Anyone want an 8 yr old with ADHD and ODD???

[FryFish]

I had a younger step brother with ODD. I warned him the first time I caught him abusing my dog that if it happened again I was going to beat the holy hell out of him. The second time I caught him I beat the holy hell out of him. And by that I mean it wasnt an experience that he could shrug off or laugh about later. His behavior changed. I got in a fair share of trouble for it but he has gotten in a fair share less because of it at the same time. As much as it sucks to admit it we still must admit that everyone of us learns through pain. That is evolution. And yes, I understand that my single anecdote does not represent the entirety of humanity....

[FryFish]

Addendum: I really do understand that each person and situation is unique and I admit that my limited experience does not in any way make me an expert. I hope that you solve your problems whatever way works the best for you AppleGirl.

[trippi1432]

Google Empowering Parents - they have tips on how to deal with ODD and ADHD.

[slatka_sarah]

I agree with you. I don't recall hearing about any one of these "disorders" when I was a child...or even in my early college days. I sometimes feel it's just a way to create more drugs to sell (that's a whole other can of worms!). I fell victim to the wooden spoon many times as a child, and I know I'll be the same way if and when it comes to that with my son.

[Peaceful Guy]

I have an 8 yr old who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and I am completely overwhelmed.

 

at first i thought the title of this thread was funny, until i read what odd stood for.. i worked with a child that might have had this, or something matching the description, and it was no joke.. im really sorry and i know it must be hard.

 

He is extremely defiant, negative, angry, disobedient, spiteful and aggressive. I am just worn down by him and don't know what to do anymore. He is aggressive with his siblings, plays too rough with the dog and tells me he "hates me". I have caught him setting facecloths on fire in the bathroom sink, kicking his brother in the head, locking the dog in a box and he lies about almost everything. He is doing terribly in school and has no friends.

 

you know, this is almost too heavy to talk about in a public forum but oh well.. did he suffer from some sort of physical trauma? how does he react when you remove privileges in response to bad behavior? does he bully you into getting his way by screaming and being generally unpleasant?

[Peaceful Guy]

Setting fires?

 

Cruelty to animals?

 

Pathological lying?

 

Hmmm....does he wet the bed too?

 

Have you ever heard of the sociopathic triangle = bedwetting, animal abuse, firesetting?

 

Unfortunately this child is a sociopath, destined for a life of criminal behavior.

 

There is nothing for you to "fix." He is an empty shell, a predator in the making.

 

Protect yourself, your property, your pets, and your other children.

 

He WILL harm them.

 

He WILL end up in jail.

 

Sorry.

 

But at 8 years old, it's already too late for this kid.

 

It's too bad his father wasn't around for him during his infancy and formative years.

 

you're a total ****ing ******* dude. seriously, **** you, he's a child. also, that's a hurtful ****ing thing to say to his mom of all people. ****head..

[Peaceful Guy]

i don't think he's hopeless. i think that there are things that the adults in his life can do to start the healing process. also, this diagnosis could be an assessment of the symptoms rather than an accurate diagnosis of the underlying problem.. for instance, he could be having problems learning, causing internal frustration that is making him lash out at the world around him.. the real underlying problems could be any number of things..

 

my advice.. get a second opinion. and also, please try to adopt the attitude that he is not inherently flawed or whatever.. because being poked and prodded constantly is no fun..

 

there is a way to help this child even if we as a society don't know it yet. again, im sorry and i hope this works out for all involved.

[Savanna-O]

I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and how your feeling towards him is perfectly normal, your not a bad parent- your just a human being at the end of their tether!

 

I have never dealt with a child with ADHD and ODD.. but from my experience with ADHD, it does get easier as they mature.. I know that is little consolation right now.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is get tooled up, the more you understand what is going on, the better you will deal with it. I thought this was quite a helpful link.. this woman has been going through it with her son since birth!

 

http://hubpages.com/hub/Living-with-an-ADHD-ODD-child

 

There is help out there for you, you are not alone in all of this. My step father works in rest bite centre and I'd say a good 75% of the children and adults stay there permnantly.. some just stay for the weekend- the parents just don't know how to cope with the violence ect, ect. So please don't feel like your a bad person for the way you are feeling towards him.

 

Hang in there and as I said, get tooled up and become your own expert. Maybe try and find a local rest bite centre, just to meet up with other parents even.. all these things will remind you that you are not alone and none of it is your fault.

 

You could look into having some rest bite time, I mean it's each to their own.. I don't think it's something I could do.. but in saying that, you don't know until your actually in that situation. For your own sanity- you need a break! even if he went for the weekend, you know he's surrounded by experts and in good hands.. it's maybe something to look into.

