each others first serious relationship. Fast forward 7 months, they're on the rocks and my ex's best friend tells me my ex still has feelings for me, isn't against us trying again later on in life when he wants something serious/committed, is open to us just "hanging out" right now. That was in May. Its now January. We were hooking up casually, and I was under the impression his relationship was over. I found out in November that they were still dating, to her it was a relationship, to him it was "complicated." So I didn't talk to him for a month and he ends up writing me a text, still being all cute and flirtatious. I finally laid it out there. This is a VERY brief synopsis, but he's got a ton of emotional issues and is very much so emotionally unavailable. So when I told him I deleted him on facebook after knowing they were going out again, I explained it was because it hurt to know he'd been seeing her the whole time & that I couldn't keep him on there because it would hurt to see things I'm better off not seeing. I also told him I care about him, about how he treats me, and that hes never been just a hookup. I'm so lost To smooth things over...I waited 2 weeks after telling him that and I had tried asking if we could meet up and he goes, "We probably shouldn't :(" and I KNOW its because I was finally honest about what I've held in since May....so I finally said how I felt, that I thought we could've started over when they broke up, that I always hoped we'd get a second chance, that I always wanted him to be happy, I just always hoped it would be with me. All he responded with was "*insert name*...please stop it." I'm heartbroken. You string me along for 2 years while with her, finally break it off and we start getting close again, then he goes back to her and wants to still be able to talk to me? What about me in all of this? And it sucks because she's a lot more assertive than I am..she pushes him around and gets her way. I've never been like that. I've always believed in giving someone a choice in what they want or don't want. And everyone under the sun tells me he's not happy with her, then why go back?
fooled once Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I've been broken up with the first guy I ever officially had a relationship with (everything else has been short term or just fizzled out quickly) for almost 5 years. I always saw cheating as black & white, but when he got into another relationship...we ended up hooking up casually. They were together 2 years, we hooked up about 5 times. I finally cut contact when he said that he'd said "I love you" to her because he'd never been able to say it in our relationship. We dated for a year, both each others first serious relationship. Fast forward 7 months, they're on the rocks and my ex's best friend tells me my ex still has feelings for me, isn't against us trying again later on in life when he wants something serious/committed, is open to us just "hanging out" right now. That was in May. Its now January. We were hooking up casually, and I was under the impression his relationship was over. I found out in November that they were still dating, to her it was a relationship, to him it was "complicated." So I didn't talk to him for a month and he ends up writing me a text, still being all cute and flirtatious. I finally laid it out there. This is a VERY brief synopsis, but he's got a ton of emotional issues and is very much so emotionally unavailable. So when I told him I deleted him on facebook after knowing they were going out again, I explained it was because it hurt to know he'd been seeing her the whole time & that I couldn't keep him on there because it would hurt to see things I'm better off not seeing. I also told him I care about him, about how he treats me, and that hes never been just a hookup. I'm so lost To smooth things over...I waited 2 weeks after telling him that and I had tried asking if we could meet up and he goes, "We probably shouldn't :(" and I KNOW its because I was finally honest about what I've held in since May....so I finally said how I felt, that I thought we could've started over when they broke up, that I always hoped we'd get a second chance, that I always wanted him to be happy, I just always hoped it would be with me. All he responded with was "*insert name*...please stop it." I'm heartbroken. You string me along for 2 years while with her, finally break it off and we start getting close again, then he goes back to her and wants to still be able to talk to me? What about me in all of this? And it sucks because she's a lot more assertive than I am..she pushes him around and gets her way. I've never been like that. I've always believed in giving someone a choice in what they want or don't want. And everyone under the sun tells me he's not happy with her, then why go back? I think he is happy with her but he enjoyed the hooking up with you. I think you and her are very different and provide him with different things. With her, maybe those are things he wants long term; where as with you, the things you bring are more "short term" things. I don't know and I don't think you will ever know the answer. But I do know --- it isn't YOU ~ it's him. He has jerked you around, and you have allowed him to *hug* Time for you to stand up for yourself. He is a selfish guy-- likes his cake and pie. Time for you to NOT give him anymore pie. Time for you to stand up for YOU and stop letting him treat you this way.
Author starscollide Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I think he is happy with her but he enjoyed the hooking up with you. I think you and her are very different and provide him with different things. With her, maybe those are things he wants long term; where as with you, the things you bring are more "short term" things. I don't know and I don't think you will ever know the answer. But I do know --- it isn't YOU ~ it's him. He has jerked you around, and you have allowed him to *hug* Time for you to stand up for yourself. He is a selfish guy-- likes his cake and pie. Time for you to NOT give him anymore pie. Time for you to stand up for YOU and stop letting him treat you this way. =( Apparently, its the opposite. His best friend let me in on a not so little secret: I'm not the only girl on the side, there have been plenty of others. And that with me, he knows I'd want something serious and committed whereas the girlfriend won't question him if he's hanging out with other girls. He doesn't want to be with me because that would mean having to be with just me, as this is what happened when we dated 5 years ago. I wanted an exclusive relationship, and in the end, we broke up because I was his first serious gf and he wanted to play the field. That and he became a cop, his entirely personality changed for the worse.
bittersweet memories Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I've been broken up with the first guy I ever officially had a relationship with (everything else has been short term or just fizzled out quickly) for almost 5 years. I always saw cheating as black & white, but when he got into another relationship...we ended up hooking up casually. They were together 2 years, we hooked up about 5 times. I finally cut contact when he said that he'd said "I love you" to her because he'd never been able to say it in our relationship. We dated for a year, both each others first serious relationship. Fast forward 7 months, they're on the rocks and my ex's best friend tells me my ex still has feelings for me, isn't against us trying again later on in life when he wants something serious/committed, is open to us just "hanging out" right now. That was in May. Its now January. We were hooking up casually, and I was under the impression his relationship was over. I found out in November that they were still dating, to her it was a relationship, to him it was "complicated." So I didn't talk to him for a month and he ends up writing me a text, still being all cute and flirtatious. I finally laid it out there. This is a VERY brief synopsis, but he's got a ton of emotional issues and is very much so emotionally unavailable. So when I told him I deleted him on facebook after knowing they were going out again, I explained it was because it hurt to know he'd been seeing her the whole time & that I couldn't keep him on there because it would hurt to see things I'm better off not seeing. I also told him I care about him, about how he treats me, and that hes never been just a hookup. I'm so lost To smooth things over...I waited 2 weeks after telling him that and I had tried asking if we could meet up and he goes, "We probably shouldn't :(" and I KNOW its because I was finally honest about what I've held in since May....so I finally said how I felt, that I thought we could've started over when they broke up, that I always hoped we'd get a second chance, that I always wanted him to be happy, I just always hoped it would be with me. All he responded with was "*insert name*...please stop it." I'm heartbroken. You string me along for 2 years while with her, finally break it off and we start getting close again, then he goes back to her and wants to still be able to talk to me? What about me in all of this? And it sucks because she's a lot more assertive than I am..she pushes him around and gets her way. I've never been like that. I've always believed in giving someone a choice in what they want or don't want. And everyone under the sun tells me he's not happy with her, then why go back? By what you posted here..it seems that he's not that into you, if he was he would NOT be treating you this way. He made his choice and went back to this other girl because he still cares for her. He wants you there in arms reach just incase he wants to hook up again if things dont turn out with this other girl. He knows you will be there as soon as he calls you. Prove him wrong and move on..
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