What Did I Do Wrong?

[Forlorn]

Okay - firstly, hi everyone. I've been reading other posts here and it seems like a really friendly, helpful forum So I figure I'd ask some of you what the hell is going on with a guy I like. I'm so confused.

 

We met while watching a local band play. He was taking photos and I asked him to send me copies of those great pics and he got my email address right away. First thing the next morning, he'd already emailed the pics and asked me out for coffee to chat.

 

I didn't know, but I wrote down one letter wrong in my email address, and he admitted that he had to go look up the company I work for to find the right address to contact me.

 

So we hung out/emailed/phoned several times over the next few weeks and he's gorgeous, funny, charming, keen to see me, affectionate, thoughtful, intelligent etc... of course after a few weeks of dating/hanging out, I slept with him (oops) .

He didn't run away. In fact, it made him want to see me more over the following few weeks. I was really starting to think this guy was the right one for me.

 

Then one night he was particularly loving/affectionate and saying all romantic things while we were cuddling up in bed. I woke up and went to work the next morning and he gave me a huge hug and kiss and promised he'd call me to catch up again really soon. Same as always.

 

I didn't hear from him for three days. So I sent him a txt seeing if he was free for the weekend. He said he was busy at the moment, but would call soon.

 

The weekend came and went, no txt, no call, no email. So I gave in and sent him a simple joke-email - nothing personal. He responded immediately (within a minute) with "Hey! How are you? I'll call later, a bit busy now xx"

 

I want to call him so badly, but I don't like feeling desperate, so I decided to wait and see how long he'd take to call me.

 

I'm still waiting. It's been 10 days.

 

Why go to all the bother of making me fall for him to just vanish into thin air like that? it's cruel and childish and leaves me all confused and weird, because I was really starting to like this guy a LOT.

 

Should I just kick his ass, call him a s***-head and go find a new man with some respect, some decency and some balls? Or is this guy playing games that I'm not getting? What did I do to make him vanish like that?

 

Thanks in advance

Edited January 21, 2010 by Forlorn

[Ronni_W]

What did I do to make him vanish like that?

Forlorn,

What is making you think that you did anything for him to be acting the way he's acting? Why isn't it something that happened to him, on his side?

 

It does seem out-of-the-blue and unexpected but that still doesn't mean that you played any part in it. It could be that he's just not be ready to be in a serious relationship...with anybody. Or maybe he or a loved one was recently diagnosed with a serious or life-threatening illness. Who knows?

 

All he's proven for sure is that he is not a very skilled communicator.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting and confused. I'd encourage you to leave his stuff with him, though. It's his bad behaviour, not yours.

 

Hugs.

[TouchedByViolet]

Why go to all the bother of making me fall for him to just vanish into thin air like that? it's cruel and childish and leaves me all confused and weird, because I was really starting to like this guy a LOT.

 

I understand your sentiments entirely. I had experienced a similar situation with a girl and the feelings of desertion had been most painful.

 

It sounds like he got what he wanted and just decided to leave. He knows you will hurt but he doesn't care. If he cared he would tell you but he knows the easiest solution for him is to just disappear.

 

The best thing you can do now is understand that that guy doesn't really care about your feelings and is not even man enough to face you about them.

 

Contacting him will NOT help you at all. If anything he will get defensive and try to make you feel like you are responsible for the present situation. Don't let him mess with your head more than he already has. I think the best thing is to just get over this loser.

[O'Malley]

His words said that he cared, but his actions made clear he had more important priorities than contacting you. It's easy enough to say things when you don't have any real investment in them. He simply decided to take the easiest way for him out of the situation.

 

It's difficult to turn off your own feelings quickly, so you will be thinking about him and wondering about all the ifs. There's no surefire way of determining what caused someone else's loss of interest, but you can make a decision about how to respond to that. Get back on your regular schedule and gradually let go of the anger. Contacting him will only provide you the same results you've been receiving, so block or ignore any future contacts from him.

Edited January 21, 2010 by O'Malley

[Forlorn]

Thanks for the rational input. Sometimes things seem clearer from a different perspective. I know you're all right about moving on, getting on with my life and blocking any further communication with this cowardly loser, so I will do just that.

 

I understand that he doesn't care for me or my feelings, so I refuse to give up another erg of my time or energy on someone like this. I deserve far better.

 

Thanks again.

[Porn_Guy]

Should I just kick his ass, call him a s***-head and go find a new man with some respect, some decency and some balls?

yes you should find a new man, that other guy just used you for sex