 

Take care, I wish you all the best xoxo

 

@Troggleputty- your a knob!

Edited May 1, 2010 by Savanna-O

[Peaceful Guy]

.. but from my experience with ADHD, it does get easier as they mature..

 

good point.. my best bud from childhood had SEVERE ADHD.. he's doing great getting his masters.. high paying job .. engaged to the sweetest woman .. lots of good stuff going on for him! a lot of it for him is about time management and proper organization.. and of course, maturity has helped with the emotional stuff that comes along with simple tasks being difficult to complete.

[dreamingoftigers]

Setting fires?

 

Cruelty to animals?

 

Pathological lying?

 

Hmmm....does he wet the bed too?

 

Have you ever heard of the sociopathic triangle = bedwetting, animal abuse, firesetting?

 

Unfortunately this child is a sociopath, destined for a life of criminal behavior.

 

There is nothing for you to "fix." He is an empty shell, a predator in the making.

 

Protect yourself, your property, your pets, and your other children.

 

He WILL harm them.

 

He WILL end up in jail.

 

Sorry.

 

But at 8 years old, it's already too late for this kid.

 

It's too bad his father wasn't around for him during his infancy and formative years.

 

The father and mother only divorced two years ago, jackass! Furthermore there are plenty more resources around today then in, say, 1975 to deal with issues like these. Go crawl back under your rock.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree with you. I don't recall hearing about any one of these "disorders" when I was a child...or even in my early college days. I sometimes feel it's just a way to create more drugs to sell (that's a whole other can of worms!). I fell victim to the wooden spoon many times as a child, and I know I'll be the same way if and when it comes to that with my son.

 

That's because many of these things weren't labelled etc. The crime rate has also dropped significantly in the last 30 years. Probably because we aren't treating people with issues quite as bad as in the past.

[Spark1111]

ADHD is usually diagnosed around the ages of 6 or 7 when cognitive thinking develops; cognitive thinking is taking the information provided by all five senses and being able to integrate them into a "whole" of information gathering.

 

The teacher stands in front of a first grade class and points to a picture. It is a Bedouin swathed in long robes leading a camel over sand dunes with a bright red setting sun in the background.

 

She asks the class, "Where is this man?" and smart little Suzy raises her hand and says, "He is in the desert." Suzy is praised by the teacher. Her cognitive abilities are highly functioning since she took ALL the elements of the picture and deduced the landscape within seconds.

 

The ADHD child is still focused on (or "lost" in) how reddish-orange the sun is.

 

The next day the class receives a quiz. There are birds chirping outside. Everyone tunes it out and hunkers down to take the test. But the ADHD child hears a melody in the chirps; or it is annoying and wants the birds to stop. The teacher says five more minutes to complete the quiz. The ADHD child awakes from their reverie and is horrified to find their quiz blank. Where did all that time go? They are in a panic.

 

Can you imagine what life is like for this child? He is perpetually two pages behind everyone esle. It is as if everyone speaks a foreign language. These children instinctually know they do not perceive the world as everyone around them does. What a heart-wrenching and lonely place to be.

 

ODD can accompany ADHD. It makes for a stubbornly defiant child.

 

If not treated properly, consistently, and early, ADHD can lead to substance abuse and/or bi-polar disorder in adulthood.

 

Medication, behavioral therapy, time-management and organizational skill building is necessary.

 

Many do learn to use their strengths to become quite successful.

 

Stay calm, consistent, and offer praise as often as you can.

 

Take breaks often to refresh yourself so you can be the best parent you can be. You will need every resource available to you to do this job well.

 

Do not ignore, punish, or engage when defiant. Try to reason constantly. These children have a deficit of understanding the consequences of their actions. Because of that, they have poor impulse control. You will have to teach him through a lot of praise and positive re-inforcement.

 

((((Hugs))))

[BlkAzian]

I also agree with In repair. Im not into spanking children either but I had to. Would you rather spank your child and correct the problem at home? Or have the Police beating your child out in the streets? In the bible im sure it says spare the rod spoil the child.

 

I have a 9yr old son and a 15month old girl. I dont spank on my baby but I have to get her attention and i clap my hands at her and say Hey, No No and to ( get my sons attention) he usually gets a spanking twice a yr because thats all it took:cool:. I dont like to, but i have to let him know that I am an adult and you WILL listen. the last time my son got a spanking was in 2008. He is a boy. Boys are hard headed and I do have to check him when he gets smart at the mouth, I take away things also.

 

My brother has ADHD and my brother got his ass poped every now and then and he is not traumatized. I didnt get many spankings as a child and I ended up in the Hardest branch in the military the few the proud thanks to my mothers spanking and guidence. I have never been in trouble with the law other than a speeding ticket. I am a single mother divorced from their father. There is no way I am locking my door to get away from a child I created. You need to swat his butt and get a hand on it. I use to work in a prison and most of the inmates there said their mom did not spank their behinds and wished that she did because they would not be in prison serving long sentences.

