Forgotten Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 So someone told me to tyr this site and blow off some steam.. Lets see how it helps.. Basically I met this guy who I surprisingly clicked great with. We were only wanting to be friends and he had said that from the begining. Next thing I know we had grown very close in a month... I know this will all sound ridiculous, but it happens!!! So, then he decided to let me know he was going to go on a date with a girl and he wanted to elt me know. Well at first this didnt bother me, it shouldnt right?? Except we had begun hooking up and having a great connection. So I asked why since he wasnt wanting to date, he said the reason he didnt want to date was because he didnt want kids but knew how strongly I felt about that. I let him know that it was very soon to be thining like that and life can lead people in any direction but ifhe was going out with this girl and I could feel myself getting hurt I wanted to let him go and wished him luck.... The next AM I received several texts from him stating that he was sorry and thought about it all night and was willing to put that girl asie and focus on us and building a relationship.. I couldnt decide what tdo do... Finally after him begging I told him I would. He agreed to tell that girl he was in a relationship and not to meet up...He came over that night to apologize...This was about 2 months into us knowing each other and a month after hanging out every single day... Well about two weeks go by and I could see him pulling away a little.. so long story short he decided he wasnt sure he could give me 100 percent and because of his divorce a year before, wasnt sure he was ready or ever would be ready for a commitment. So the weekend went by and I was so sad. I let him know how selfish he was being and how much I cared.... We gave it another try. I saw small things that were leading me to believe he wasnt giving 100 persent.. Logged into a dating site, wanted to spend less time etc... So I called him talked to him and broke it off. He seemed upset and shed some tears.. but this was what he wanted right?He didnt argue the decision and kept saying how sorry he was and thta we should stay friends because we like doing the same things.. soooo about a week goes by and I decide to email him as I was getting sadder and sadder... After I sent the email, I found that as he was saying he was with his friend at a bar and couldnt read it, he was actually out of state hanging out with a girl.So with the effort of making this shorter we finally talked and I received some closer. Basically he wants to go out on dates but doesnt want anything serious. Feels like I am a great girl but he cant be serious.... So here we are.. About a month later and as I am pretty much over ihm, I miss my friend and thats all I want.. Is our friendship back or at least where we talk. This is a guy that knows more about me in a couple months then anyone in my life.... I know if he wanted to be friends he would make an effort right? I also know that being single is not where I want to be.... Everyone keeps telling me how pretty I amyet I go out and no guys hit on me.... I feel like slowly my self esteem has diminished after these past failed relationships and heartache... Why did I care about him so much so quick?? AHHH Theres more details that would make this clearer but I think this is long enough. Do you think we can ever be friends again? I texted him the other night saying hello, he responded and said hi and said he was watching a movie.. I asked if he would be against putting the past aside and hanging out.. All he said was not against it..... I am friends with all of ym ex's will this be the first one I cant?
stillafool Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 You say you miss your friend and that's all you want? I think you miss your lover. This guy got out of a divorce and met you and liked your connection. However, he see's there are lots of fish in the sea and doesn't want to immediately settle down because he knows what "marriage" is like. He wants to date around for a while before he settles down again and it doesn't sound like he wants kids. What do you want? It sounds like you are in the FWB category while he is dating this other chick and maybe others. I say let him go because you are going to get and are already hurt. I would suggest not to "hook up" with the next guy but let it evolve into a relationship before you sleep with him. If you take a casual approach to sex the guy usually takes a casual approach to you.
Zeegagge Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 This guy sounds like he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He's going to have ti figure out what makes him happy before he can make anyone else happy. He also sounds like he has a fear of commitment. I wouldn't worry too much about being friends. Are you sure you just want to be his friend? Thats not the same as being lovers, it's entirely different and can be weird and awkward. Esp. if one or both of you is seeing other people. I say hang out with your other friends and don't worry about what he's doing. Single life does kind of suck but everyone you see in a relationship with somebody amazing was also single at one point. It's just a transition really. Soon you will find someone who causes you to not even think about your ex! Just stay open and out there.
Author Forgotten Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 I realize that he wants to date around but its sad a friendship did not come of it. Im a little different than most people I think. When I want to get over someone and we hang out as friends and ONLY friends, I begin to realize that thats all it is.. Im not saying to hang all the time or even hang out at all right now... This guy knows more about me than ANYONE in my life... and I miss my friend.. Do I wish I could still date him, sure in a perfect world but the breakup was messy ayt the end and things were said on my behalf.... so he said hewanted time and space... Yet now Im tyring to make the friendship work.. something he begged for when I ended it yet it seems he is not responding well... He answers my texts but mybe its because he is just tyring to be nice, not because he cares to stay friends?!?! I wanna be able to be done with this whole thing... be able to go out with friends and have fun without him crossing my mind... ITs not happening!!!!
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