bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 After she blocked me, my best female friend (who is just a friend - my ex was jealous of), and defacebooking all my friends (just a recap LOL)... 2.5 months later... she unblocked me on facebook. I blocked her a few days after I noticed this (to see if SHE would break the NC... like hell I can/will - I lose if I do)... and then ~ 3 months now I kind of want to unblock her to see if she will break the NC we've had. I know it's a BAD idea. I know it'll set me back. I know if she did want me/miss me... she would've somehow contacted me by now... (ie, it's 100% over. she's forgotten about me) I know I sound SO stupid right now. Why am I feeling this way? I have so much going for me... this doesn't make sense that I want this toxic girl back... ...fml Link to post Share on other sites
dietpepsi Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 whoa be careful, it sounds like your playing a game of chance with your happiness. However, I am not a firm believer in "If they miss you enough they will contact you" especially if they are the dumper, they may miss the hell out of you, but their pride is more important. Some, not all. Or, you are right, they may be 100% over you. Honest question, Do you really want this toxic girl back? Or Do you really just want to flip the scales in your favor in the NC game to be in the driver seat and then you'll see how you feel about it? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 dude spend your energy/time meeting other girls. its the only solution Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 From the posts that i've read of yours so far, you always state how much of a bad person she is, how she treated you like crap, how you never felt good around her, how much you hate her etc etc etc. Please do not take this the wrong way, but after reading this thread I have a feeling you might be lying to yourself. Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. And if you are still thinking about her (which you obviously are) you do still have feelings towards her that are now (obviously) resurfacing as questionable. From everything that you have posted on this board about her, I would not suggest even attempting anything like that. What you should be doing, is moving on. This girl isn't right for you... right? She didn't treat you well... right? She is a horrible, terrible, creature of a woman... right? Keep her blocked. Don't check her FB or Myspace page. Do not contact her friends for any reason. Don't call her/text her/email her/think about her. She is toxic. Give yourself a nice hard shake and come out of this. Really hun, come on. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Uh...Rob...we've been through this already on your other thread... I am about ready to slap you silly with a boat paddle... You make yourself think you want this toxic girl back only because she's the last association you had with love and all the warm tinglys associated with a relationship...you're missing that companionship...and it's understandable... You have to actively disassociate the happy feelings of love from this girl...meet new people...I'm not saying you need to jump into another relationship...but distract yourself from love altogether...whether it be with friends or just you doing stuff you enjoy... Get it together, man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Uh...Rob...we've been through this already on your other thread... I am about ready to slap you silly with a boat paddle... You make yourself think you want this toxic girl back only because she's the last association you had with love and all the warm tinglys associated with a relationship...you're missing that companionship...and it's understandable... You have to actively disassociate the happy feelings of love from this girl...meet new people...I'm not saying you need to jump into another relationship...but distract yourself from love altogether...whether it be with friends or just you doing stuff you enjoy... Get it together, man! From the posts that i've read of yours so far, you always state how much of a bad person she is, how she treated you like crap, how you never felt good around her, how much you hate her etc etc etc. Please do not take this the wrong way, but after reading this thread I have a feeling you might be lying to yourself. Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. And if you are still thinking about her (which you obviously are) you do still have feelings towards her that are now (obviously) resurfacing as questionable. From everything that you have posted on this board about her, I would not suggest even attempting anything like that. What you should be doing, is moving on. This girl isn't right for you... right? She didn't treat you well... right? She is a horrible, terrible, creature of a woman... right? Keep her blocked. Don't check her FB or Myspace page. Do not contact her friends for any reason. Don't call her/text her/email her/think about her. She is toxic. Give yourself a nice hard shake and come out of this. Really hun, come on. I'll swear in G-d's name I've not fabricated a single detail of my relationship with the girl... ...I really, really need to be the person in that 'Airplane' scene who is screaming hysterically as the entire plan lines up to slap her... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 jesus... what is wrong with me? I CLEARLY still KNOW the red flags and truly believe no matter how hard she were to beg me to take her back (which will never happen)... those red flags will ALWAYS be there. On a lighter note... I did meet a new girl today... I've "known" her from before (as she is an undergrad in my dept and have noticed her). We struck up a pretty good conversation after she asked if she could sit next to me in class today when she was clearly sitting a few rows away (with other ugrad TA's) and saw me and came over)... now she's one of my undergrad TA's and another TA told me she wants me. She's really, really attractive and "silly/goofy"... she is smart (otherwise she wouldn't be TAing my advisor's class heh)... But there is an ethical problem on that one... she technically works for me... she is 21. I'm 25 in a month. (no issue with age, in my opinion)... it's that graduate student - undergraduate student boundary. DAMN IT. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Oh no, I never once doubted your honesty. I'm just trying to help you remember all of the negative things about her that you said would never make you go back to her. Sometimes, when we are away from it for long enough, we actually begin to start forgetting all the bad things and the way they made us feel. When we begin to miss them, we only think about the things that drew us closer to them. Not push us away. This is a normal part of the healing process. What I don't like to see, though, is how a person like you could be so hung up on a girl that's so disgusting on the inside. You are better than this! Screw whatever she's trying to pull, or not pull, whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. Because you are a better person now. One that will not stand for that sh*t anymore! A person who has so much more self respect for yourself than that! Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 jesus... what is wrong with me? I CLEARLY still KNOW the red flags and truly believe no matter how hard she were to beg me to take her back (which will never happen)... those red flags will ALWAYS be there. On a lighter note... I did meet a new girl today... I've "known" her from before (as she is an undergrad in my dept and have noticed her). We struck up a pretty good conversation after she asked if she could sit next to me in class today when she was clearly sitting a few rows away (with other ugrad TA's) and saw me and came over)... now she's one of my undergrad TA's and another TA told me she wants me. She's really, really attractive and "silly/goofy"... she is smart (otherwise she wouldn't be TAing my advisor's class heh)... But there is an ethical problem on that one... she technically works for me... she is 21. I'm 25 in a month. (no issue with age, in my opinion)... it's that graduate student - undergraduate student boundary. DAMN IT. Ahhh, be careful with that. And i'm not just talking about her. I'm talking about getting romantically involved with anyone right now. I made that mistake. Thinking I was fully ready to move on. I got into a relationship with a WONDERFUL man, only to let him down in the end because I wasn't ready. Maybe you should sit with all of this for a little while. Get to know yourself again. The better you now. Sort through all of your emotions, and give yourself the time you need to heal. There will always be girls around. But there won't always be the time to fix whatever you need to fix before you damage yourself even worse. Trust me on this. I know from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Oh no, I never once doubted your honesty. I'm just trying to help you remember all of the negative things about her that you said would never make you go back to her. Sometimes, when we are away from it for long enough, we actually begin to start forgetting all the bad things and the way they made us feel. When we begin to miss them, we only think about the things that drew us closer to them. Not push us away. This is a normal part of the healing process. What I don't like to see, though, is how a person like you could be so hung up on a girl that's so disgusting on the inside. You are better than this! Screw whatever she's trying to pull, or not pull, whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. Because you are a better person now. One that will not stand for that sh*t anymore! A person who has so much more self respect for yourself than that! Wow. Thank you. After reading that, I actually let out a sigh of relief... as if a huge burden were lifted off from upon me... even if only temporarily. Many thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Ahhh, be careful with that. And i'm not just talking about her. I'm talking about getting romantically involved with anyone right now. I made that mistake. Thinking I was fully ready to move on. I got into a relationship with a WONDERFUL man, only to let him down in the end because I wasn't ready. Maybe you should sit with all of this for a little while. Get to know yourself again. The better you now. Sort through all of your emotions, and give yourself the time you need to heal. There will always be girls around. But there won't always be the time to fix whatever you need to fix before you damage yourself even worse. Trust me on this. I know from experience. See, many thanks again. That I definitely realize, but it's easier to hear it from someone else (someone smarter/more experienced) than it is to admit it to myself. Almost the cliched - It's so much easier to give advice to others than take your own advice... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 It's so much easier to give advice to others than take your own advice... Isn't this the truth...I wish I had found LS about 3 months earlier than I did... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Isn't this the truth...I wish I had found LS about 3 months earlier than I did... I'm sorry man. I'm so thankful I found LS when I did. