dietpepsi Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I know people are having and will continue have to worse problems than I. But what is shocking is that I am almost 27, she however was 4 years older than me, and think i have experienced love for the very first time. I've had plenty of relationships and girlfriends, and sure, I've said it before and thought I've felt it. But looking at it now, never have i accepted the faults as much as i did the positives. I accepted everything about this girl, which never before have i been able to do. I never told her, hell maybe i didn't notice fully till afterwards. I did feel a weird sense while we were together that "wow, I'm ok with this, I still find this girl beautiful inside and out despite a, b and c." and I loved that feeling, We were together for about 7-8 months, and its been over for 5 months by her choice, and I don't find myself much better inside. I still have to see her at work everyday. I've been able to change my outside to more of a positive tone though.But..inside i cant get over it. I've never felt so fragile...It's the most empty feeling inside I've ever experienced, I cant get from under the raincloud. I've dated a few girls since, girls i would normally be chomping at the bit to date, but in the end I don't really care, I can't see them more than just girls that are not her. It's really frustrating. I sit alone in my room and cry sometimes because I'm so sad. I can't really believe I've been reduced to this. I've tried taking my life back in numerous ways, but none of them seem to work, and I end up right back at square one. What's wrong with me? I can't seem to find any light at the end of the tunnel. And considering I'm getting close to 30 I find this rather pathetic, and I'm sure she would too.
counterman Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 First of all, don't be too hard on yourself. It is painful whenever a break-up happens, especially if it isn't mutual and the other person ended it. What's even more harder on you is that you have to see her at work. I think it's brave that you're showing yourself as positive on the outside and continue to do so because she'll pick up on the negative vibe you give if you're looking miserable, which will boost her ego. In saying that, why did she end it in the first place? Even if you are dating other girls, it won't lead to anything special if you're still grieving. This time is for you and you only. Keep yourself busy with other commitments outside of work e.g. jogging, a project, other exercise. Don't talk to her at work but if you absolutely have to keep it professional and as short as possible. Most importantly, stop being too hard on yourself. I can't stress that enough. You're not pathetic. You cry because you hurt and it's okay to allow yourself to do so. Allow yourself this time to heal. You'll feel better than if you were to keep it bottled up. Write it out if you have to. It's not going to be easy but you need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. even if you can't see it now. Stay strong and take it day by day!
Author dietpepsi Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Well to answer your question, she just ended it one day out of the blue saying i don't think we should see each other, which ended up being completely contradictory to the way she was acting, flirty, lovey dovey, saying how much she missed being around me (we were both going through a busy spell) and i said a few things i shouldn't have, she handled them with grace and said she was sorry, she never meant to hurt me, and that she felt so absolutely terrible, I apologized for the things i said, she accepted, I did the beg/cry thing which further pushed her away. But at the end she suggested that we should be friends, I declined, saying i can not do that for my own sake, then after that she practically blocked my email, my phone number, and went out of her way to ignore me, I asked her why she would do that, I don't deserve it, and it seemed we on our way to be on friendlier terms she just replied with "This is what i have to do to get over it, I'm sorry if it's over reacting but it is just the way it is, I'm really sorry I hurt you" Cold and Cold.
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