bobdole13 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Me and my fiance have been together since May of 2006. We have had a lot of ups and downs, the worst of them because of her "cheating" on me. 3 seperate times she has guys she chats with online and through text, also on the phone, about sex, love, and being together. Never has she actually had sexual relations with them. The worst time though she actually sent the guy pictures of cleavage etc. I have tried to work through a lot of these problems. Some is to blame on how our relationship works. when home together we are constantly on our own computers. I have gone through many things to help things along. watching movies together although still at our separate computers most of the time, but not all. Playing games together, playing with our cats together. I have gone through stages where i was barely even at my computer spending time with her etc. But these incidents kept happening. I know I don't give attention as much as I should, but i still talk, cuddle, love and care for her. I also have a short fuse about stupid things. Although our arguments are harmless and never even close to out of control or yelling. I tend to be grumpy a lot. Most of this stems from stress and the fact i have been unemployed for a while now. But every morning and night I try my best to remember to say I Love You, no matter what. 2 days ago I found out she did it again. Before this happened we have had long discussions about how this makes me feel. How I don't want this. I have given her opportunities to tell me the truth. I have asked her to talk to me more and be open. But it happened again still. I broke up with her.... but i have no where to go nor does she. We are stuck living together. I moved into the other room, and have been talking to her about things. It hurts me a lot to do this and she cant even perform duties at work she has been crying so much. We both obviously love each other. But when is enough enough. I want to go lay back down in bed with her. But I feel its going to happen again. I just feel stuck. I dont want to hurt her. but i dont want to be hurt again.... but im hurting now as well. I dont know what to do. Should i stay my course or go back and find a way to make things work to the point of this never happening agian? How do I do that? Should we change our relationship completely? How? So many questions I just dont know what to ask or where to go. I am Lost
lkjh Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 fact is if you take her back she will do this again. Some people claim that the cheating occurs because something is missing in the relationship but that is not true, its a character flaw and your fiance has it big time. Be strong and don't let her trick you into doing anything. Her cheating before marriage should be a warning and she has given you many warnings
meerkat stew Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Make a plan to move out or get her moved out. She has no respect for you or your feelings at all and this will never change based on her prior and continuing history. If it were some simple bad habit, things would be different, but this kind of thing would be a major dealbreaker for most anyone. Don't give in, or you will be right back where you are now in a few months. Waste no more time with her and find someone of higher quality. BTW, she is crying for herself, not due to losing you, don't let her lead you to believe otherwise.
seibert253 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 fact is if you take her back she will do this again. Some people claim that the cheating occurs because something is missing in the relationship but that is not true, its a character flaw and your fiance has it big time. Be strong and don't let her trick you into doing anything. Her cheating before marriage should be a warning and she has given you many warnings No better advice than this right here. Get your ring back, move out, and Run Forest, Run.
Clep Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 fact is if you take her back she will do this again. Some people claim that the cheating occurs because something is missing in the relationship but that is not true, its a character flaw and your fiance has it big time. Be strong and don't let her trick you into doing anything. Her cheating before marriage should be a warning and she has given you many warnings Exactly....it is a character flaw. I used to cheat about ten years ago and I really didn't know why. I didn't try to cover it up or lie about it, nor did I try to blame the other person or the relationship. I knew it was a personal flaw but just didn't know why I cheated or how to fix it. I ended up trying to fix something else about myself and ended up on a journey. Thankfully I found the answers and it completely changed who I am, in many more ways than just this. If your gf doesn't realize her cheating ways are due to just her it is doomed. Even if she does realize, it takes quite a while for the necessary changes in perceptions to curb the behavior. I would say even if she does see something wrong with her behavior the likely hood of it not happening again before she get's help, and that the help takes effect with it are non existent in my opinion.
Author bobdole13 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 I think I can stay strong I appreciate peoples opinion on this matter. I just hope i can find a way to move my life along. I dont know what im going to do or how im going to do it. but i shall endure. Someone is waiting for me after all. and as such I shall remain ever optimistic.
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