dreamer0123 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Hey Ok so I just met with my ex after three months of barely any contact... this was all initiated by him (Background info: we are both in our late 20s and was together for 3 years- the break was sorta mutual but more on his part). Anyways- so we met and it was really hard. I mean it was nice to see him again but we were both nervous (more so myself than him)... So we met for a couple of hours for some drinks- it was casual- we talked about work, friends, and occasionally he'd make little comments that confused me. For instance he and I used to cook elaborate meals together so I asked he still cooked he would say:" Well I don't have my little sous-chef anymore" or if we talk about going to a game it would be:" Wouldn't it be crazy if we went to the same game??" The night ended with us giving each other a hug and going our separate ways. He told me he wanted to see me and that he missed me.. and it was good seeing me but what does all this mean? Does it mean nothing? Is he just passing time until he meets someone new? Does he want to get back together? So any advice would be appreciated...
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 ...well, was there any touching? How often did you communicate during NC?
Author dreamer0123 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 No...Just a hug when we met and when we left... and I accidentally touched his arm ( I realized it after) but no touching at all. We broke up in Oct and since that- we've spoken on a phone 4-5 times max, no texting, no emails, nothing else. He did want to see me in Nov and Dec but I wasn't ready in Nov and I was sick in Dec... and was traveling so it didn't work out. He called in Jan and asked when he could see me...
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 These are definite reaches, but to what degree? Probably need more info on your history before I can make a real assessment. Bullet points in the relationship would be good.
Author dreamer0123 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 These are definite reaches, but to what degree? Probably need more info on your history before I can make a real assessment. Bullet points in the relationship would be good. - We were together for 3 years (both late 20s)- no breaks for 3 years- all of our friends and family thought we would get married - We are from two different cultures- didn't seem to be a problem except I never met his parents which is how the breakup initiated- but in the end he pushed for the break - We spilt in mid Oct - He called be about 3 weeks- he had heard I had a family emergency so I was out of town- I did text him back and told him I'd call him when I was back in town - I called him back- he asked for coffee- I declined- said I wasn't ready - A few weeks later I called because I wanted closure before the year ended but we didn't end up meeting because I was sick - He called me over the holidays to see how I was - left a message - I left a message in return but then missed his call back (10 min later) - He called me last week to meet up... because he missed me... ** sorry I hope it wasn't too long!**
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Ur funny...not too long at all. U should see my threads...ha! Okay, so the missing you is good. And it sounds like you are playing it very well. Not being too available to him. Okay, so you must play it cool. The goal is to continue to play it like you are, and if he wants more then he will need to make that effort. Question: Did you beg or plead with him when you were breaking up? OR did you manage to keep your cool? The reason I ask is because as long as he understands that you were willing to make the relationship work, but he initiated the break-up then he must come to you. If it was mutual, then just allow things to happen naturally. Here's the key though...you cannot go back to the old relationship or it will end up like it did before. Have you grown? Has he? IF NOT, then it will be tough. The goal, again, is to allow him to reach and don't be at his beck and call. Make sense? Will you please respond to my 'Butt-dial' thread. I'd really appreciate it.
Author dreamer0123 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Ur funny...not too long at all. U should see my threads...ha! Okay, so the missing you is good. And it sounds like you are playing it very well. Not being too available to him. Okay, so you must play it cool. The goal is to continue to play it like you are, and if he wants more then he will need to make that effort. Question: Did you beg or plead with him when you were breaking up? OR did you manage to keep your cool? The reason I ask is because as long as he understands that you were willing to make the relationship work, but he initiated the break-up then he must come to you. If it was mutual, then just allow things to happen naturally. Here's the key though...you cannot go back to the old relationship or it will end up like it did before. Have you grown? Has he? IF NOT, then it will be tough. The goal, again, is to allow him to reach and don't be at his beck and call. Make sense? Will you please respond to my 'Butt-dial' thread. I'd really appreciate it. Hey! When we broke up- I was sad (obviously) but I guess kind of "let of him go"- I was just really sad - we both were and that moment was really hard for both us... he also said that he thinks we can get back together but he just needed a "break" for now... It's really hard- and to be honest- he isn't getting as much support as he needs from his friends (they think he made a big mistake)... but that's out my hands... I know I have grown- and I am happy the way I handled the split- it is still HARD but I didn't do anything I have regretted.. so that makes me happy. I also have WONDERFUL support... Any other tips? I hope things work out- but I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket!
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 I would continue onward with your self. You have to notice that if you two are to get back together, it can't be done at a time when either of you still hurt or are confused. Take time for yourself and just go around enjoying your life. I'm sure if he was ready to talk to you he would come and tell you. If he does, and you are still feeling down, don't jump into anything. Its hard and it takes time, but if you guys didn't do anything to hurt each other, it should take less time to heal.
Upgrayedd Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Upgrayedd said: "Upgrayedd wouldn't want to be with someone who decided to break up with him, then was wishy washy about what she wanted. Upgrayedd would expect that a breakup is done as the last step in a relationship that failed and wouldn't want to go back to that. It wouldn't ever be right again. If this person is choosing the breakup and then being wishy washy about it, they would be wishy washy about getting back together and Upgrayedd wouldn't want to get hurt again because fool me twice, shame on Upgrayedd."
Author dreamer0123 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Upgrayedd said: "Upgrayedd wouldn't want to be with someone who decided to break up with him, then was wishy washy about what she wanted. Upgrayedd would expect that a breakup is done as the last step in a relationship that failed and wouldn't want to go back to that. It wouldn't ever be right again. If this person is choosing the breakup and then being wishy washy about it, they would be wishy washy about getting back together and Upgrayedd wouldn't want to get hurt again because fool me twice, shame on Upgrayedd." Upgrayedd- I completely understand- and logically it makes sense... I just wish it wasn't so hard... For some reason- today I am having a down today... the situation just makes me sad and I think more importantly I am just disappointed in him...but at the same time... I still love him and want things to work out... This is really hard....
Zeegagge Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Upgrayedd said: "Upgrayedd wouldn't want to be with someone who decided to break up with him, then was wishy washy about what she wanted. Upgrayedd would expect that a breakup is done as the last step in a relationship that failed and wouldn't want to go back to that. It wouldn't ever be right again. If this person is choosing the breakup and then being wishy washy about it, they would be wishy washy about getting back together and Upgrayedd wouldn't want to get hurt again because fool me twice, shame on Upgrayedd." OMG, we have a new member with a double dose of that pimpin'. Hey Upgrayedd, you got yo money yet? Ok, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.
Upgrayedd Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 OMG, we have a new member with a double dose of that pimpin'. Hey Upgrayedd, you got yo money yet? Ok, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Laughter is the idea. In my experience a little levity when I'm down makes me feel good. Whenever I've been dumped, the things that cheered me up were the little things. Like a guy whose name is Upgrayedd. And no, I haven't got my money, but I did come up on a sweet time machine.......
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