i'm dy-ing inside.. ..

[bbrooke]

I feel like Dying… I’m dying inside.. I feel like someone has poured acid in my stomach..

 

A year ago, I met my match.. my soulmate.. my Best Friend.. He was everything I wanted. We hit it off from the beginning and never looked back… I was divorced already a year.. He was not.. Just separated.. 6 months in.. he got divorced.. We shared everything together..I felt confidant that he was over her and ready to have a life with me

 

We each have kids.. I have 3, he has 2.. my kids are young, his kids are older.. (preteen).. We had our kids the same weekends… but we rarely did anything together, as a family, we spent our time alone with our kids… We talked everyday from the day we met.. we texted all day, everyday.. We were in love.. we told eachother every chance we got how much we loved each other.. he told me he loved me EVERY SINGLE DAY… either on the phone or in a text.. I trusted him completely with my heart.. I had no reason not to.. he professed his love for me everyday.. told me I was his soul mate, his best friend.

 

My intuition kicked in around October and I felt like he was pulling away.. but he assured me that I was making it up.. nothing was wrong.. But he didn’t fight for me.. I wanted him to fight for me… there were Red flags popping up everywhere.. but I was too blind to see them… Fast Forward to New Years Eve 2009, He asked me at dinner if my ex ever wanted me back and if I had thought about going back.. I told him no.. He told me that he and his ex wife had been texting all day and she couldn’t stop crying and wanted him to come home… I didn’t feel threatened, after all, he LOVED me.. because he told me.. He was in a bad mood all night.. we had a little argument.. probably our first one because he was in such a bad mood.. We made up , next day, everything is normal.. for the most part… fast forward a week later.. He saw his ex on Monday during the day.. my Intuition kicked in OVERDRIVE.. I didn’t make a big deal of it or say anything.. but I somehow knew.. He told me that night he needed some space to figure out why he was in a bad mood all the time.. I said ok.. left him alone… next day I needed answers.. and he gave them to me… He told me he didn’t love me anymore.. and that he hadn’t for a while.. I was devastated.. I cried for four hours on the phone , pleading to him not to do this to me.. PLEASE don’t.. He finally had to hang up on my because I would not hang up the phone.. I was traumatized.. I cried all day and all night until I couldn’t cry anymore. I have not made any contact with him and it’s been almost 9 days.. I’m dying inside.. how could someone go from “I love you” everyday.. to “ I don’t love you anymore”…. I should add that on that Sunday before this happened.. we took all our kids out for an activity.. it was a lot to handle.. his kids may be jealous of mine because mine are so young and they just love him.. they don’t understand he is someone else’s Dad..

 

My intuition is telling me he went back to his Ex.. But I don’t know.. he told me he wasn’t, but I don’t believe him.. I don’t know what to believe anymore.. I’m dying.. I don’t think I can find out the truth.. it will hurt so bad.. Someone please tell me he’s coming back…. PLEASE.. tell me he is coming back to me…

[GrayClouds]

I am very sorry for your pain. It is very hard when someone turn out not to be who they seem to be. I know your reaction is to get him back and fill that hole but look closely. Is he a person you can trust? Is he a person that freely communicates his thoughts? Is he someone who works on issues or run from them? This guy does not seem to deserve your love.

 

Take care of yourself and your children, they deserve your love.

 

Keep posting.

[gaudi]

I too am sorry for your loss. Heartache hurts like nothing I know. The situations we are forced to live through are sometimes seemingly unbearable, but eventually, with hope, we realise the other side is within reach, in most cases we have to.

 

I can feel from what you've posted that this is tearing you apart, but I would encourage you to please try and hold it together for the sake of your young children. They are the centre of your world. It would do them no good to see their Mum so broken up.

 

Only a few weeks ago, I too felt I was dying inside, so far, I'm still here.

 

And we all are here for you. Whenever you need us.

[bbrooke]

I didn't even get a goodbye.. for the year that i spent with him.. I got nothing.. and i have to try to pick up the pieces and dye while he gets to just move on and not worry about how bad off i am right now.. i just don't understand.. help me understand..

[gaudi]

brooke I only wish I understood what our hearts/minds/souls go through when we are in situations such as this. I don't have the answer for what we're supposed to do.

I do believe you need to leave him be for now. I understand he is in your thoughts constantly, but please don't try telling him how you feel while you are like this. It does neither party any good.

 

Again I implore you to just keep the kids as your centre of attention, your world, your universe. They deserve you and all of your love. Don't let them see their mum like this. I know all the pain is inside, but brave face on the outside for them please....

[sedgwick]

I didn't even get a goodbye.. for the year that i spent with him.. I got nothing

 

It sounds like you got a four-hour phone conversation out of him, which is so much more than what many of us got. I got a "You're just not a musician," and never saw him again. What did he say in that conversation if not goodbye?

