Wicked Child Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 As per my previous posts, I have been seeing this guy for around 2 months now. I found out over the past weekend that he and a friend of mine had met for coffee once several years ago, and again a few months prior to us going out. This didn't bother me, because we had talked about our pasts and I figured that it would only be a matter of time before we found that we had someone in common. (internet dating is a small, small world). I had her text him that evening, in good fun, to try and get him to come out...What did bother me was that it seemed she was determined to bring me down by calling him a man whore and such things....Kept asking me if I was mad about it and telling me to stay away from him... I spoke of this with him,(I didn't reveal who it was at first, and that seemed to kinda make him nervous, which I wasn't trying to do, I just found it amusing that we had people in common) but to my surprise, it actually kinda fueled the interest more, and seemed to sort of bridge that awkward point when two people really enjoy each other but still haven't quite admitted it...Things are going even better now, and we're on the path to exclusivity....Awesome, right? Well, he tells me yesterday, that she has been texting him since the weekend. While it doesn't sound like she's trying to hook up with him, I'm still wondering WTF is going on? I told her that I had been seeing him for a bit, and regardless of his past, I enjoy his company, and don't plan on dropping him unless he proves he needs to be dropped. He's been wonderful to me so far, and while my guards are still up to an extent, I'm giving this a shot because I deserve a good man. So why the hell is she hittin him up? Should I say something to her about it? Should I wait to see if she actually tries to ask him out? He's not receptive to her texts, and just brushes them off....But it really kinda bugs me! I just want to pick her up and shake her and say "What are you doing?! I get something great and you're trying to cause problems?!" This is really grating on me!
norajane Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 What is she saying in her texts? I'd say you need to talk to her and ask her why she's texting your bf when she took great care to make sure you knew she doesn't have a high opinion of him. Tell her that it looks to you like, 1) she's lying to you about not liking him and 2) she's got some kind of agenda of her own with him. And then sit quietly until she coughs up some kind of explanation. If her explanation doesn't make sense, say so. And then just wait quietly for more. If she can't explain it so it makes some sense, then you know she's up to no good and she's not your friend.
Author Wicked Child Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 As far as I know, it's all relatively small talk...How've you been, what's new, kind of stuff...But she's also very competitive when it comes to men, and while we've never butt heads on a guy, it always seems like she tries to "one up" ya when it comes to that...Her attitude when she went on her rant about him seemed to convey the idea that "Yeah, been there, done that, you got my sloppy seconds." (which is untrue...they never hooked up.) Jealousy?
O'Malley Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I second asking her about the texts and gauging her reaction. Situations like these give you a new perspective on a friend -- someone that you trusted is comfortable with undercutting you over a guy that you discussed with her. If that turns out to be the case, you have to determine how much you want to invest in this kind of friendship. It may change in terms of her being not so close of a friend, to someone who isn't as involved in your private ife.
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