Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Ok, so i posted a thread in the dating section of this site regarding deciding whether or not to break up with my boyfriend of one year because he said he didn't know if he could love me back.

Well, about a week ago, we broke up. It was on good terms and we both said we wanted to remain friends since we have been for the past 5 years. Since then, everything has been fine. We talk once a day or every other day just to see how eachother's days are going since now we're both away and back at school (I usually wait for him to text/call me first). I thought this wasn't going to be so bad after all and I didn't have much of a reason to be upset anymore. However, I realized this was only because things haven't changed much since we broke up. I know this seems silly, but today I decided to go on facebook and look at his profile, and I saw he put his relationship status as single and I completely broke down. I guess the break up didn't hit me because things weren't very different, until I saw it written out in front of my face. Now I feel like I shouldn't be talking to him normally as friends. I actually have no idea what to do. I just find myself crying and crying and wishing we were still together and hating myself for making this choice.

I don't really know what question I'm trying to ask here, I guess I'm just looking for advice.

Thanks

Posted

Hey allicangive- Does he know how you feel about him? I'm assuming so. If this is the case, then just being friends will only tear you up further. You must not allow yourself to be in this position. NC is the only way to go.

  • Author
Posted

yes he knows how I feel, but the break up was also more mutual and I agreed we should move on and meet other people, even though in my heart I knew I still wanted to be with him. I thought about suggesting we not talk and that has worked in the past for a couple months while we're at school, but the problem is allll of our friends are mutual friends and it's basically impossible not to see eachother for more than about two months if we tried.

Posted

You need to realize that if he feels that he wants to be single, then you can't be his emotional support during this time...a crutch. OR as many people call it, training wheels. Here is what I suggest...he knows how you feel and he now considers himself single. You have 3 choices:

1) continue to be friends (not recommended)

2) give him a letter telling him you can't be friends because you love him still then go into NC (I only suggest this if you feel he needs to know why you are doing this) otherswise...

3) ...go right into NC without an explanation.

 

If it's option 2 or 3, then you need to be firm and steadfast with it.

 

Does this help?

 

Also, if you get a chance would you mind responding to my "Butt-Dial" thread. It's a little below yours. I'd appreciate it. :)

  • Author
Posted

Thanks, nomad, that's really helpful. I think I'm just kind've in shock/denial of the whole thing still and continuing to talk to him is a way to avoid facing the truth. I think I'll go with choice two because I know if I go straight into NC, he wouldn't understand and would probably hunt me down or something thinking something happened to me or I lost my phone haha

 

Thanks for all your help :)

Posted

If it really tears you up, I would let him know that you still have these feelings and it is bothering you. Therefore, communicating to him so much would not help you further. If you are still not over someone you can't just jump back into the friend area. I would cut contact a little until you feel ready to let him know that its bothering you and staying friends would only complicated things for you.

  • Author
Posted

thank you for your replies.

 

Ok so last night I told him that I needed some time not talking to him so I can get over my feelings and we can have a normal friendship. He replied with " If that's what you want, I'll do whatever it takes. Let me know when you want to talk again." I didn't reply, but it made me so angry. I was expecting him to argue or something, but to me this just means that he doesn't ever think we'll get back together. I don't even think we've gone more than a week without talking in the past 5 years..and it's only been a day and it seems so hard already. I know this is the best for us cause I can see if he actually misses me over the course of this time, but the way he responded with such ease frustrated me to no end! ughhhh why does he do this to me??

Posted

Share your feelings with him so he knows where you stand. Do not get angry if you don't get the reaction you want at first. Be calm, speak your peace, listen to his response, and then take action for your emotional well being. Give him plenty of space and time to consider his loss.

 

Just don't pause your life. Do things to make YOU happy and take care of yourself. :)

×
×
  • Create New...