McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 just wondering why my ex consistently picks up/texts back emails back when i break NC (i know) and then wont respond. like ill send an email she ll be like how is your family, ill be like good, yours? and she wont respond. whY? does she feel the need to even respond to the first post. i dont understand. does she still have feelings? wtf? why do i care? intrigued for some answers but not staying up at night...
sedgwick Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Honestly, my guess would be that she's trying to be polite. The real question is, why do you continue to contact her? Do you REALLY care about how her family's doing? How often do you contact your other friends just to ask how their families are? Does it make you feel better to keep contacting her, or does it eat away at your pride and make you feel worse?
Author McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Does it make you feel better to keep contacting her, or does it eat away at your pride and make you feel worse? i would say its that^
Author McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 idk. i miss her so much. arghh!
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 idk. i miss her so much. arghh! Don't get me wrong...it's not a bad thing to miss her...hell, I miss my ex just as much now as I did when we first broke up...but I don't let it affect my life anymore...and I don't bring it up with my friends, family, or even with the LS community anymore...because no amount of analyzing or pondering will bring her back or make the pain go away...
sunrae Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 idk. i miss her so much. arghh! Maybe you are like me... I dont let a lot of people close to me and when I do, I have a REALLY hard time letting them go, even if they are toxic...
Author McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 ugh. i dont want to give her anymore of my dignity so i wont. just so bored/lonely/horny she alleived those symptoms. the acceptance is slowly creeping in. im in a much better place i think why would i want to be with someone like her..then i think she is the only girl to say "i love you" to me...whatever! just bored i guess
silverplanets Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 just so bored/lonely/horny I love your honesty ! she alleived those symptoms. the acceptance is slowly creeping in. im in a much better place you show a knack for self awareness (and self humour) .. it's a small comfort but it's that which will save you i think why would i want to be with someone like her..then i think she is the only girl to say "i love you" to me...whatever! So you know it's not impossible for a girl to say "I love you " to you ... excellent ... there's no need to worry that another one won't ... I'd be a lot more worried if no-one had ever said it to me just bored i guess
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 MCGRUPP!!!!! I am about 5 minutes away from getting in the car and driving up north. You always say "I broke NC (I know)" but you really don't! If you did, you'd stop doing it! I know i've said this about a million times before, but why do you keep sticking your hand in the fire, when you KNOW it's going to hurt? I know, just as much as others, that being able to fully and honestly let go is the hardest part. There are so many 'what ifs', hopes, fears, desires... all of which prevent us from being able to fully let go. But all of those things I just listed, come from yourself. Who cares why she responds? Who cares why she doesn't respond? Who cares why she looked in the direction of your house yesterday at 3:04 PM while picking up the newspaper outside? I mean, come on, this is getting rediculous. I love ya to death McGrupp, but it's time to get ahold of yourself. You've been dragging yourself through this nonsense for long enough. You have to have realized by now that you are better than all of this. And, if you haven't, then now is as good a time as any.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I know what you're saying Erica, but grief and heartbreak aren't nonsense, that word belittles all these horrible, intense, frightening feelings. I'd feel patronised if someone said my heartbreak or the fears and feelings which go with it was nonsense. I know our paranoia and scrutinising everything little thing sounds like nonsense, but to us it's a great deal and something we are trying to overcome and work on, it just doesnt help to be told it's nonsense. Anyway, sorry, I'm in the anger stage:laugh:
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I know what you're saying Erica, but grief and heartbreak aren't nonsense, that word belittles all these horrible, intense, frightening feelings. I'd feel patronised if someone said my heartbreak or the fears and feelings which go with it was nonsense. I know our paranoia and scrutinising everything little thing sounds like nonsense, but to us it's a great deal and something we are trying to overcome and work on, it just doesnt help to be told it's nonsense. Anyway, sorry, I'm in the anger stage:laugh: Do not get me wrong, i've been through heartbreak myself. I was torn into peices for awhile there. It becomes nonsense after there's been given ample time to grieve, heal, and move on. It becomes nonsense when everyone around you is extremely supportive, giving suggestions and advice, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. After awhile... there is no reason or excuse for why you are still hung up on an ex to the point that you would let it effect you in any way. Especially when you are a wonderful person. I understand the time needed to heal, it's different with everyone, but there comes a point where it turns into an extremely unhealthy cycle of... well... nonsense. Huuuuge difference between healing, and self-pitying/wallowing. Fine line, though.
