Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Problem is, as noted, it will be 4 dates until you get laid. Be sure you have something else on the side during those 4 weeks. But look at the advantages. Other than those noted above, you'll learn that she won't bring up crap like "marriage" or "kids" or "the relationship." She expects you to bring these things up. So for a guy like me who just wants sex with no commitment rules girls are perfect. Actually you do have a point... The rules are supposed to help a woman not waste time on a man who is not interested in her, or that by doing the rules he will think shes different to ay other woman hes dated and fall in love with her. But by having the rules done on them the guys in fact have the perfect opportunity to keep their options open and date/sleep with other people considering the woman can never date him more than 3 times per week. And a relief for a 'player' that marriage and commitment will not be mentioned by the girl at all, also if the man doesnt commit after a few months then the woman will back off and leave him alone no questions asked! Oh and she will never be nagging him or calling him up at inopportune times! Interesting way of looking at it...
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Yes a "rules girl" and I can't think of one man who thinks that is actually a compliment. The book brainwashes you totally and convinces you that the rules are the only way to go with regards to getting a man to marry you! And give numerous examples of 'success stories' to back up their claims.
paddington bear Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 The Rules...I mean on some level I think women have forgotten how to act like a woman, wait, I'll qualify that, to act like a woman that will attract a man, so some parts of such books give basic advice that helps maybe not scare someone away from the offset. But...I agree with hopingtoheal - re this book, that you'd have to keep up that act forever, how awful for you and your husband that you've trapped into marrying a lie. Also, let's face it, if by using manipulation you get someone like Sith Apprentice to marry her instead of just using her for sex, at some point he'll wake up and go 'wait a god darn minute how on earth did I end up here? Married to this thing?' because it wasn't mutual and he'll bolt eventually. Gift buying. I've so rarely get gifts that when someone does buy me one I'm super impressed, but that's just me...but I'm the same impressed with getting dropped down a plate of home-cooked food as I am with some expensive product. Alpha...I got given an ornament of a rhinoceros, made out of dusty, dirty old leather that my then boyfriend bought for like 50cent at a car boot sale, as a birthday present. I was the weirdest, ugliest things I'd ever seen and well, basically totally confused me. Actually come to think of it, that was one of those times where I wasn't overly impressed. I didn't throw it at his head though...maybe I should have. Worst 'romantic' gift ever.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 That's a retarded rule - was the author wanting 10 rules and could only think of 9 so she just started making things up. I've never read the book and won't. My God, if a man remembers and acknowledges it's a special day, isn't that enough?
1000 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I would be interested to hear about peoples experience of 'The Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and whether they work/are true.Some of them I do agree with wholeheartedly such as 'no sex on a first date' and 'never make the first move on a man'.But theres one about finishing with a guy if he doesnt buy you something 'romantic' or 'from the heart' for birthdays etc. Gifts like jewellery and flowers are meant to be preferable but practical items are not. Thoughts? I think the best kind of gift for a guy to buy his woman on a special occasion is sexy/kinky lingerie. I think the best kind of gift for a woman to buy her guy on a special occasion is sexy/kinky lingerie.
melodymatters Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Yeah, rules are gay, books about rules are gay and people who buy a book with the purpose of snagging a proposal are SCARY ! Having said this though, it seems to be a book for the clueless chicks with little self esteem. Most of us woman on this thread, know how we want to be treated and won't settle for less. No Chaper 4, page 65 needed. But haven't we ALL met chicks who chased guys, stalked them, left roses in their car, called a million times like alpha's recent thread ? If they don't have good female role models ( or love shack ) It might help them gain some perspective. I've done a lot that stuff naturaly, and never got played, but had some rather lovely R's. As for gifts, one of my favorites was flank steak cut into heart shapes for my three beloved puppies ! It's the " thinking of me" not the hackneyed flowers and candy. Plus my parents taught me at 2 yr of age to aways be polite when recieving gifts ! If alpha gave me an alarm clock ONLY for V-day. I would turn it into a running joke and hide it somewhere in his house to go off at 3am, and that would be so fun, I wouldn't even mind. If he knew I needed one, and also gave me a card ( that HE wrote nice things in) and took me out for a nice dinner, I'd think that was GREAT !
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Just use your common sense, Ladies. As a few examples: If a man resents giving, the underlying issue is that he's selfish. This will permeate into other aspects of your relationship, like time, emotion and consideration. It will be all about him, rather than all about your relationship. When a man doesn't pursue within reason, he's not terribly interested. Most men are hunters by nature. If you have sex too soon, how will he get to know more about you? For that matter, how will you learn more about him, when you're already bonding to him through intimacy? Pretty common sense stuff.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 If a man resents giving, the underlying issue is that he's selfish. This will permeate into other aspects of your relationship, like time, emotion and consideration. It will be all about him, rather than all about your relationship. When a man doesn't pursue within reason, he's not terribly interested. Most men are hunters by nature. Would you say that the same applies to women?
melodymatters Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Would you say that the same applies to women? The first part, Yes. Second part, No Woman are not hunters ( in relationships. If you need food to feed your kids... not the same thing), and bottom line, chasing guys : just doesn't work
sid3 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Actually, both of the authors are now divorced and have been for some time.
