Why Would Someone Do This?

[abbazabba]

I was with my now ex for about two years. We were really close friends for years prior. We were both a big part of one another's life and did countless activities together. We both still had our own lives though. I really loved her and I thought she loved me.

 

Anyways, just over two months ago, she tells me that she is moving across the country in a month. Further, she is going for job interviews later in the same week. I understand her desire to move, but have difficulties with the abruptness. She is reluctant to talk about the possible move and I force the issue a couple of days later. She tells me that her father is having financial issues and she needs/wants to leave town. At this point, we are still fine.

 

Shortly after, her father calls me and snaps. He says all this stuff about me holding his daughter back and such. In my opinion, this is hardly the truth. Being fortunate enough to have the money, I had offered to help her with school or moving across county. This was long before any of this happened. I wouldn't do this for anybody, but she was my girl.

 

She calls me after and tells me that she needs a break. It's got to do with her father's financial situation and following her dream in this other city. I'm clearly upset, but tell her that I understand. She tells me that we would talk when she returns. She makes contact a couple of heart wrenching weeks later and we meet for coffee.

 

When we meet, her body language tells me that she still loves me. Her pupils are huge, she is playing with her hair, leaning in for conversation, and gave me a long intimate embrace. It felt like nothing happened. There wasn't even any talk of the break. She even texted me after to tell me how good of a time she had. I responded telling her that it was a good time and we should do it again.

 

Never saw her after that point. I texted her Merry Christmas and she responded the same. I figure that I opened the lines of communication and now it's up to her to reciprocate. After all, she wanted the break.

 

It's been over a month and not a peep. It really bothers me that she did not have the courage to tell that we are broken up. It's just like we stopped talking one day and that's it. At this point, I feel like this a joke relationship. I feel like I never knew her.

 

Why would someone just leave like this?

 

A little background. She is 20 and I'm 24. We were good, but not perfect. We did fight every once in a while. Most of it came from her telling "white lies." I'm pretty understanding, so this really irritated with me. However, I'm an aggressive person and this caused problems. In other words, I had trouble holding my tongue.

 

I've done my best to move on. I'm dating, working, excersing, traveling, and learning. However, I just feel empty. It feels like someone ripped out my heart. I've been a lucky person throughout life, but I've never felt so unlucky. Lately I just want to go fall asleep and never wake up.

 

Any advice and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[nomad0792]

Holy crap man...this sounds really tough.

 

So, did you ever discuss marriage? Did you ever discuss the future?

 

This sounds really crazy...I'd like to try and help, but need more info.

 

Try and break up your story in paragraphs and I will read it.

 

Right now, don't try and contact her until you get some feedback.

[abbazabba]

Thanks Nomad! Yeah, we discussed our future. To the best of my knowledge we both strongly believed we would be together for long time. Marriage was out of the question for the both of us at the moment, but we were interested in continuing to grow our relationship. It was a serious relationship and we spent a lot time together. I mean, we would workout, hike, travel, and do tons together. The relationship was by no means stagnant or boring.

 

The morning of our breakup, she even texted me telling me how lucky she was to find me and really appreciated our relationship. Then, later in the evening, she wanted a break. And that was it. I don't get it at all.

 

The shortened version of my post goes something like this...

 

My ex and I had a pretty good relationship. We did tons together and I tried to treat her right. We had arguments about her moving far away to pursue work. After some discussion with family, she told me a break was needed. I gave her space and we met a couple weeks later. Our meeting went well and it seemed that she still loved me. However, I never heard from her again. We had been together for two years and this doesn't make any sense to me. She never even really broke up with me; just told me she wanted a break. What would make someone not be able to tell you this?

[nomad0792]

Damn...this one is tough.

 

Ok, so I have a tough question for you. Do you at all suspect there might be someone else?

 

It's difficult to understand how she couldn't be more communicative about your relationship. It seems very evasive of her and unless I'm missing something, she owes you a fricking explanation. But don't do anything yet. Need to get more input from others first.

[TaraMaiden]

She's a child.

I'm not being insulting, it's true, she is still very much a child. hell, in some states she doesn't have thwe vote yet, and she still has a lot of stuff from her adolescence and teen years to work through.

Marriage?

Are you kidding?

Discussing this at her age when she's still not completely developped as an adult - crazy.

The bottom line is that she is simply neither ready nor mature enough to embark on a serious and deep relationship with anyone.

And the fact that you are childhood sweethearts has - sorry - nothing to do with it.

Heck, I wouldn't have anything to do with the guys I dated when I was younger! I thought they were wonderful at the time, but frankly, the thought of possibly still being with them grosses me out! History doesn't make a future, necessarily.

You're both way too young to be considering this a permanent fixture, and yes, she's moving on.

She hasn't done it in the best possible way, but she's handling a lot of problems, including considering her father, and her professional future.

She can't do it all.

And she's not mature yet to pick the right way to do it.

You need to write to her and agree, and accept, that this is over for you both.

Then, go No Contact, and start living your life with a clean slate, a clear view and a fresh attitude.

Truly.

[abbazabba]

Thanks for your replies... They really do help. Just to get it out of my system, you know?

 

Honestly, I don't think there was someone else. However, nothing about this was rational in my mind. Thus, I'm not ruling it out.

 

I will continue with no contact for quite some time; it's been a solid month of nothing at all and it was very minimal before. I'm clearly not ready to talk to her and I've done as much as I can. If she wants to talk, she has my number.

 

I'm just trying to make sense of all this.

 

Thanks again.

[nomad0792]

Tara is right...you're very young and you will have other relationships. Trust me. Go NC and don't look back. This is your best bet. She will contact you again.

 

If you get a chance, would you mind giving your input on my thread "Butt-Dialing".

 

I'd appreciate it.

[HLP234]

 

It's been over a month and not a peep. It really bothers me that she did not have the courage to tell that we are broken up. It's just like we stopped talking one day and that's it. At this point, I feel like this a joke relationship. I feel like I never knew her.

 

Why would someone just leave like this?

 

 

My ex did the same exact thing, said she wanted a break, pulled me along by saying time at home during Xmas vacation would help her figure things out..an then all of sudden its like she disapears off the face of the earth. Never did I get its over, or anything..it went from "break" to her being with someone else which I found out through facebook.

 

I know how you feel, its cruel that she did this to you. I could never do the same to someone else..I at least would get back with them and let them know what I was doing. It is just immature and someone who does this sort of thing, shows you how they really are. Shows they have no respect for themselves as well as you.

 

Don't ever talk to her or bother with her at all. Even if she says something what do you have to say for her action? Isn't it messed up? I went through the same thing and the pain of how she went about it hurts much more than the pain of actually not having her. But move on and keep away from her as the behavior she expressed during this break means she probably never has any intentions to say anything ever to you.