[Fitness Dude]

I feel for you Brooke but know you're not alone. There are so many of us in here who've gone through the same thing, and like myself, still are.

 

It's been a few months for me and I'm still struggling to cope when the "bad" times hit me. It's a slow go for sure, painstakingly slow in fact, I'm so sorry to say.

 

Posting on here has definately helped me at times, and on other times, it's actually hurt being here. Everyone's different but I know from my own experience that you have to be strong and try to go "no contact" right away. It's the one thing I would love to have a chance to do over again. I don't know for sure if it woud have worked but it had to be better than what I did.

 

Be strong, trust me I know it's hard. Keep posting and believing. It will help you and everyone else here to hear from you.

[sharkhunter]

Someone please tell me he’s coming back…. PLEASE.. tell me he is coming back to me…

 

 

 

I feel so bad for you. I am going thru the same hell you are right now.

I know it's impossibe to do, but try not dwell on him "coming back"

No one can know the answer. I know just how feel though, I would do most anything to get my girl back. Hang in there. You are going to be ok.

[Always A Lesson]

Brooke,

are you SURE he's divorced? He sounds sooooo confused! He definitely loves you, but I think the exW probably laid an emotional game on him, which confused him. What's important for you is to hang in there, and get yourself together, it's gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done. You must work on you and go through the stages of your pain. NC is a must!

 

 

There is no continuity to this guy, he loved so har,d then Pooof, it's gone????? Somethings up!

[RedDevil66]

I feel your heartache. I'm sorry for this pain

 

It's possible he didn't heal from his break up with his wife. Men seem to date on the rebound to sooth the pain. It doesn't mean he didn't love you, it means he just wasn't ready.

[counterman]

I feel for you, Brooke.

 

Sometimes people say things they think they feel but when it comes to showing it, they can't. In this case, he did say he loved you and of course you would trust him. But, did he show it? It seems like he didn't when he didn't fight for you as you said. Communication is very important. If he couldn't communicate how he was really feeling than that would have been an issue later on, if you got closer to him so consider this a blessing in disguise that you two didn't commit to something that you might have had to end because of his communication problem.

 

Would he work on the issues in the relationship with you? That's a question you have to ask yourself.

 

Chances are if you feel there were heaps of red flags, you should trust them. Trust you intuition sometimes.

 

This guy doesn't deserve your love and attention. I know when he told you he didn't love you for some time it hurt extremely, but your children still need you. So, love them and focus on yourself and them.

[dazzle22]

I think what is the most upsetting about such situations is you feel your life is going well, and you have a grip on reality, and suddenly everything falls apart and it is like that happy world was an illusion. Big rug pulled out..

 

Of course you want him back, but I think you also want to know WHY? Was there something about the day with all the kids that really went badly? Do you think he suddenly couldn't see all of you together? How young are your kids? Maybe he got hit between the eyes about the responsibility of young children and didn't want that again. And obviously the ex is ramping up to get him back apparently....

[sharkhunter]

you will be ok Brooke

[cheeze]

Im so sorry that you are going through all this bbrooke. It is really strange the way people behave. The way they heartlessly throw away all the love that we confer on them. A number of us on this forum completely identify with what you are feeling. We all have, at one time or the other, misplaced our trust and suffered due to it.

 

Believe me, we all want you to hang on and bravely face this loss.

 

He told me that he and his ex wife had been texting all day and she couldn’t stop crying and wanted him to come home… I didn’t feel threatened, after all, he LOVED me.. because he told me..

 

This happened with me too. My ex was saying that he would leave, but I just didnt believe him after all he LOVED me! But love is really a strange word. Now I know he loved himself more than me and now I feel stupid to have closed my eyes... rather ears... to what he was saying.

 

How long since he had broken up with his ex? maybe you were just a rebound?

 

My intuition is telling me he went back to his Ex.. But I don’t know.. he told me he wasn’t, but I don’t believe him.. I don’t know what to believe anymore.. I’m dying.. I don’t think I can find out the truth.. it will hurt so bad.. Someone please tell me he’s coming back…. PLEASE.. tell me he is coming back to me…

 

Please don't kill yourself thinking he will come back. If he had to he wouldnt leave. If he had to he would be back by now. You have already spoken to him and it didnt help. Every time you ask him to return you stroke his ego all the more. DON'T DO IT. You have already given all of yourself to this man..now is the time you should do something for yourself and your kids.

Btw I am sure he will come back. Only to check if you are still missing him or not! Or to give you some reasons of why he left you. But by then you need to be stronger.

 

Just hang on bbrooke. Cry if you need to. Post on this forum as much you want. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Just DON'T let him see your pain because he won't understand.

 

>>>> lots of hugsss <<<<<