brock9911 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 i know my ex has affected me in ways i couldnt have imagined...she literally turned my life upside down with her antics. its been almost 9 months now and im still struggling soo hard to be positive. all i do is dwell on everything. i cant be satisfied with small things that make most people happy. i finally open up and have feelings for another girl and shes not looking to rush things...take it slow. this after 3 dates, a hook up and what possibly looked like a decent thing was gonna emerge from this...she is constantly on my mind. i cant block it out, and i dont want to be overbearing or pushy so i keep my distance and dont bother her...and deep down i feel like nothing is going to come of this now, and its someone i genuinly like... i dont know i wish i had a heart of stone...i wish i didnt feel, or grow attatched or have these emotions...its torturous
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 So, you're not 'truly Living', are you? Any idea why you keep sinking your own boat, in shark-infested waters, at all....? maybe you should talk to someone about this. professionally. You need a bereavement counsellor, or similar, because you're in mourning, but you can't let go, you're stuck and you do need to move on.
Howitzer Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Professional therapy can really help. At least, it's worth giving a shot.
McGrupp Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 i think you need to LET GO. easier said then done, but google how to. it takes work. but its what got me over the hump. just saying its over shes not coming back, i dont have any animosity towards her, i wish her the best. my ex ruined a really great girl for me. she now has a new bf (the rebound) so take advantage and dont let your ex take any more of your life. also how long you been NC? if i recall you went to the movies with her like not to long ago, right? **** that!
Author brock9911 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 im going back to my psychiatrist on monday to renew some medication...i will ask for some references to some psychologists...i really dont want my past relationship to ruin this...this girl is someone i had a thing for way back in high school and is now back in my life. i want to be patient, but somethings eating at me. and she had asked me to go to the movies...i told her no. i didnt want to rehash old feelings...i havnet spoken to her since christmas which was a sh*t show...saying that y cant we get back together and work things out...and how i was the reason she cheated. that i wasnt there for her and she was lonely...i guess if u cant take blame for your actions its best to blame everyone else. way to make me feel like sh*t
carhill Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 OP, if I'm reading correctly and you were cheated on by your ex and you are still processing that trauma and the death of the R and evidently have still been in contact with her, I'd suggest not 'dating' this new lady and work through your own stuff first. I would, without going into details, communicate that to her, and show her your value her and want to be a whole partner. If there's a connection between you, she will respect that. Regardless, do your work. IMO, if you've been dating since your breakup without an extended period of alone time to process your trauma, you will get stuck in a loop. Tell me, when you went off your meds, did things seem more 'real'? Are you afraid of some aspects of how you felt while on medication? Give it time. If the trauma is profound, it could take a couple years, hopefully less. We're all different. BTW, if your heart was stone you could never feel joy. Bad deal
Template Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I hear what you are saying man. I myself is still an emotionless mess even though I'm basically over my ex (don't think about her, and don't really care what she doing). Like the song says, "I have and icebox where my heart used to be." I think its a natural part of moving on. Sometimes you have to be "away" from who your are to truly appreciate who you once was, and strive to be that person and more.
Author brock9911 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 honestly when we broke up i was kinda relieved from all of the fighting we did...i mean it got excessive. and i myself was still dealing and still am grieving over my fathers passing. and she seemed more content with getting what she wanted instead of consoling me. when we broke up i was on my medication and went on the all out single mode. i stopped my medication cuz i felt good and all. but after a few months of nothing my dwelling and anxiety and mood swings were in full tilt...still are. i just got back on them 3 weeks ago...well one of them (lexapro) the one that is supposed to deal with the anxiety and ocd. but i still dont have my medication for the mood swings....i feel like a damn joke. all this medication and disatisfaction in life and there are people out there with much greater problems. my key now is to get professional help. im so stubborn and neglected the fact that i do need someone to talk to besides my friends who dont know how to deal with the problems i have...and this girl is something else, i really dont want to blow it so this is why iv backed off from persuing her so hard. but shes on my mind alllll the time
carhill Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 this girl is something else, i really dont want to blow it so this is why iv backed off from persuing her so hard. but shes on my mind alllll the time Have you communicated any of your personal backstory to her? By that I mean your dynamic, not what happened with your ex. How you feel; your plan for recovery. Again, if she's interested and there's a connection, with communication, you can transit this period. If there is no connection, then at least you've been honest and sympathetic to the balance of responsibility. IME, and I managed psych meds for a person in my care for four years, it takes awhile for them to balance out. With a cocktail, and I was dealing with four drugs at one point, it can take a couple of months to clearly experience the effects of changes. I'd get in to see the psychiatrist at my earliest possible convenience. Listen to him or her when he/she tells you to not stop your meds when you're 'feeling better'. Contact him/her first. Get a referal to a psychologist for adjunct therapy. Lastly, even though you haven't said it directly, I can sense that you think you're 'weak' for not being able to handle this alone. Stow that. One, you have a ton of company and you're not alone and, two, part of being healthy is asking for help. It'll work out
Author brock9911 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 thanx...yeah its kinda odd...she just asked me out on a date a few minutes ago. to go get some sushi...i never had it so itll be an experience...now my anxiety is running wild again. this girl does something to me i havent experienced with others...kinda odd. i know i mention my ex, but i kinda use that as a back bone story to explain how iv gotten to where i am right now in life. i dont think about her, nor do i really dwell on the us factor anymore. i think shes just affected my judgement with how i handle myself and others. and yeah my self esteem has gone to sh*t. not that its been high to begin with. tonight im gonna talk to her, seriously. explain who i am for real with all of the joking aside and let her know the kind of person i am. i dont want to lead her into thinking that im some saint or what have you. i want to explain i get anxiety, that i think alot, i dont want her scared off when it happens...wow she really has my mind running
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