 

Sometimes I believe people who want to tell you how to be a parent just want money. and on here the advice is free so you should take it.

My mom would always tell me why Im getting a spanking first before i got one and talked to me afterwards.

[westrock]

We have tried counselling, medication and vitamins.

 

Have you tried to eliminate any unhealthy foods that he is eating? Do a google search on Feingold Diet which deals with issues such as this.

[Gemini1980]

Applegirl,

F*** troggleputty. It's people like this who have no idea what it's like. They can judge like they have no problems. Everyone in life has problems, including troggleputty. Don't let him make you think he has a perfect life, because nobody does. It's true that some people have a hard time adjusting to adult life and instead choose a life of destruction, but there is ALWAYS a crossroad when your child has the choice on which path to take later in life. Just because he has some emotional issues doesn't mean he will end up in jail.

 

I know the feeling 100%. We've tried everything with our little one. He's been kicked out of school dozens of time, hit and kicked the teachers, gotten beat up, has no friends, is always extremely emotional, etc.

I like most people on this board used to "blame it on the parents".. I no longer feel this is always the case. YES HE DOES HAVE BOTH PARENTS!! There is no way to control hyper activity and children interrupting when they have a behavior disorder. Their mind just works way to fast to be able to focus on anything. And forget about actually having an ongoing conversation with one of these children, unless it's 4-5 word statements back and forth.

My goals have changed over the last 6-7 years. I no longer expect to have an honor roll student who goes to Harvard. As long as I can raise my son to become a productive member of society, then I have succeeded. I realize there will probably be quite a few set backs on his road to success, but my goal in life is to see to it that in the end he takes on a productive roll in society.

I have seen children come from homes with basically no parents who act better than my son. They excel in school where I have to work with my son every single night just to pass, etc. I can actually hold a conversation with these children while my son seems to always have a blank stare when I speak to him, then just watch him jump up and down and start barking like a dog for no reason. I sometimes think it's not fair that these other children go play their video games on their TV in their rooms for hours on end that behave so well and watch my son behave so poorly while I spend 1-2 hours a night with him on homework alone. It really sucks, then you get people judging you like you are the bad parent. That's just the way he is and to the other parents who talk behind your back, well forget them. They can think it's the parents, but if you truly are doing everything you can then the people closest to you will know you are a good parent. Those are the only people who really matter anyways. (The only reason my son isn't at an alternative school yet is because the school system says most parents aren't as involved and they are willing to work with us since we are trying so hard.)

 

That being said, The only thing that I found that has worked is "spoon feeding" our son. Being former military this is the last thing i wanted to do and hate it everyday. I wanted my son to be a "squared away little soldier." It just didn't work out that way. We tried spanking, ignoring the behavior, timeouts, changing his diets, sitting him down and explaining why things he did where wrong for hours and hours, etc, etc. We did all of this with 100% consistency trying to "break" him. It just didn't work.

We found that when we disciplined him like most parents discipline a child, his anger got worse. When we tried to talk about it with him, he would cover his eyes and ears and try to hide. We could then hear him trying to cover up his cry when he knew he made a mistake. When we would yell at him we would go and hide in a hole, then break something for attention. If we disciplined that action his fits would get even more aggressive. After "wearing him down" he would fall asleep, then wake up with the same mentality. If he wasn't angry we would talk to him about the behavior until he started crying.. After he got a little older, he stopped crying and out came the anger even more.

Kids are funny that way. They get very embarrassed when they cry. Try getting a child with ADHD to actually look somebody in the eye and say sorry. When they start to get emotional they cover their sad emotions with which ever emotion comes next. They constantly feel like a failure and try to mask their feeling of self doubt with any other emotion that they feel.

 

Finally, we tried the positive reinforcement. It didn't work at first. We kept on trying it and eventually it actually started working.

 

This is what we do and may not work for you, but it has worked for us.

Constant "good jobs" and "that a boys".....repetitively telling him "one person talks at a time". "thank you for listening", etc, etc. And when he does something really good, like brings an A home from school he gets a huge prize like a trip to chuck-e-cheese.

Most parents think "look at that spoiled brat acting out like a spoiled brat", but the ones closest know that it's the only thing that works for us.

Since we have started what I call the "spoon feeding" approach I have seen a 1000% turn around in his behavior. Don't get me wrong, he still has the same problems he had before and you can see the self doubt, he just acts them out differently.