Author McGrupp Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) It becomes nonsense after there's been given ample time to grieve, heal, and move on. It becomes nonsense when everyone around you is extremely supportive, giving suggestions and advice, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. After awhile... there is no reason or excuse for why you are still hung up on an ex to the point that you would let it effect you in any way. i just didnt keep up the challenge and been a bithc i would still have her. why did i become a wimp/pussy/bitch...now im single and i hate it! new girls dont match up...she was great in beauty and smarts and she still pick ups when i call being a bitch prolly to stroke her ego. so ill go NC now forever. i hope i hope i hope and yet im still being a bitch but not moving on, contacting her, writing on here, blah blah blah. like im so self aware and yet i cant do anything to put me forward in the right direction Edited January 22, 2010 by McGrupp
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i just didnt keep up the challenge and been a bithc i would still have her. why did i become a wimp/pussy/bitch...now im single and i hate it! new girls dont match up...she was great in beauty and smarts and she still pick ups when i call being a bitch prolly to stroke her ego. so ill go NC now forever. i hope i hope i hope and yet im still being a bitch but not moving on, contacting her, writing on here, blah blah blah. like im so self aware and yet i cant do anything to put me forward in the right direction McGrupp- Man, I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. You must first go into NC. What you don't know won't hurt you...as much. DO NOT CONTACT HER. FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET. This will accomplish 2 things: 1) It will help get yourself back. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT (be patient) 2) It will make her wonder what the hell happened to you, but it doesn't mean she will come back, but she will sure as hell have a lot more respect for you. It's hard man, but you can do it. I'm doing it and it's the hardest thing I've had to do. Okay, okay, so I'm belaboring over two butt-dials, but at least I'm not contacting her at all or following her on FB, etc. NC WORKS!!!!
Author McGrupp Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 i feel good though. pretty good. way better then i did. even breaking NC NYE, i still dont hate myself. i miss her vagina i think the most and her cooking. her laugh was nice too. but the vagina. i like those things.
EricaH329 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 i just didnt keep up the challenge and been a bithc i would still have her. Ok, but that's of no issue anymore. It hasn't been for what, the past 5 months? You understand your part in the relationship, now it's time to move past it. why did i become a wimp/pussy/bitch...now im single and i hate it! The only reason you hate it is because you haven't taken advantage of it. Sure, you've gone out with friends. But what was on your mind the whole time? Exactly. You should be taking this time to focus on yourself, no one else. Especially females. so ill go NC now forever. i hope i hope i hope Stop doubting yourself. All that does, is gives you a false sense of assurance once you break NC. You need to do it. Sure, there are a lot of things you can't control right now, such as your emotions, but there is one thing you can most certainly control. Yourself. like im so self aware and yet i cant do anything to put me forward in the right direction You don't care about yourself right now. Yeah, you are aware. You say that all the time in your posts, but that doesn't mean you care enough about yourself to take the appropriate actions towards healing. Why? Do you not think you are worth your own respect and love? You come into this world alone, and you go out of this world alone. And if you don't take care of yourself during the 'in between' time, then what are you doing??
Author McGrupp Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 good points erica. i am in a way better place. i really blame my work ( i know i do it all the time) but as soon as i get out and am able to do things i stop thinking about breaking NC and the rest. just sitting there all day by myself keeps me on LS and keeps me thinking about breaking NC. boredom basically. when i went away for 2 weeks i barely thought about her. just was living life, meeting people , etc.
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 just sitting there all day by myself keeps me on LS and keeps me thinking about breaking NC. boredom basically. when i went away for 2 weeks i barely thought about her. just was living life, meeting people , etc. Then you have to live life while you're at home...and please don't say that you can't...because that'd be crap... EDIT: Whoops...forgot to take into account your first paragraph...but you get the point...
