vkoch79 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I have recently left my boyfriend in September. We have been talking and hanging out until the last two weeks but I have come to realize I just need to let go. I am holding on in hoping he will stop drinking and work it out with me. The drinking and the beating and the fighting was just to much and ended the relationship. I tried so many times to get through to him. After six years I finally gave up. I am hurting so bad. I gave him an alitmadum to quit drinking if he wants me back and loves me like he claims he does. He refuses to stop drinking and feels I am trying to change him. However he didnt drink when I met him. He was a recovering alcohalic. He then relapsed two years into the relationship. I love him so much. Leaving him hurts or staying with him hurts because he treats me bad and I know it. My heat is in love with him so much it breaks to be away from him. How can I get through this horrible time. I have tried to reason with him to take him back and he only sees one side of the issue. My side. He feels I am only in the wrong. I can't fix it without his help. Therefore I am forced to cope and stay away. It's the coping is so painful. All I do is cry and think of all the time I have wasted and how much I love him and feel like nothing becuase he chooses alcohal over me. Can anyone help me through this.
HLP234 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Sounds like the relationship became pretty abusive in a sense. If you know he treats you bad, why do you bother? I don't know why so many people who are treated like crap tend to like that. I would try and get him into a program to help quit his drinking. You can't change anyone, people have to change themselves. But you can help him by talking to family of his and tell them that this is really destructive to him. You can't really tell someone to quit smoking or drinking or else you break up with them, these are addictions that are coded in the brain. If you he really loves you he will understand and seek help. If he does, you must support him and not just say quit right now or its done. Its a good time to stand up for yourself right now and take time away from this to think out what needs to be done. You either want to get back with him or not. But I think if he treats you as bad as you said, you don't need that and you deserve better. Don't contact him, leave him be and let him think about this. If he really wants to be with you, he will come back and let you know. Hopefully he can get back into a program to help him stop drinking. I think if that happened first, then you could consider working on getting back with him..but for now take time to yourself, you know you deserve to be treated better. I know it hurts, I feel the same about my ex, but she left so there is nothing to do, in a way you miss them so much but if you actually think of the future, you realize that better things could come.
nomad0792 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 if he's abusive, you need to stay away from him unless he gets help. And that may take a while. Take care of yourself first. If he loves you, he will do what's necessary to fix it.
Author vkoch79 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 well his whole family is a bunch of alcohalics. He refuses to get help. I even offered to go with him and support him. I put up with so much for years and told him that if the drinking didn't stop he would loose me. I couldnt get through to him no matter what I did. So its not like I just woke up one day and said stop or that's it. It wasn't like that. I stuck by him and still stick by him and offer help. He refuses to accept he has a problem. I even offered to give something up about me. I can't reason with him. I just gaveup and couldn't take it anymore. The pain in my heart is bad and I feel like someone close has died. I understand completely I can't change him. I am willing to help him and support him but he refuses to see my side of the story. Bascially hes an ahole. For some reason I love him. I know I deserve better. I can't ever find anyone better. I want to be with him but I can't deal with his drinking. I have left him alone. Like I said. If I stay with him I get hurt, if I leave him I get hurt. The only one who wins is him. I doubt he even cares or is in any pain. I'm so loney and sad I feel like my life is going to end. This is not easy. I just want to text him so bad. I know that he is the one who holds the deck. I have told him that. Whatever happens is up to him. I have done the best I can and he refuses to reason with me. I had to move on.
ty1987 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 If he's abusive you need to stay away. No woman deserves to be beaten EVER for any reason. You need to realize that you are deserving of someone who loves you and who treats you the way you want to be treated. It will be very tough to let go, especially after 8 years being together, but in the end it will all work out. Hang in there sweetheart.
madisonlayne Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 He is consumed with his addiction and that comes before everything else. You're doing the right thing by stepping back. You don't want to enable his behavior. A relationship with someone who has an addiction is worse than a relationship with someone who is involved with another person, as you don't lose your loved one to someone else; you lose them to their self. Do NOT allow him to make you feel guilty. You have given him unconditional love and stayed with him through not only an emotional abusive relationship but physical as well. He is breaking you down and it's up to you to regain some control. You deserve happiness. Never forget that.
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