xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I would be interested to hear about peoples experience of 'The Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and whether they work/are true.Some of them I do agree with wholeheartedly such as 'no sex on a first date' and 'never make the first move on a man'.But theres one about finishing with a guy if he doesnt buy you something 'romantic' or 'from the heart' for birthdays etc. Gifts like jewellery and flowers are meant to be preferable but practical items are not. Thoughts?
Simon Attwood Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I make it a rule, never to follow rules Another rule of mine is that people that make rules ought to be lined up against the wall and have rotting vegetables fired at them through high powered air cannons.
Bejita463 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Last time I checked, the author of that book was not in a happy, committed relationship. That is all I need to know about her ability to give advice.
OnlyJake Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I would be interested to hear about peoples experience of 'The Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and whether they work/are true.Some of them I do agree with wholeheartedly such as 'no sex on a first date' and 'never make the first move on a man'.But theres one about finishing with a guy if he doesnt buy you something 'romantic' or 'from the heart' for birthdays etc. Gifts like jewellery and flowers are meant to be preferable but practical items are not. Thoughts? That's dumb advice if I ever heard it. I think gift-giving reflects on the giver. A guy who gives practical gifts probably shows he loves you by trying to take care of you (like, I'm a huge idiot when it comes to directions, so one boyfriend who always gave practical gifts gave me a GPS - it was a great gift). A guy who gives "romantic" gifts might show he loves you by trying to make you feel special or girly or something.
counterman Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Rules just make things so rigid. There's a lot of grey in relationships and dating but rules tend to try to make them black and white. The rules that you've mentioned can be disputed already. Just don't take them into account wholeheartedly.
2sure Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 A thoughtful and romantic gift to one, is not to another. If you feel a practical item is thoughtful, personal, and romantic ...then whatever it is fits the bill. I think the idea in The Rules is still the same and its a good one. To be thoughtful and romantic regarding gifts during the dating stage is important. Sure, it takes extra effort sometimes....are you worth it or not?
carhill Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 OP, does this rule regarding gifts apply to you? We're all different. When a man responds to your differences in a positive way, that's an element of compatibility. He understands and embraces your language in that area. The tricky part here is not all men are the same, so you'll want to learn his language as well. TBH, I don't read relationship books, for better or worse. The authors seem to do well enough without my patronage. I generally made cards or wrote notes and gave items of personal affection to my stbx during our marriage. I imagine the cards are gone but the jewelry and other gifts will live on as reminders of our differences in romantic style. Hopefully, that's instructive.
phineas Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Last time I checked, the author of that book was not in a happy, committed relationship. That is all I need to know about her ability to give advice. :lmao:
meerkat stew Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Read that book long ago. It should be subtitled "How to Trap a Weak, Low Quality Man into Marriage."
norajane Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 A thoughtful and romantic gift to one, is not to another. If you feel a practical item is thoughtful, personal, and romantic ...then whatever it is fits the bill. I think the idea in The Rules is still the same and its a good one. To be thoughtful and romantic regarding gifts during the dating stage is important. Sure, it takes extra effort sometimes....are you worth it or not? I agree - it's about the thought and effort. But, I'll take it a step further and say that some people aren't very good with giving gifts, but they show how thoughtful they are and make a big effort in other ways. Is a guy who makes sure to change your oil every 3000 miles and takes your dog to the vet when you're at work less thoughtful than the guy who buys you flowers on your birthday?
2sure Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Read that book long ago. It should be subtitled "How to Trap a Weak, Low Quality Man into Marriage." Yup. At least those are the results I got!!
GorillaTheater Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 But, I'll take it a step further and say that some people aren't very good with giving gifts, but they show how thoughtful they are and make a big effort in other ways. Is a guy who makes sure to change your oil every 3000 miles and takes your dog to the vet when you're at work less thoughtful than the guy who buys you flowers on your birthday? I assume my wife would agree. Lucky for me; I've always hugely sucked at the gift-giving thing. I've always considered myself a very imaginative person. Except in the mall.
Sith Apprentice Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 If you suspect that some really attractive girl is following The Rules for girls, take heart. I mean if she's a dog, lose her. But if she's got a great set or you have some other reason to particularly want her, you now know her exact game and can use it to get her. The book tells these girls to follow its rules religiously, even when they don't make sense. You will have to wait 4 dates, but the authors do tell girls it's OK to have sex after 4 dates, so they will. You only have to date 'em once a week -- if you date them Friday then you are free as a bird on Saturday; they'll end calls and dates; they won't call you when you have other girls over -- a lot of advantages, and as long as you see past all the manipulative "hard-to-get" tricks you won't be fooled, just laid. Problem is, as noted, it will be 4 dates until you get laid. Be sure you have something else on the side during those 4 weeks. But look at the advantages. Other than those noted above, you'll learn that she won't bring up crap like "marriage" or "kids" or "the relationship." She expects you to bring these things up. So for a guy like me who just wants sex with no commitment rules girls are perfect.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Rules just make things so rigid. There's a lot of grey in relationships and dating but rules tend to try to make them black and white. The rules that you've mentioned can be disputed already. Just don't take them into account wholeheartedly. They are very 'one size fits all' too. Every situation is different, so even if one was strictly following the rules, there will come a point where you will have to 'break them'.