EricaH329 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Boredom can lead to a lot of unhealthy choices. When I get bored, I eat, or drink, or turn into a bum and watch movies the entire time. Instead of using boredom as an excuse as to why it makes you want to contact her even more, dooooo something! Play video games, watch movies, read a book (all great ways of taking your mind off of your ex). Sometimes, when I get mad at my ex, i'll play GTA. Run around shooting a bunch of guys that i've all named after him . Do something in your spare time. If you are going to be doing something unhealthy, you might as well have a good time doing it, right!?
bananaboat11 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Boredom can lead to a lot of unhealthy choices. When I get bored, I eat, or drink, or turn into a bum and watch movies the entire time. Instead of using boredom as an excuse as to why it makes you want to contact her even more, dooooo something! Play video games, watch movies, read a book (all great ways of taking your mind off of your ex). Sometimes, when I get mad at my ex, i'll play GTA. Run around shooting a bunch of guys that i've all named after him . Do something in your spare time. If you are going to be doing something unhealthy, you might as well have a good time doing it, right!? Can you name the rich, sexy guy in the game after me?
EricaH329 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Can you name the rich, sexy guy in the game after me? Of course!!! We can name all of the prostitutes after your ex, how does that sound?
HeavenOrHell Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I spose it just makes me feel I shouldn't be the feeling the way I feel, like there's a time limit on grief, implies I should be over it by now or a lot better, makes me feel I'm a freak cos I'm still grieving, so there must be something wrong with me if I'm still grieving, maybe I'm going insane. It wouldn't be called nonsense if our partners had died. A friend of mine whose husband died says she thinks it is easier if the partner died rather than dumped, because they died loving you, but when you're dumped after a long term loving relationship, the feelings of abandonment, self worthlessness etc etc and the feeling of being in limbo, having hope (usually false) and all the horrible feelings connected to when they meet someone else are just horrific (in my experience). Do not get me wrong, i've been through heartbreak myself. I was torn into peices for awhile there. It becomes nonsense after there's been given ample time to grieve, heal, and move on. It becomes nonsense when everyone around you is extremely supportive, giving suggestions and advice, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. After awhile... there is no reason or excuse for why you are still hung up on an ex to the point that you would let it effect you in any way. Especially when you are a wonderful person. I understand the time needed to heal, it's different with everyone, but there comes a point where it turns into an extremely unhealthy cycle of... well... nonsense. Huuuuge difference between healing, and self-pitying/wallowing. Fine line, though.
sedgwick Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Sometimes, when I get mad at my ex, i'll play GTA. Run around shooting a bunch of guys that i've all named after him . HA!!! Maybe I'll drag out some Silent Hill and beat monsters with a 2x4 and name them all Joe.
EricaH329 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I spose it just makes me feel I shouldn't be the feeling the way I feel, like there's a time limit on grief, implies I should be over it by now or a lot better, makes me feel I'm a freak cos I'm still grieving, so there must be something wrong with me if I'm still grieving, maybe I'm going insane. It wouldn't be called nonsense if our partners had died. A friend of mine whose husband died says she thinks it is easier if the partner died rather than dumped, because they died loving you, but when you're dumped after a long term loving relationship, the feelings of abandonment, self worthlessness etc etc and the feeling of being in limbo, having hope (usually false) and all the horrible feelings connected to when they meet someone else are just horrific (in my experience). No no, like I said, the time needed to heal changes with every person. But as long as you aren't actively making it worse (breaking NC, wallowing), then you are on the right path. As far as them dying goes... I believe it would be worse. Personally, after a heartbreak, it hurts like hell (duh), but I eventually get to a point where all I want for them is happiness. I don't know what I would do if they were to die and I get to that point. I believe, it would only cause depression. HA!!! Maybe I'll drag out some Silent Hill and beat monsters with a 2x4 and name them all Joe. Yes!!! I feel a trend beginning....
HeavenOrHell Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I'm going on what I've heard some people whose partners or husbands have died and said they think it was easier for them than if their partner had stopped loving them, abandoned them, cheated on them, if they die still loving you the love is there forever, they avoid the heartbreak of rejection and the hoping of reconciliation. My partner hasn't died but I am depressed and I don't know when it will stop. Last time he left me I pretended to myself he didn't exist anymore as a way of coping and cutting myself off from pain because while he's in the world I still want him. But he still exists and the what ifs and the silly hope and the fear of him meeting someone else. No no, like I said, the time needed to heal changes with every person. But as long as you aren't actively making it worse (breaking NC, wallowing), then you are on the right path. As far as them dying goes... I believe it would be worse. Personally, after a heartbreak, it hurts like hell (duh), but I eventually get to a point where all I want for them is happiness. I don't know what I would do if they were to die and I get to that point. I believe, it would only cause depression. Yes!!! I feel a trend beginning....
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