Johnny M Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Woman are not hunters ( in relationships. If you need food to feed your kids... not the same thing), and bottom line, chasing guys : just doesn't work I never understood the the whole 'men are hunters' analogy. Last time I checked, hunters didn't date and marry their prey; they killed and devoured it. So it makes no sense whatsoever to say that men 'hunt' women. I think it's just an excuse that some women came up with to rationalize their passivity.
norajane Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I'm still curious about the premise behind the rule. Is it true that guys are more likely to give romantic presents to girls they're in love with and would consider marrying? Do they give practical gifts to women they're not really in love with and aren't thinking about as a long term or marriage prospect?
alphamale Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Is it true that guys are more likely to give romantic presents to girls they're in love with and would consider marrying? probably Do they give practical gifts to women they're not really in love with and aren't thinking about as a long term or marriage prospect? if they want regular sex they better be giving them romantic presents too
deux ex machina Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I would be interested to hear about peoples experience of 'The Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and whether they work/are true.Some of them I do agree with wholeheartedly such as 'no sex on a first date' and 'never make the first move on a man'.But theres one about finishing with a guy if he doesnt buy you something 'romantic' or 'from the heart' for birthdays etc. Gifts like jewellery and flowers are meant to be preferable but practical items are not. Thoughts? I haven't noticed romantic gifts having much of anything to do with the quality of the relationship.
alphamale Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I haven't noticed romantic gifts having much of anything to do with the quality of the relationship. it does affect teh quality of the relationship. if i give a girl a toaster for valentines day i'll be sleeping on the couch
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I'm still curious about the premise behind the rule. Is it true that guys are more likely to give romantic presents to girls they're in love with and would consider marrying? Do they give practical gifts to women they're not really in love with and aren't thinking about as a long term or marriage prospect?Not necessarily. It depends on the guy and if he's a romantic or not. Regardless of his romantic nature or not, it's the amount of thought and effort he puts into the gift, thinking of what would please you, that's more telling. Having said all that, truly, some guys are hopeless when it comes to gift giving. They're stuck for ideas and are lost when it comes to shopping.
deux ex machina Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 it does affect teh quality of the relationship. if i give a girl a toaster for valentines day i'll be sleeping on the couch A toaster? Yeah...haha.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I'm still curious about the premise behind the rule. Is it true that guys are more likely to give romantic presents to girls they're in love with and would consider marrying? Do they give practical gifts to women they're not really in love with and aren't thinking about as a long term or marriage prospect? Not sure where on earth the idea for this rule came from! I just thought - when I was in a totally loveless and mechanical relationship a few years back the guy spent loads of money on about 20 red roses and also dinner for valentines day. He also proposed to me within about 10 months of us being together down on one knee with a diamond ring. But it was all for show, I know for sure that he did not love me at all and was very abusive at times.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 it does affect teh quality of the relationship. if i give a girl a toaster for valentines day i'll be sleeping on the couch Theres practical gifts and very practical gifts - a toaster is just taking it TOO far!
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I haven't noticed romantic gifts having much of anything to do with the quality of the relationship. I had a think about it and neither have I, which does beg the question where this nonsense came from? I mean items like food blenders and toasters are obvious no nos because they are seen as such boring everyday household items, essential things you buy anyway and are seen as a bit of a chore to even buy/replace so rubbish idea for a gift. But something that would come in useful for your partners hobby for example would be special to them and mean much more. Some girls do not wear much jewellery anyway, and most guys wouldnt sit and write love poetry about the relationship into a greetings card, which the rules book is in favour of. Very nice if it did happen but rare.
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Perhaps, it's a generic way to root out cheap men.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Perhaps, it's a generic way to root out cheap men. Apparently not, this chapter of the book points out that its not to do with the cost of the item, but the type of gift it is. For example a blue ray player would cost more than an inexpensive pair of earrings. And getting a new laptop one would think, connotes love, being such a costly item. But these type of gift apparently come from the head not the heart and are not good signs of love at all!
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Apparently not, this chapter of the book points out that its not to do with the cost of the item, but the type of gift it is. For example a blue ray player would cost more than an inexpensive pair of earrings. And getting a new laptop one would think, connotes love, being such a costly item. But these type of gift apparently come from the head not the heart and are not good signs of love at all! I've never read the book, just heard about it and find any "rules" or self-help book, not my thing. To take this paragraph apart, if I were gifted a blue ray player or a laptop, I would wonder if he expected to share it. While I don't mind sharing, did he get this for him or was he interested in pleasing me. Women sincerely have to look at the guy and yes, at the gifts he gives, if he gives any at all. While gifting isn't a sign of love, it is a way to gauge what kind of person he is, whether he enjoys giving and whether he's put any thought or effort into pleasing you with the gift. It might also tell you if he's bothered to pay attention to the things you've said. And, no matter what, you'll have men who are clueless about gift giving but will show their love in other forms of unselfish giving, like time, emotion and support. On the otherhand, if you get a man who's unselfish in giving, in everyway, hold on tight to him!! I'm incredibly lucky and continue being floored by the giving nature of my husband.
Angel1111 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I think there's a lot of truth and good information in that book but just take from it what resonates with you and don't worry about the rest. Sometimes books like that are good identifiers for learning where you might be making mistakes, but following it like it's gospel is a little silly. But if a woman is all over the place and doesn't have the faintest idea about creating boundaries with men, she'd be better off following the rules than having zero boundaries. They're both too extreme, but one of them at least protects her from the jerks. I think the thing about gifts is just saying that if he's giving you an iron for your birthday, he probably doesn't think of you in the romantic sense. That's my take on it.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 All he rules book has done is fill my head with loads of s*** and add to my insecurities. If I dont behave by the book I panic that I may put my guy off and destroy our great relationship, or if my guy doesnt do something the book says he should be doing then I also worry. Like I mentioned before, I definitely agree with some of them and would behave that way regardless of whether I was aware of this book, but there are some crazy ones in there. I might burn the stupid book!
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