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Wow. Thank you. After reading that, I actually let out a sigh of relief... as if a huge burden were lifted off from upon me... even if only temporarily. Many thanks. Of course! You are very cared for in this community. None of us want to see a guy like you in this nonsense of a situation. I'm glad I could help! See, many thanks again. That I definitely realize, but it's easier to hear it from someone else (someone smarter/more experienced) than it is to admit it to myself. Almost the cliched - It's so much easier to give advice to others than take your own advice... You are so right! See, i'm stubborn. I was actually told not to get into a relationship with that guy because I wasn't ready. I didn't listen, and I did it anyway. And now i'm in the position that i'm in. I had to let down a really great guy, and all because of my selfishness. All of this will take time. I hate to accept that, because along with being stubborn i'm also impatient . But if time is what it takes for me to be able, and fully willing, to be in a committed relationship again... then there is no other choice. I think it's funny, I was just listening to Coldplay 'Fix you' and he sang this one line as soon as I was about to respond to your thread. He sings "From high up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go, but if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth." So true. All of us around you can already see what you're worth. But until you make the effort to fully heal and allow nature to do it's thing, you'll never fully understand. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I know what it's like to be in the situation you are in. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Of course! You are very cared for in this community. None of us want to see a guy like you in this nonsense of a situation. I'm glad I could help! You are so right! See, i'm stubborn. I was actually told not to get into a relationship with that guy because I wasn't ready. I didn't listen, and I did it anyway. And now i'm in the position that i'm in. I had to let down a really great guy, and all because of my selfishness. All of this will take time. I hate to accept that, because along with being stubborn i'm also impatient . But if time is what it takes for me to be able, and fully willing, to be in a committed relationship again... then there is no other choice. I think it's funny, I was just listening to Coldplay 'Fix you' and he sang this one line as soon as I was about to respond to your thread. He sings "From high up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go, but if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth." So true. All of us around you can already see what you're worth. But until you make the effort to fully heal and allow nature to do it's thing, you'll never fully understand. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I know what it's like to be in the situation you are in. It will get better. Ok... how do I PM? I'm not an established member... how do you become one? And thanks again =) coldplay 'fix you'... i'll have to buy that track off itunes. =) Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Ok... how do I PM? I'm not an established member... how do you become one? Yea...I forgot to tell you that I couldn't PM you the other day...I was not pleased... Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Ok... how do I PM? I'm not an established member... how do you become one? And thanks again =) coldplay 'fix you'... i'll have to buy that track off itunes. =) It's a great song! If you listen to the lyrics, it's as if he is singing it just for you (makes me feel that way everytime I hear it ). It all depends on how many posts you've made and how long you've been on the site to become an established member. You shouldn't have much longer to go. But once you do become an established member, it's really simple. All you have to do is click on my name and the choose the 'send private message' option. I don't plan on leaving this site anytime soon, so whenever you're able to, PM me Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 It's a great song! If you listen to the lyrics, it's as if he is singing it just for you (makes me feel that way everytime I hear it ). It all depends on how many posts you've made and how long you've been on the site to become an established member. You shouldn't have much longer to go. But once you do become an established member, it's really simple. All you have to do is click on my name and the choose the 'send private message' option. I don't plan on leaving this site anytime soon, so whenever you're able to, PM me For all the help and positive reinforcement you've all given me... I do plan to pay it forward here. I've tried to help others in need despite my 'heartsickness' ... I'm Rob by the way thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 If you unblock her on facebook, envision the smug and arrogant smile that will slowly creep up on her face. Kind of like the Grinch when he got his wicked idea to steal Christmas. She will know that you're still obsessed with her and she will know that she can still play games with you. Even by not answering, she'll be playing games with you. Is there a 'block for eternity' button on facebook? Because that's the button you need. Do not give her the satisfaction of knowing that you're wondering what she'll do, that you're thinking about her at all. Blocking her tells her that you don't give a fig anymore. It's definitive. And even though you do still give a fig, she doesn't need to know that. This relationship isn't fixable. Abusers are abusers by nature. It's so instinctive that it would be like trying to make a cat stop hunting. Not possible. These people don't stop. They're predators and you do not want to open this can of worms. Because if you do, you'll have anxiety if she contacts you, or if she doesn't contact you. Do yourself a favor and leave things just as they are. You will get past this. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 If you unblock her on facebook, envision the smug and arrogant smile that will slowly creep up on her face. Kind of like the Grinch when he got his wicked idea to steal Christmas. She will know that you're still obsessed with her and she will know that she can still play games with you. Even by not answering, she'll be playing games with you. Is there a 'block for eternity' button on facebook? Because that's the button you need. Do not give her the satisfaction of knowing that you're wondering what she'll do, that you're thinking about her at all. Blocking her tells her that you don't give a fig anymore. It's definitive. And even though you do still give a fig, she doesn't need to know that. This relationship isn't fixable. Abusers are abusers by nature. It's so instinctive that it would be like trying to make a cat stop hunting. Not possible. These people don't stop. They're predators and you do not want to open this can of worms. Because if you do, you'll have anxiety if she contacts you, or if she doesn't contact you. Do yourself a favor and leave things just as they are. You will get past this. I promise. Many thanks to you as well for taking the time/effort to comfort me in my lunacy Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Many thanks to you as well for taking the time/effort to comfort me in my lunacy Yeah, well, I was a lunatic myself once. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Howitzer Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 hey bananaboat11, I think you already "know" what you need to do, and what we have to say, so I'll keep this brief. I'm watching out for your posts, and we'll always be here to listen to you if you need. We're here to support you. Not sure when I'll become an established member, but once I do, feel free to PM me anytime. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Rob...you can be my wingman anytime... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks guys - truly... it means a lot. And you know I'm definitely down USMCHokie I was actually thinking back... must've been just entering the second month of our relationship ... when she began being different... or I guess, herself again... she had worked all day in a town 40 mins away (she skipped class)... she told me not to bother her 'cause she'd be @ work all day... so I didn't. But she texted me when she got back (late)... told me to come over, but not bother her. I thought to myself, "ok...". I went over to her place... she was in bed. The first thing I hear when I enter (lights are off and I'm entering quietly)... "Just leave me alone, I've had a rough day." At that point - I thought to myself... ok, sweetie needs her space to relax. I'll give her that. I made sure (like I always did) that breakfast was ready for her (I always got up first) and the coffee maker was set to brew @ the time she got up usually... I wrote her a little love note and left quietly so not to disturb her. ...5 mins later I got a hostile text message for leaving. Oh man... she told me not to come back and I was ****ing idiot for leaving. I'm a stupid boy... I don't know how to read every situation... you tell me to get into bed and hold you... I will. You immediately snap at me, I'm going to give you your space because that's my interpretation of your 'attitude' saying you need space. (maybe I am stupid...) ...the next morning she finally texted me. She wanted to meet up with me.. we talked... something stupid turned into her finding a fault with me again. I don't even remember what it was about anymore... I was growing tired of these little nuisance fights. She went to class, I back to my lab. That night I came over. We talked (for once...) and then went to be within 10 mins b/c she was tired. I was holding her (in a queen size bed - this is important in a minute). She pretty much rolled over to the other side of the bed, out of my arms. Said nothing... so I assumed she wanted her space to sleep. I rolled over and went to bed. Next morning we had another little talk... escalated into a HUGE fight (ie her yelling at me... I didn't cuddle up next to her. I told her I'm a stupid boy and I want to be there, but when she rolled to the OTHER side of the bed and didn't say anything to cuddle/snuggle up... I assumed she wanted to just go to bed. Bad idea to tell her that... she yelled at me some more. I told her that her "signs", facial expressions, body language and arguments are telling me she isn't feeling 'this'. That was MY bad... the next 2 words out of her mouth were "**** You" and then "Get the **** out of my apartment - I don't have time to deal with this ****". I looked at her... her expression didn't change. I grabbed my stuff (still in my boxers and tshirt - and it's like 40 degrees out...) and my keys... walked to my car and drove home. She texted me a few hours later saying she misses me and wants to talk. When we met up... she acted like nothing even happened. ugh... and this wasn't the LAST time something along those lines transpired. WOW @ ME. I want to cry so bad right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Baby, I'm gone. I'm getting over you. Slowly, but surely. I may sit here and cry, But eventually... it'll be an indefinite Goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
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