broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Hey guys i posted this in the second chances section but havent got much help. Heres the link to my post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218104/ Some help and insight would be greatly appreciated.
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 You're in a tough predicament. You're young and those early years are about learning who you are. My suggestion would be to focus on yourself. If she's being demanding about the job thing, and you have a job, and she begins to complain about something else, then you need to tell her you need space. Tell her you love her and move on into NC. Women, and men, want a challenge. It sucks, even if you know her inside and out, but if she knows she can have you at any point, then it's easy for her to be demanding. Don't be a doormat!!!!
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks for the advice. I do not have a job and its something she bothered me about for a long time. I want one its just hard in these times. She didnt have one when she was in college so idk how she thinks she can rag on me for it but im willing to get one. I have been in no contact and i did tell her how i felt before. But why does she keep sending me these pointless texts? Shes done that 3 times now. I just want some good advice on how to show her i have changed. Ill admit we both werent the same people we were when we started dating, idk why it changed but i know it can go back to that way, since we broke up it was like a major awakening for me and i realized a whole bunch of things. I just want to show her before its to late. Today was a really really tough day.
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Okay, so she's sending you mindless texts? Or text that kinda' keep you around, but are non-committal types? Like, "I miss you" or "I hope you're having a good day" and then you respond and that's it. If it's anything like this then you are her training wheels. She keeps you for emotional support while she goes and enjoys her freedom. Don't give her this! My suggestion to you is only respond several hours later and reflect what she says, but dilute it. She knows she can have you at any time and you must not be so available. This, in short term, appears to be a game, BUT it will help your mindset in the long-run, by giving you some strength. If she says she misses you and that's the most she says, then say "thanks, I hope you're well" or something like that. You sound like you need to continue with NC to get yourself in a good place. You trying to get back together with her now would only make things worse. Your best chance is to move forward WITHOUT her and focus on YOU!!!! Does this make sense? Also, broncosfrk83, if you don't mind responding to my "Butt-Dial" thread I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 No she hasnt said anything about missing me...but text like how are you doin? and stuff like that. This month of being broken up has already taught me soo much and have made me realize what kind of person "I" let myself become. I feel she didnt have anything to do with me changing but it was my mistake. I plan on leaving her alone. Although idk what to do since i think she might try to contact me after she gets home from her trip, maybe not though. But like the last text she sent me was because my profile picture was of me and her dog that we got together and all she said was, " noticed ur profile pic. was of starsky (dogs name).....: / " Idk what the face was suppose to mean. But a few days before that she sent me the " how are u doing" text along with some small talk and i ignored it and after about an hour and a half she said" fine ignore me, thats cool too". So idk what to think if she does come back she has some making up to do thats for sure.
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 SHE FEELS SHE HAS ALL THE CONTROL. Just try and understand the nature of wanting what you can't have. Don't play games, but you must now understand that she is not a priority any longer. SHE ISN'T MAKING YOU A PRIORITY, IS SHE? The important thing for you right now is to not be her training wheels. She will attempt in many different ways to get you to respond. Just don't be so damn available to her. She needs to feel what it's like for you not to be there for her. Focus on finding a job. So she butt-dialed you huh? Did you call her back?
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I stayed on the phone and listened for awhile. But no didnt try to call untill the next day. Thanks for all the advice nomad. Im just going to wait till she contacts me and if she does im going to be distant. I know that if she truly wants me back she will let it be known wether with words or with actions. But it just sucks because i want her back but from what she has said and the way she has acted, i dont think thats going to happen. But i understand the whole if its meant to be let it go and it will come back.
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 There you go. Just focus on yourself and when she calls you just play it cool. Don't be mean, but don't be emotional. Just remember, NC is for you, not her. She will contact you again, but you must not give in. Her actions, not her words are what you must watch closely. She knows that you love her so let her go and if it's meant to be, then it will happen. Do you think she butt-dialed you on purpose? or just a coincidence?
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 (edited) I almost think she did it on purpose since she had never done it to someone before but who knows. What do i do if she asks to go out to eat? If she ever does? And i know the best advice it to continue my NC like i am and to work and focus on me, but is there anything else i should do to help get her back? Edited January 21, 2010 by broncosfrk83
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 If she contacts you, then you can contact her back, but a day later or hours later. If she asks you to go out, then make it on your time. Imagine this is a girl you aren't too excited to see. Get my point? When you see her, you don't bring up the past or the relationship. The idea is to show that you are fine without her. It will be hard as hell, but I suggest you write down the things you WILL NOT talk about. It's always good to have something planned an hour or so after you see her, so you tell her you must go. Let her come to you. If you force anything, she will pull back. Your other option is to tell her how you feel and that being friends is not an option. All or nothing, but this tends to just piss them off and it shows you haven't really moved on or grown. SO I DON'T SUGGEST THIS, but someone might and I wanted you to know my thoughts on it.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks. Its just weird because since we broke up she has been going out more and acting alot more happy. Like on facebook (which is the devil in a break up lol) she is always posting new stuff ans she never use to, and she is always using ! and smiley faces. Its like a stab to the already wounded heart that she seems to be having a blast and doesnt think about me at all and when she does its not in the missing me kinda way.
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 DUDE!!! NC means no FB!!!! You cannot watch her at all. NO CONTACT. It will drive you insane man!!! You will only assume the worst. Plus, she could very well be doing it to mess with you. Stay away from that crap. Fall off the face of the planet. That's what I did and I'm trying to decipher if these damn butt calls were her trying to get me to call her. I think they are and most of my friends think the same thing, but until (if it happens) she makes a legit reach, I will do absolutely nothing. And if she does, I can decide then what I want to do about it. I have chosen to set my girl free, but does it bother me? Do I hurt? Of course, but I don't look at her FB or Twitter or MS and I work on myself.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Dang bro nice advice. Yea in your case it seems ur girl was doing it on purpose to test the waters with u and to see if you would call back. Props for ignoring her bro. Uve been a big help to me. I am hurt but u kno what f*ck it. She wants to be like that its her loss not mine. Ive been eating better and running everday. Ive lost like 20 pounds in 3-4 weeks and i feel awesome about myself. Theres a Nickelback and breaking benjamin concert in april that we are both going to with a bunch of friends. I cant wait for her to see me then and she how bad she messed up. Once again thanks for the help it means alot to me right now.
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 No problem bro! That's what we're here for. No focus on yourself and by April you might not even care if she wants you or not. STAY FOCUSED ON YOU!!! Thanks for taking the time to chime in on my sitch. Appreciate it.
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