paddington bear Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Yeah this guy is classic. It's funny how people like this all follow the same pattern, it's like they've got some invisible rulebook in their head of how to keep you around for sex, with promises that their feelings might change at some unspecified point in the future, and then when you don't like that, they blame you (I was told I had 'issues' when I said that this dangling on a string thing wasn't making me happy). Meeting him will give him an opportunity to twist what he knows is his problem or issue into being yours, because he doesn't want to be wrong, or doesn't want to see himself as a bad guy. Don't meet him, it will serve no good. Meerkat and Tara are right. Listen to them. And on the closure thing. You think having that talk, writing that letter etc brings it. But from personal experience, it doesn't. Takes time to get that and it does come from within.
littlebittle Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 yeah, i would just move on; he doesn't sound worth your time in the long run. even if he did want a relationship down the road, he's really getting off to a bad start. find someone who is willing to make time for you and appreciate you for you.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 It's nice to see that even though you are in pain, you do have a clear perspective on what is going on with him. I have workaholic tendencies and am surrounded with people who also are workaholic and career oriented. Believe me when I say we often use work as an excuse to distance ourselves from emotional situations. So this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him putting up walls. I have a hard time believing a man who is so focused on his work as to delay a mature relationship will miraculously open-up emotionally once he has less work to do. Workaholics always find more work and more 'urgent' priorities that allow us to delay relationships. And just a note: bf works 80 hours a week and still manages to contact me and make me feel special (most of the time...). So don't settle for less then feeling loved.
Author TO_Girl Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) Thanks guys for all the support that you have given me, seriosuly it has been great because I admit that even though he is not a genuine guy I still liked him and well ... it hurts So this is what happened.. He said he would call me on Sunday to let me know about our possible Wednesday reunion, I was planning on telling him no thanks, this is it. He never called on me Sunday and on Monday morning he sent me a text saying "Hey X ! Good morning, I'm still looking into pushing that training, how was your weekend" At this point I was sooo upset, because really.. you want to have a conversation to try to look for alternatives and you do it following the same pattern of flakiness , at least if yoyu want to try and you say you are going to do something then do it.. So I just told him " Hey don't move your stuff around, we are done, but if you really want closure a phone conversation will do as well " I didn't think a meeting would have been the most appropoate thing to do. And I havent heard from him since....I think I hurt his ego. Edited February 2, 2010 by TO_Girl
D-Lish Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Well I think you are dealing with this in the right way. He sounds like my ex. He didn't want anything serious, but he couldn't do the right thing and let me move on either. More than a year later, he still tries to speak with me like nothing's wrong. The more I resist, the more he pursues. I think it's highly amusing that when you asserted yourself and took yourself out of the mix, he started to back peddle. It's all about him having control, and when you walked, he lost that control over you. Don't mistake that as an opening for a second chance- because it's about his ego, not a desire to reconcile. I'm proud of you for how you handled things, as hard as it might be, you have to remain consistent. Don't accept his demands for a meeting or a closure talk- it will set you back.
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Ignore, ignore ignore. Give him nothing to cling his hook to. Even the slightest acknowledgement - other than "Why don't you just phukk off?" - will keep him irritating you like a nasty, insidious little rash.... In the end, you'll end up hating him, if he doesn't quit. He's already showing himself in colours you don't really like all that much.....
Author TO_Girl Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 The end to my story...! Guys guys guys!!! I can't believe this..please keep reading. So he kept calling me and asking me for a chance to fix things, he left me a message saying that he could see me on Monday if I wanted to talk because he was* busy on the weekend* So I didnt respond and he kept insisting, last message he sent me was that he wished me agood weekend and we will talk about Monday. So today I woke up and I was doing my own thing, went to my email to delete all his stuff and as I was deleting one of the emails I saw a link to his twitter account, I have never seen it so I clicked on it and I started reading, after a while I found the picture of a really cute shoe as a profile pic so I cliked it to see the shoe ( I love shoes ) and it was the profile of a girl who had a link to her facebook...dont ask me why I clicked the link and I found that her profile pic was one of her hugging him!!!!!!! And all over her wall "I am going to visit my baby thsi weekend" "I miss my baby" " Spending New Years with my baby"" ..he had added her on facebook as well and he lied to me saying he didnt have facebook. I got so mad that I sent him a messge saying, I know you are lying to me please stop calling me or contacting me, next time I will call the police as this will be considered to be harrasment. Then he calls me and YELLS at me saying why do I get mad, we had nothing and he has no right to tell me what he is doing and we havent talked in 2 weeks, why would he feel bad and he admited that she was going to visit him on the weekend and even said " Shut up X I wont let you talk this is not the time, I will spend the weekend with her and after that I will talk to you on Monday , if you keep talking I will hang up on you " ..... and he hanged up on me! So I was so mad , I went back to the girls profile pic , sent her a message saying, just want to let you know that we are being lied on, we just called me and was trying to work things out with me , please tell him to leave me alone and if I were you I wouldnt believe his excuses". She never replied to me and I never heard from him. On my side this is it but Im in shock...I dont know what to say and I cant believe his attitude and arrogance, tell me that he has no right to tell me what he is doing, that he will spend the weekend with her and see me on Monday to talk!!!!!!!!!!! I dont know if I handled this the right way, I was in such shock and still am... my friend told me I shouldnt have written her a message..but I felt I had the right to let her know as I would like to be told ..right ? I just hope he never ever calls me again and I cant believe how one thing led to the other and I found out, but I feel disgusted, and used ..Is the first time that something like this happens to me and I just dont know how to feel anymore.I feel devastated and I feel like I want to punch him and I want justice...but what is fair in this life? I bet he convinced her and now they are enjoying their weekend together...its not fair. He had no right to treat me like that. No right to get away with things.... Anyone been through this? Im feeling so bad and Im in need of confort words.
