hellopeople Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 My bf of 5 months dumped me a few days ago. I was devastated. I didn’t even see it coming, We had hung out the night before and he said I was amazing, beautiful, and made him happy. But then he said I was everything he wanted in a girl, still liked me, but couldn’t date me right now, even though he wants to. He told me he’s too immature right now and scared of commitment. He pretty much verbally attacked me. I hurt so bad because everything had been going great and then out of the blue he ended it. And even worse, he was crying in my arms. I told him to let me help him, not as a gf, but as a friend. I asked him to work on it. To try and work things out – to which he replied no, he couldn’t. I asked him to give it some time. I asked him to change his mind. He said he couldn’t even though he wanted to. I told him that whereas I fight for the things I want, it seemed like he wasn’t even fighting for this, just gave up. He told me he hadn’t – he had thought over it. He kept saying “I don’t wanna break up because you’re amazing. But I feel like it’s the right thing.” He contradicted everything. He kept saying he was so sorry as he was sobbing in my arms saying I must hate him, to which I replied I could never hate him. He had to do what made him happy, and even if I wanted him to change his mind and think it over, he had to do what felt right. My heart broke as I said this, but that’s ultimately what I want – for him to be happy even if it tears me up. I told him I would have to learn to accept his decision even if it killed me inside. That I was stupid for hoping he would change his mind. I told him I might not be around when he’s ready, to which he replied “Then I’m going to have to live with that mistake.” He said he valued and really wanted my friendship, but I told him that’s something he couldn’t have since he wasn’t even willing to try and work things out. After some more tears from both of us, he left – without saying goodbye. When I got home, I deleted him as a friend on facebook – after I changed my status to single. I deleted him on my phone. I deleted all the texts he sent me. I deleted all his wall posts and the ones I had posted on his wall. I deleted his email. I cut all ties. I put all the stuff he had given me in a box and threw it out. My heart hut so badly. Mostly because if I had been what he wanted, why did he let me go and not even fight for it? Why had he said he didn’t want it to end, but proceeded to do it anyway? And worst off, I was completely blindsided. So, my question is, did I act to hastily with deleting him and all? I mean, he’s always updating his stats. ALL THE TIME. And I honestly didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to see pictures or videos. But a part of me wants to believe that when he sees how much he misses me, he’ll come back but because I deleted him, he’ll feel like I’ve moved on and not even try to work it out. But then another part of me says that he won’t and that cutting all ties, even if it seemed immature (actually the way he handled the situation was the most immature part) was the best thing. I’m just second guessing everything – why he broke up with me (he’s honestly a really, really, busy guy), and whether I acted out of anger. What do you think?
Silver_star Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 You are pretty strong to have cut him out of your life for good. I think it was a very smart decision. Although you have great memories...he hurt you (whether he intended to or not) and he was likely planning this in his head and bit by bit emotionally detaching himself from you a little bit at a time in the relationship, while you were blindsighted. Not fair. And not very "friend" like. So, i think it was wise that you deleted him, and your knee jerk reaction was what most of us wish we had the balls to do at the beginning too. It will save you heartache later. Think of it it this way...if he does realize that it was a mistake and want you back (which i dont think u should consider it sounds like he is one of those guys that will never figure himself out and keep running back and forth between you and other girls) BUT if he does think it was a mistake and realizes he wants to be with you..you deleting him from facebook and your phone wont stop him from contacting you. So stnad your ground. You have come out looking like gold being all sensitive and understanding while still protecting yourself and that shows self respect and self discipline. While he came out looking like a mess crying and not knowing what he wants and throwing away thte best thing that ever happened to him. You'll be fine
HLP234 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I agree that you did the right thing. You tried all you could and now you will have no regrets. I was the same with my ex, I wanted to work it out because I love her but she just didn't want to think about that. I didn't do what you did and it only hurt me later...including now. She has someone else so day by day I get rid of every memory piece by piece. As you see, it was their choice for not thinking logically and considering your feelings in this situation. When someone wants to put effort and the other person is being stubborn and selfish, you will not get anywhere. Its like talking to a wall or going back and forth which just leaves more questions and pain. Keep doing what you are doing and don't talk to him or care about what he is up to. This was his choice, he should get back to you if he has anything to say.
LovelyDaze Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 You are an LS hero, girl! Keep him deleted. Many exes have been known(including some of mine) to return later and no matter what you've deleted or blocked...they will find a way if they want to contact you. I got the courage to delete my ex from my phone, Facebook, MySpace and blocked him from my e-mail also. Still? He came over to my house to ask me for another chance...while he was still engaged to the new girl! Needless to say, I said no but like you, I still wish he was the same guy I thought I fell in love with. After a break up, the relationship can NEVER be the same. Oh, you can reunite, but it rarely works since the same issues still linger in the air very heavy. Make sure you get moving on with your own life. You can't lose. If he never comes back, you don't waste time being that psycho ex-GF always trying to get him back and if he DOES come back, then you can show him how strong you are and have him realize that he lost a good woman. His loss.
Author hellopeople Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Thank you everyone. Your words of encouragement have really helped me in dealing with this right now. I am keeping busy, or at least trying. It's just hard because I've run into some of his friends. But when I see them I wear a huge smile, tell them I'm doing great and that I'm super busy with college. I know with time i'll be able to breath again, but sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to then.
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