The fact of the matter is that no matter what you do, your child WILL still have the same issues that he has now, period.. He will ALWAYS be MUCH more emotional than the other children and will always act on emotion no matter how much you try to make him stop. It's just way to hard for a child of his age with his problems to actually slow down and think of the consequences first. That's just the way he is wired, period. It is YOUR JOB as a parent to make sure his emotions aren't always anger. Since we've changed our parenting technique or son still is not able to sit down and have a conversation, makes irrational decisions, gets mad when he loses no matter how many times you don't let him win, doesn't excel in school, etc. BUT he has a positive attitude on life. When he wakes up he looks forward to the day and is excited about any activities we may be doing. When he gets "mad" that he can't do something we simply redirect him to focus on something a little more positive. I used to worry about what people thought when I would sit down and talk to him about an unacceptable behavior (like pushing another parents little child at the park) instead of showing my authority and punishing them, but I don't really care anymore. Somethings just don't work for certain children and it's something you will have to deal with.

 

Another thing we do is forewarn any babysitters and his new teachers to tread lightly.

With a child like this you can't ask them to do something then yell at them to "do it now" when they don't listen. You have to learn as a parent to not be emotional at all. You simply have to tell them "look at me" over and over until they look at you. After you have their attention tell them what you want them to do and NEVER give in on your demands. Once they realize you are consistent AND fair they will start listening to you better.

 

I would try starting by taking some time for some "one on one" time. Go to the park with him, play one on one tag with him, take him fishing just the two of you, tell him you love him, do ANYTHING you can to get thru to him before it's to late. If he falls in with the wrong crowd he could be gone forever. He's still young enough and you have a chance to spend some one-on-one time with him to get him to open up. If he won't open up to you right away, try getting a "big brother/big sister" to spend some one-on-one time with him.

Not to pry into your life, but most children who have this negative attitude have it because of a feeling of neglect. I'm not saying you neglect your child, I'm willing to bet you spend more than with your child than most "good parents" I'm just saying that this type of child requires a TON of time to be successful and not feel neglected. Constant reassurance that you love him..

Edited June 14, 2010 by Gemini1980

[sultry33]

Hi Op,

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD severe when she was 2.. yes 2!

she had a dad present and good parenting, we went on courses.. we smacked

before we realised it did not make any difference.

 

At 3 years old the proffesionals wanted to put her on ritalin.. but pead said no way.

 

We did all the restricted diets nothing worked, we had child play therapy

she continued to still be super hyper..

 

Now she is 18.. doing great is studying hairdressing at college.

Lives with her bf.. she is lovely and a beauty too.

 

Dont listen to anyone who says there is no hope.. empty shell s h i t

 

ok.. hugs to you stay strong xxx

[Holding-On]

Gemini1980 - I wanted to thank you for your well written, heartfelt and honest post. I read it several times. My youngest is like that, though not as extreme. Spoon-feeding positive/empathy building works best for him. Any negative energy is stored and repaid. Our very short lived spanking stage made him more violent. Does your son do well when he thinks he has control over something? For example we gave my youngest the task of doling out the sweets for our group while camping. He was a champ at it! He was very consistent (more so than I could be!) and every day we all got exactly the same amount at exactly the same time. At the end of the trip the sweets were gone and doled out to perfection (instead of being all eaten up at the beginning).

 

Truthfully I love how the past was such a perfect place.

The repeated canings to solve problems (if they worked so well why did people need to use them as frequently as time outs? - course maybe that was just my parents ), Tom Sawyer types, runaways, right to kill your kids, beat your wife with a stick, hangings, higher rates of murder that's all today's problems right?

 

Look most of us don't remember being a brat because

1. we were probably too young for the memories and

2. the human mind tends to rose color the past. It is a saving grace of our minds that we tend to remember the good things more than the bad.

3. we tend to have high opinions of ourselves.

 

My nine year old is a model child and gifted in reading, adored by his third grade teacher. His, very grandmotherly first grade teacher however wanted him to be tested for ADHD.

 

Is my nine year old going to remember, when he has kids, that he could not sit still for a minute at two? That I never had a continuous adult conversation at the playground until he was five? Will he remember parking lot meltdowns and temper tantrums or pooping on the floor (I am big on logical consequences- I got him to help me clean it up)

 

OR will he say "I can't believe you guys, in my day, I would NEVER talk to my parents like xxx, I was such a good kid"

 

I will leave you with the following quotes. Please note the dates!!

 

We live in a decaying age. Young people no longer respect

their parents. They are rude and impatient. They frequently

inhabit taverns and have no self control."

Inscription, 6000 year-old Egyptian tomb1

 

"When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint".

Hesiod, 8th century BC

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?"

Plato, 4th Century BC

"The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint... As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."

Attributed to Peter the Hermit, AD 12743