sweetbaby23 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 So we both broke up on a mutual agreement. I wanted to focus on myself more n him he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up but I thought he was so great I didn't wanna let him go. So I asked about dating again but slowly. And he has the mother eff'in nerve to tell me we could still hook up but he doesn't want me to confuse anything with us dating n it would be a shame to never sleep with me again. R u effing serious? That's all I get... U dnt like me for me and u expect me to drop my self worth and lower my self value to sleep with a guy who has no feelings nor for me? I didn't respond and he txt me later asking if I'm mad. I told him no. I'm not mad, I'm hurt at the level of disrespect n the fact that you would think I would sleep with somebody and share myself with someone who didn't care for me..
carhill Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 It's essentially the same selfish philosophy as when a woman breaks up with a man and continues to use him for emotional validation. Resist it. If you were/are compatible and there was/is connection and chemistry, you'd be together as a couple right now. Anything else is just selfish convenience. I've had women play that game with me. The boundaries resulting from those experiences are far healthier now. With sex, there's a clear and present demarcation which you've recognized and processed in a healthy way. With emotions, it's less clear, so open for more interpretation and error. This will be a good example to keep in mind if there ever is a guy you don't really like (in the romantic sense) but like his attention and validation. What you're feeling now is how he would feel, hurt. We can hope your former boyfriend gains similar insight.
sunrae Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 So we both broke up on a mutual agreement. I wanted to focus on myself more n him he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up but I thought he was so great I didn't wanna let him go. So I asked about dating again but slowly. And he has the mother eff'in nerve to tell me we could still hook up but he doesn't want me to confuse anything with us dating n it would be a shame to never sleep with me again. R u effing serious? That's all I get... U dnt like me for me and u expect me to drop my self worth and lower my self value to sleep with a guy who has no feelings nor for me? I didn't respond and he txt me later asking if I'm mad. I told him no. I'm not mad, I'm hurt at the level of disrespect n the fact that you would think I would sleep with somebody and share myself with someone who didn't care for me.. Yeah, that happened to me once or twice... I had to say sorry dude, you no longer get an all access pass to me, that benefit is now denied! Apparently he is now showing his true colors and you deserve SO much better. there is someone out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve..
Beeotch Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 (edited) So we both broke up on a mutual agreement. I wanted to focus on myself more n him he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up but I thought he was so great I didn't wanna let him go. So I asked about dating again but slowly. And he has the mother eff'in nerve to tell me we could still hook up but he doesn't want me to confuse anything with us dating n it would be a shame to never sleep with me again. R u effing serious? That's all I get... U dnt like me for me and u expect me to drop my self worth and lower my self value to sleep with a guy who has no feelings nor for me? I didn't respond and he txt me later asking if I'm mad. I told him no. I'm not mad, I'm hurt at the level of disrespect n the fact that you would think I would sleep with somebody and share myself with someone who didn't care for me.. Well good job for you on not agreeing. I thought this would be one of those threads where the person was complaining and acting confused about sleeping with their ex 100 times after the break up and being hurt. It sounds to me though that he purposely said that from a place of hurt to make you feel bad. OR he could just be a complete oblivious a-hole...either way, keep doing what you're doing. Don't sleep with him and do what you planned on doing - focusing on yourself. If he is not ready for a relationship, he probably will not magically be ready very soon, so don't allow yourself to try to date him slowly. You seem to know what you're about, he may not, and that's fine....give him all the space and time to do him while you do you, but don't sleep with him or accept less than acceptable treatment because you want him around in any ol' form. I made that mistake with my ex and if I could do anything over, I would have never slept with him once we said it's over and I would have not wasted time trying to be friends. Edited January 20, 2010 by Beeotch
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