Stung Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Ugh, I hate that book. Reduce men and women to the lowest common denominator and then encourage them to play headgames with each other, and nobody wins.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 That's dumb advice if I ever heard it. I think gift-giving reflects on the giver. A guy who gives practical gifts probably shows he loves you by trying to take care of you (like, I'm a huge idiot when it comes to directions, so one boyfriend who always gave practical gifts gave me a GPS - it was a great gift). A guy who gives "romantic" gifts might show he loves you by trying to make you feel special or girly or something. If you would actually prefer a gift like a new laptop or a Nintendo Wii for example then whats the big deal? Some girls are not even into jewellery anyway, and to be frank I think flowers are a bit of a waste of money - they only last a week! The point the authors of the book were trying to make though is that a boyfriend who is in love with you will buy you practical items like a coffee maker or cycle helmet anytime just as a random surprise but save the flowers/poetry/jewellery for your birthday/anniversary. If they wait and just give the food processor/book/computer as a present for a special occasion then you should prepare yourself for a loveless relationship. And that if you dont get a romantic girt you are significantly less likely to get what you really want - an engagement ring!
alphamale Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 But theres one about finishing with a guy if he doesnt buy you something 'romantic' or 'from the heart' for birthdays etc. Gifts like jewellery and flowers are meant to be preferable but practical items are not. Thoughts? long time ago i bought my gf a clock-radio for her b-day. she unwrapped it then flew into a rage and threw it at my head. so yes i should have got something romantic
Stung Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 long time ago i bought my gf a clock-radio for her b-day. she unwrapped it then flew into a rage and threw it at my head. so yes i should have got something romantic OR you should not have been dating a psycho who throws heavy things at your head like a toddler having a tantrum just because she didn't like a present.
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Last time I checked, the author of that book was not in a happy, committed relationship. That is all I need to know about her ability to give advice. Yep, smartest thing EVAR. Yes I said "Evar". That's right. Be careful who's advice you buy, if they don't have the thing YOU want? Why would you listen to them on how to get it? Besides, I read some of that book once because a friends mom had it. It was completely entertaining. I thought it was a joke I really did. Apparently though, there really is a book out there instructing women to become robots and devoid of original thought . The problem with the rules is it teaches women to be fake to get a man. How is that fair to the man? If you don't believe in sex on a first date? Great, fine. So don't have sex because you don't believe that. You know, you can't keep up an act with a guy FOREVER, even if you CAN hook him initially by being manipulative and playing strings.
norajane Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 The point the authors of the book were trying to make though is that a boyfriend who is in love with you will buy you practical items like a coffee maker or cycle helmet anytime just as a random surprise but save the flowers/poetry/jewellery for your birthday/anniversary. If they wait and just give the food processor/book/computer as a present for a special occasion then you should prepare yourself for a loveless relationship. And that if you dont get a romantic girt you are significantly less likely to get what you really want - an engagement ring! Well, maybe that's the question for the guys, then: During dating phase of a relationship, are you more likely to buy a romantic present for a girl you are in love with and might want to marry someday? And are you more likely to buy a practical gift for a girl you like but aren't necessarily in love with and aren't thinking of her as a long-term/marriage prospect? Or does the type of present indicate nothing?
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 If you would actually prefer a gift like a new laptop or a Nintendo Wii for example then whats the big deal? Some girls are not even into jewellery anyway, and to be frank I think flowers are a bit of a waste of money - they only last a week! The point the authors of the book were trying to make though is that a boyfriend who is in love with you will buy you practical items like a coffee maker or cycle helmet anytime just as a random surprise but save the flowers/poetry/jewellery for your birthday/anniversary. If they wait and just give the food processor/book/computer as a present for a special occasion then you should prepare yourself for a loveless relationship. And that if you dont get a romantic girt you are significantly less likely to get what you really want - an engagement ring! I had a boyfriend who gave me lots of "romantic gifts." Flowers, fruit baskets, get well baskets when I was sick from the florist, insanely expensive perfume, an entire shisedo skincare regimen, ahava spa products, etc. etc. That said, he never actually got me anything I really wanted. I know that sounds awful, what I mean is; He bought me things I'd never really be interested in or like; and if he had been paying attention to me trully? He would of known that. Sure, there were plenty of extravagant and expensive gifts but they lacked something huge. Are we still together? No. Was he the right guy for me? No. In fact, I find my current partner who while he has gotten me flowers, etc. A lot of his gifts are more low key but much more sentimental and from the heart. He is by far the more romantic one. When he does something for me? Some of those nice things were even "practical" he means it from the heart and he does things to look out for me, help me, or that are in my best interest. We have a relationship 10X better than the one I had with the other guy. He is just wonderful. Quote on quote romantic gifts don't always indicate or insure that person is really thinking of you and being thoughtful and loving you the way you should be.
alphamale Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 OR you should not have been dating a psycho who throws heavy things at your head like a toddler having a tantrum just because she didn't like a present. my point was that she was obviously reading The Rules book
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 long time ago i bought my gf a clock-radio for her b-day. she unwrapped it then flew into a rage and threw it at my head. so yes i should have got something romantic Seriously, you actually dated someone who did this?! Deffo must have been a 'rules girl' hahaha!
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Seriously, you actually dated someone who did this?! Deffo must have been a 'rules girl' hahaha! Yes a "rules girl" and I can't think of one man who thinks that is actually a compliment.
alphamale Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Seriously, you actually dated someone who did this?! yes i did.
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