LonelyGuy85 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I have been trying to become friends with the people i work with. We have gone out a few times at the end of last year, but since then it has been really dry, although we did go to the cinema once. I have been trying to do things with them, but they constantly flake out on me, i think all in there must have been 5 occassions since the start of January where nothing has transpired. Ordinarily i wouldn't think much of it, but seeing as these same people have invited me out a few times in the past, it's slightly confusing how they no longer want to do stuff outside of work, especially one girl in particular whom i have been out with on a few seperate occasions and have met some of her friends. I have told other people about this and they have responded by telling me not to take it personally and that people have busy lives, which i completely understand, but when they flake out on me for nothing, how can i not take it personally. I'll give you an example: We were going to go the cinema one night, at lunch one of them said that they aren't going to go anymore and, of course, the other pulled out as well. I understand with one of them as they live quite far away, but when i asked the other what they did last night, the response was 'oh, i didn't do anthing' Really? So they flaked out because they were busy doing nothing! How can i not take that personally?
carhill Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Try this. Take it personally and use those feelings to erect healthy boundaries. Black-hole, without malice or prejudice, people who breach them. If they don't care, your dearth of presence and friendliness/love is healthy and appropriate. They're just part of the landscape. I like trees
Disillusioned Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Carhill is right. Those people in your life need to figure out that if they want a friend, they have to BE a friend.
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 It might be my breath My teeth definitely like to complain about it. But seriously, it has me confused, if they remained distanced from myself and didn't do anything with me then i would read that sign loud and clear and continue on as normal without trying to make this into a friendship, but when they actually invite me out a few times, then suddenly stop, but still remain friendly with me in work, i was confused as to why that happened. At first i thought it was because i am too passive and usually don't really initiate things, but i turned over that leaf and have tried to do a few things with them outside of work, but they seem to flake out on any plans i make. I can't understand what it is, why suddenly change? I haven't done anything different, or offensive to any of them, yet here i sit, alone, with no plans for the weekend beyond moping around depressed. I agree with you, they need to BE my friends instead of seeming like they could be, if it seems to be fizzling out then maybe i should just cut them from my life completely, as at the moment the more i see them, the more i annoyed i get by it all.
Mary3 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I think its pretty simple. They invited you out and for whatever reason did not enjoy your company ( honestly not trying to be mean ) but then after that- they are polite at work -but have no further interest in hanging out. I could be wrong. But I don't want to sugarcoat it. Work is work. Keep your life seperate of that...
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Mary3, if it were just once then i would completely agree with you and say that they just didn't like me, however, they have invited me out on a few occasions, maybe half a dozen times at least, not just the once, so i can't understand what has changed since then.
Mary3 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Mary3, if it were just once then i would completely agree with you and say that they just didn't like me, however, they have invited me out on a few occasions, maybe half a dozen times at least, not just the once, so i can't understand what has changed since then. Some weird rumor about you maybe ? I surely don't know....work friends can be flakey at best...stick with outside long time friends....
Ronni_W Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 We were going to go the cinema one night, at lunch one of them said that they aren't going to go anymore and, of course, the other pulled out as well. In this particular case, it sounds as if there were just 3 of you to begin with. It's possible that, when one backed out, the other would have felt uncomfortable going out just the two of you. Was it a girl, by any chance? Even if not, maybe your workmates are more of the "pack" variety and not into doing things just in twos?
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Yeah, on that particular day it was just 3 of us and they were both girls, but i have been out with them to the cinema before and on top of that i have been out a a few times with just one of the girls. I can understand that day more than any other because the girl that pulled out was the one i have done things with it being just her, but the other i haven't, plus i know the other that didn't has a boyfriend and so i completely understand why she wouldn't want to do it with just me and her. I get that, i just don't get why people flake out when they have nothing else planned at all and literally do nothing at home instead. Why bother making plans if you are only going to flake out?
citygal1 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Sometimes people can be flakes due to reasons that have nothing to do with you. They got "cold feet". They are fickle etc.
Recommended Posts