MY ex girlfriend is SO up and down with me and my emotions :(

[TheMastaPlan]

This is very lengthy im sorry but i have A LOT to explain and A LOT on my mind, please help...

My ex girlfriend and i broke up a couple weeks before christmas(2009)...well let me start from the beginning.

We knew eachother for a while before we dated, about 3-4 years. When we started dating i KNEW i was in control and could get her to do anything for me. This made me have a huge ego and i disrespected her a couple times by talking to two different girls (mind you this was over AIM and these girls were about 6 hours away from me). I would say stuff liek hey i miss you hows life, but as a friend. She felt that cuz i hooked up with one of them and the other wanted to hook up with me i was being unfaithful. I threw all that out and decided i only wanted her in my life. We had a rough past because she was very clingy to me in college but i wasn't quiet ready for a girlfriend. She was in a soroity and i was in a fraternity and i hooked up with multiple sister of hers, she hooked up with a few brothers of mine. To me it was no big deal but she continually brought up how could you blah blah them over me, youre gross, etc. Anyways i changed my act up and started treating her with more respect and trying to gain her trust back. she CONTINUALLY lived in the past and not for hte future. At this point (when she was living in the past) we had moved in together. We lived with each other for a little under a year , of course we argued like any couple, but some of the arguments were so stupid and assumptions were made and past brought up that she actaully hit me once. I forgave her for that although i told myself not to. As we lived together our arguments got ibgger and bigger and LOUDER, well SHE got louder. I tried staying cool, talking, etc, but it would seem to make things worse.

ANYWAYS at this point i didnt know if i wanted to be with her anymore i felt whatever i can get better so i told her i think we may need to move out and live with some friends for a while and that i would do anything to get us back to when we first started dating. She took that the COMPLETE wrong way and thought i wanna sleep with tons of girls and blah blah blahhhh. It was very frustrating. After taking about a week apart (she stayed at her parents) i decided i really and honestly do not want anyone else i want this to work and i need ot stick with her to make this work. Well after i had told her that i didnt know about us anymore it all went down hill. Not every day tho, just at argumental times. "You made me a bitch with what you did and said you didnt wanna be with me" "you did this to us, this is your fault". We tried to duke it out but she was just too different and she decided that since she was taking online classes and doing a full time job that she thought we needed a break. SO whatever we broke up and i went ape sh*t. i begged for her back, cried to her, pleaded, everything youre NOT supposed to do. Well after a day or two of that trying to remind her how great we were i ignored her for a week and hse contacted me and said i really miss you and us, i still love you and i want to be friends but right now we cant work. All leading me to think ok lets play it cool, chill for a lil, see what happens....WRONGGG she then flips on me again for the stupiest ****. well let me tell you a littel before hte next flip out from her. We had spent a night ogether after work and we had A BLAST(not sleeping over) just making dinner, talking, cuddling, etc and she goes "this just feels so right" i miss this and us. I agreed(bad move i guess). ANyways we were great for a week or 2 talking, being friends, not sharing much of our personal lives. Then I had a quote on my facebook from a lil wayne song (not directed towards anyone) but it involed sex and girls wanting him (wayne) and she FLIPPED and said YOURE STILL IMMATURE AND THE SAME GUY. i tried explaining it was just a quote from a song. she said i hate you i dont ever want to talk to you again, i cant do this, BUT she STILL wants to talk to me and keep in touch and be friends, just doesnt want ot know about my social life or any of that. Im just so confused what to do, everything i do i feel like i should be doing with her. We've been through so much and i am IN LOVE with her. We were so close we even named "our" kids together and she said "no one will ever replace you or the way i feel about you, youre perfect in every day, i love you" (this was the day before she saw the lil wayne quote and decided to flip out), which FYI was last night. Again i begged and pleaded although i told myself NOT to, i just feel weak and upset when she is angry i try to calm her down and bring up good memories. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I need time to get myself together, as she does, and THINK about my life and what i want, my goals(which we share a lot of), etc. She says that she needs time to do her school and stuff but whenever i give it to her she says she misses us and wants to still talk and wnats to hang out or go out to lunch. How long should i wait to contact her, i know ill be getting some type of text or call from her in at least a week(it hasnt bene af ull week where shes been able to not talk to me - ive left her alone, but 2 days after the initial contact i respond) anwyays i dont know if i should respond, how long i should wait, i really dont want her to move on to someone else even tho she reminds me she isnt looking for that, she just needs time. Please someone help! i can see her in my future, she hates planning and thinks i keep PLANNING for her to be in my future and i tell her im just HOPING, not PLANNING. AHHH i jsut need some advice, has anyone been through this before and gotten their ex back(after begging for her back twice) or anyone give me some advice please, i go out with my buddies, but i STILL think of her ALLLLLL the time, every day. help help! thank you to all that reads and responds!