TaraMaiden Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Read my post #31 again. Then - DO IT!! Kick him to the kerb, let him lie in the gutter, face down, sucking up the crap that's there, because that's where he lives, and where he deserves to stay. He's a creep, a jerk and a cheater. He's a control-freak and a natural player. So, so glad you are out of this, honey! So glad you feel the way you do! do not let him yank you around, any more! you've cut the ties, and now - he can do what the hell he likes - because you're not his business any more! (and don't keep checking up on him. It's over. He's History. He's an EX. He can do as he chooses. Just not with you. because he's not worth the effort, even....!) Next time he calls - and you can bet he will - YOU hang up! And keep hanging up, and never let the loser in, again!!!
Author TO_Girl Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Thanks Tara. I was in denial yesterday but today I'm able to see the situation as is. I can't believe I was falling for his trap, how knowing he had someone else for a few months by then, he approached me and tried to keep me as a second dish. I felt slapped at the fact that she lives far far away and he was given her more time than me ... hence his "Im busy " excuse... I was only his sex dish for the weekend, this is why he could never open up to me and he never had a word of affection, he had it all planned, he just wanted my meat. And what is worse is that I gave it to him, biggest leson of my life learnt. Biggest lesson. And even when I wanted to back off he kept calling me to try to fix things between us.. how he knew he was with her all this time and I have been sleeping with a man that had another sexual partner..I feel so dirty as I don't like to date the muti date scenary.. How he dared to tell me to shut up and hang up on me , to let him enjoy his weekend treat and he will get back to me on Monday... I have soooooo much anger inside so much anger... I just need to let this out. And what's worse, the girl believed him.. hence giving him the power to continue doing this things to her and getting away with things.....and this is why guys get away with things.. because we "girls" let them do this to us, because we are so desperate at times that we only believe what we want to believe. I had a gut feeling, I knew it and it was so strong that it wasnt letting me sleep at nights.. it was such a strong feeling... and I stood up for myself but I should have been more firm and ignored him completely.. **** HIM .. !!
Kamille Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I can't believe this guy! What a self-centred a------. It explains why he was so wishy-washy. He could keep pursuing you when you tried pulling back because really, what did he have to lose? Argh and I can't believe he 1) tried to make you feel like you were the one who was the problem 2) brought the arrogance up to a whole other level by feeling entitled to tell you to shut up and then hang up on you. The guy has no soul and certainly, no respect for women. It would have been a completely different scenario in my book if he had told you he was multi-dating from the get go. But the way he proceeded is callous and narcissistic. Yeah get angry! I think you did the right thing by writing to that girl. Maybe she's falling for his crap now, but you don't know that for sure. Whatever, you are free of this *******.
Author TO_Girl Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 I just like to update you guys, I'll be quick I promise : 1. After Sunday I started feeling this amazing "freedom" feeling, like now im able to sleep and such..he hasnt called, prob afraid I will call the police lol 2. I just found out that the girl left him.......................
Kamille Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I just like to update you guys, I'll be quick I promise : 1. After Sunday I started feeling this amazing "freedom" feeling, like now im able to sleep and such..he hasnt called, prob afraid I will call the police lol 2. I just found out that the girl left him....................... Nice! I love that "freedom" feeling... and she left him? ah, could life be any sweeter?
TaraMaiden Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I just like to update you guys, I'll be quick I promise : 1. After Sunday I started feeling this amazing "freedom" feeling, like now im able to sleep and such..he hasnt called, prob afraid I will call the police lol 2. I just found out that the girl left him....................... Ok, brace yourself for the *crawling back* "I always loved you, you're the one for me, I really want you in my life" Bull5h1t schpiel....It will come.....! She blew him off...?? (Woo-hoo! Good for her!!) He's going to go for Plan 'B'....! That's you by the way...'B' as in 'Back-burner'..... hang on to that blissfully brilliant 'freedom' feeling, because sure as eggs is eggs, he will try to ensnare you again.... But you know what? I really, really don't think he's even going to get to first base, let alone get past it! Way to go, TO_Girl!! :bunny:
Author TO_Girl Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 @Kamille - The Show is over for him. And honeslty what do I know, but this girl seemed to be very down to earth and very caring ( as per fb pictures and stuff that I saw)... so I was praying that she will go and find better as well.. becasue he is lower than scum and scums get nothing until they decide to go to the next level which is probably bacteria lol @TaraMaiden hahaha honeeslty NOPE I dont think he will come back.. because 1) his ego is tooo big 2) what is he going to say ? oh im a cheater and Im back ! 3) He must be hating me right now for ruining his weekend and his "love life " 4) you think he only had two ? please I bet he has 2 more right now. ANd thanks for the support , honestly I wouldnt had made it without you guys.!!
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