[HLP234]

She sounds like she has problems from the past and is pretty immature. You may have done some things that hurt her in the beginning, but if she doesn't know what she wants you can't change her mind.

 

My ex was similar, said she wanted a break and then told me that during the break we are not together..YET she would flip out on me if a girl IM'ed me or if I didn't tell her I went to hang out with friends.

 

I tried to talk it out but she didn't want to. So I gave her the time, did nothing wrong..she left without saying anything to me.

 

If she asked you to hang out, be cool and collected, don't bring the relationship up. Wait a day or two to respond to her. You want to make her miss you. I did all this and mine was too selfish to realize she was doing something stupid that did not make sense.

 

Maybe it will be different for you if you give her the space and just act indifferent. If you are still on a break with her, and she wanted the break..you can give her a few weeks and then let her know that you either want this to work or you are moving on. I should of done that, but at the time I did not know her intentions.

[TheMastaPlan]

she said it would take a while before she could get over "what i did"...its just so confusing. whenever i give her space she says she misses us and me, last time we hung out i didnt bring up anything we were just us. im a firm believer that if things are meant to be they will work out, i know shell contact me again, i just dont know what to do or say - the thing is i read on other sites not to get back into a relationship that was physically or verbally abusive, but its weird she was NEVER like that till i said maybe we need time apart, now im the one being told we need time and im all cool and calm about it, ahhh this has been really tough on my emotions, back n fourth, back n fourth....i guess the only way i can get her to figure out what she wnats is to cut myself from her life? that way she cna see if she really needs/wants me and if she willing to relax and let things go...thanks for your reply....i look forward to hearing others reply with their knowledge, THANKS AGAIN!

[HLP234]

Your welcome, hopefully everything will work out somehow. And you are right, the only way to let her figure out what she wants is to remove yourself from the equation. If she is not using this time to figure herself out like she said she needed to, then it will not end good and you will feel worse in the end.

 

Sometimes people say they need to figure themselves out and need time alone so you give them that, but they are too selfish during this time to actually think about if they want to be in the relationship or not. They tend to take the time and not think of it. Which means they are usually trying to see what else is out there.

 

Whatever she is doing, you have to remove yourself and just take this time for yourself to do the same. Because if you keep waiting and hoping and it doesn't go the way you wanted, it will hurt even more. So in a way, you are respecting her by giving her the space and also saving yourself some hurt and pain in the future in case something else happens.

[TheMastaPlan]

i see there are a lot of readers, please let me know how you feel and your advice, anything will help.

[Limbo21]

Hi mastaplan

 

I can't write anything in depth but I responded because your ex/situation sounds very much like my woe.

 

I would love to know what you did (as mentioned you'd rather not disclose it) to further more liken the stories cos I screwed up with some idiotic behaviour in my relationship

 

What I will say though and it's not comforting ... She sounds like a fruitcake (as mine is) & the contrast from 'i love you' to 'i hate you' spells o.v.e.r UNLESS she realises what she's lost - you, your support & your company. Be warned though if she says she wants you back, then pulls away when you re-connect, then get out and look upon it with fond memories. I made so many mistakes which you will also unless you heed the advice of many a broken heart

 

I will post in more detail when I've time

 

good luck brother, you've got LS on side

[TheMastaPlan]

i havent talked to my ex since this last wed morning, jan 20th, thru text. Anyways i want to say hi to her so badly and break this no contact, its weird she normally contacts me by now...i assume shes busy with her school work and stuff but she has time to facebook from what my friends say. It just sucks i want her to contact me so i can ignore her and have her miss me lol...ahhh this NC is so hard!! i just hope shes thinking of me and missing me is all i guess and hopefully we'll eventaully be back but right now i have no idea whats going on, ive been going out and flirting and having a great time, but i still miss her. AHH this sucks

[HLP234]

You should not break the NC. You described it pretty well, you want her to contact you so you can ignore it. That's the way I feel sometimes too. Just to see what she would say. But sometimes they won't do that and you can't think to contact them at all.

[TheMastaPlan]

I called her today and left her a Voicemail about talking to our previous landlord and getting our security deposit back, that was at 1130 this morning, she hasn't called me yet and I'm going insane...last week aw said she lived me and no one could replace me...Noe today she told a friend of mine who disnt know we were broken up " I'm donezo with him and happy now" his sucks he named kids with me and told me that stuff last week....I dot understand...Sundays are so hard for mr I just wanna know if she's thinkin of me and misses me I HATE THISSS